being tactful with inlaws..

[jane1995]

so my inlaws arent the worst.. however they do make me rather uncomfortable about certain things.. I quit smoking the very day I found out I was pregnant, obviously I didnt want my baby harmed because of my horrible habit. since the day I found out I havent had a cig in nearly a year and a half, when DS goes to his nannas, they are all heavy smokers and obviously I dont want him around this! they are sitting with cigs lit when we walk in and ive told my babys dad I DO NOT want him there when there smoking, however hes the same (I never let him smoke in the house and make him change his clothes ect when he comes back in) but he refuses to tell his parents to stop smoking or wash their hands when DS is there! I know I should say something but they would most definitely take it as me being 'stuck up' and 'telling them what to do in their own house' and I know it would cause a massive problem.. things in the past like they tried holding him upside down at 6 months old and i said NO, but i just got 'dont be daft we did it with all six of ours and their fine' obviously my babys health comes first so could anyone give me any idias of ways to put it across in a nice as possible way that I DONT WANT SMOKE AROUND MY SON, thanks

My children would not visit that house no matter who they were.

I wouldn't even give them the time of day personally, if they cannot put the health of their grandchild before the nasty habit then they don't deserve to see him. Coming from a family where nobody has ever smoked it genuinely shocks me what selfish idiots some people are

Meh. Both of my parents chain smoked and I'm fine. I don't think it's unreasonable to ask them not to smoke if they're actually holding your son but to tell them not to smoke in their own house is a bit off. If it truly bothers you, why don't you try encouraging outside visits where possible? It sounds a bit like your feelings towards them in general "...[they're] not the worst..." Might be making you rather irritable about this?

I think you're on a sticky wicket asking them not to smoke in their own house.

And it's not as if baby's father has bothered to give up for him.

But it's their house?? Can you meet them somewhere else if the smoke is such a problem?

If 'stuck up' is caring about your baby's health and not wanting him to smell like an ashtray after being passed round, too bad. A baby's lungs are ultra sensitive, it's your responsibility to do what you can to safeguard health. If they aren't going to change their behaviour just keep DS's visits there to a minimum. Instead suggest to DP they see DS somewhere else, an indoor venue or at the park in warmer weather, or at other people's houses. If they want to see their DGS they'll make an effort.

My Aunt and Uncle both smoke and their home stinks. If I visit however briefly I leave my bag and coat in the car and never take the children. When I get home I get changed and my hair needs washing. YANBU.Smoking kills!

No one called OP stuck up but suggested she might 'look' stuck up by inlaws.

I agree don't go YANBU. Their habbit their house their rules. Your baby your rules. Do what you think is right.

op I took my ds to my mums, she smokes like a chimmy and I really wish I hadn't. DS now has asthma and after a week in her company on holiday, while she smoked only outside but ALL the bloody time, my ds had his first full blown attack and the doctor said it was the smoke.

Does she care does she hell. Even my dad has asthma, my dm has had cancer- her answer keep smoking and do as I please and sod everyone else because it makes her happy. She smokes in my GP's house both of which have had cancer 3x between them...

I apreaciate some of you dont think its a big deal but in my opinion I just don't want him around it their house or not, I would ask to visit them other places outside or at my house as this would be a massive help but she doesnt budge off the sofa all day so I cant see that happening, & I wasnt meaning I was going to ask them to stop smoking in their own house I was meaning just to not smoke when hes there, and as for the comment about his dad not quitting for him, obviously I cant force him to stop but I make sure he doesnt smell like smoke at all! PLUS dont bother correcting my spellings last time I checked this wasnt an english lesson