And selfish to be considering an open university course?

[IWantToSCRRREAM]

Apologises for my second thread about OU!

I'm a SAHM to a baby and toddler. (6 months & 2.5years) I plan to get weekend job in a few months once my ebf baby gets the hang of weaning.

DP works full time in a job he hates. Although I feel really bad for him and guilty that he works to look after our family, he doesn't try to help himself. He won't even look at the jobs advertised, let alone apply for them.

The other day I mentioned I'd love to do some sort of cource and start a career. he made all the right noises and said it would be good for me ect.

So I looked into it and last night told him I was seriously considering doing an open university degree. He was not as positive this time. He said it's a lot of debt to get into (15k loan) and made me feel really guilty, mentioning again, how much he hates his job.

I really don't know if I'm being unreasonable or not. On one hand, it's a lot of money and obviously I'll need his support. But on the other hand, I'm doing this for our family not just myself and it's not my fault he doesn't want to help himself.

So AIBU?

What does he say when you you mention the fact he hates his job? I guess it pays well enough for him to stay, but no personal satisfaction? What does he want to do?

You can get financial assistance with the OU. www3.open.ac.uk/study/undergraduate/qualification/ways-to-pay/index.htm

Don't underestimate the amount of time you will need to study, attend tutorials, create assignments. So aside from the financial side there is the emotional and practical support.

Not seen your other thread sorry. What's the course? Have you looked into it fully in terms of job prospects? What is it you want to do? It's one thing putting in all that time and money for something that is absolutely career-focused, but another if it's a general degree or a longer shot e.g. a very competitive field, more vocational training needed etc. There are often people on here giving up OU degrees when they aren't working out so it's not something to be done lightly (not saying you are doing it lightly, but not enough info here to tell). What did you do before SAHM?

I found out I'd be able to get a student loan so having the money isn't the problem. But it's still debt isn't it?

When he mentions his job I always encourage him to look for something else or do some training/a course ect. He just says no. There are a few things he would really like to do but he won't do anything about it.

In the whole time we've been together, he's applied for one job and I filled out most of the application form. I give him loads of encouragement but there's not much else I can do.

IF you started OU study would you still work as well? I think you need to sit down and seriously work out what it would mean for both of you if were studying. The money thing is not so bad as presume you would get a loan and repayments would come back from future salary. However, if this meant he was the sole breadwinner that is a lot of pressure on him. Also what would be the knock on effect to family life - would he be expected to do more, when would you get family time.

I don't think you are BU to consider it, but you do need to seriously consider how it will affect your whole family (and what you hope to get out of it)>

I think that's quite common - I've done my DH's job hunting and applications, and my brothers! Vast generalisation but some men can be quite tunnel-visioned. Esp if he's tired from the little one's and the job. Keep pushing on that front, I'd say. Doesn't make us Lady MacBeth!

I'm on my final OU push - I finish in June, my degree will be a BA (hons) in Politics, Philosophy and Economics. It's taken me 3.5 years, as I've overlapped modules. These final two that I'm in the middle of are bloody hard going - the recommended study time per week is 22 hours each. I guess that's why most people don't overlap them

I'm really lucky - DDs are in their teens and DH loves his job. It's still hard to keep up with it all (I do all the housework, chores etc and DDs also mid GCSE/A Level so they need a lot of my time, encouragement and patience) IYSWIM. Even having 8.30 - 3pm a day on my own isn't leaving me a lot of wiggle room.

I also got in before the fees increased so we didn't go into debt, but it's still been tough going. DO NOT underestimate how hard it is to motivate yourself. There is no-one to nag you, no lectures etc etc. My tutorials are every 6-8 weeks and are an hour and a half away. I don't always go as it takes up basically an entire Saturday.

I wasn't doing my degree to better my employment prospects per se either, I think that would be unrealistic in the current economic climate, it was mainly done to remove the chip I had on my shoulder about being the under educated one of my (very academic) family.

I haven't seen your previous thread either. What course are you considering and w?

*why...

If you are low income then there is assistance (which you may not have to pay back) as well as the loans option - read this, watch the videos and ring and talk to an advisor.

I think it depends on a lot of factors:

Can you get a job now, without the degree? What did you do for work before?

What is the course and how long would it take? Do you know what jobs it would feed into and how likely it is you could get one?

What childcare options do you have, now and in the next several years?

What is your current financial situation? Are you getting by on DH's salary alone?

Tbh I think it might be better to work part-time for now and start a course when your kids are a bit older and in some form of childcare. The more time you have and the more support you can get from family, the more likely you are to complete the course.

Also, when you are working out financial costs, you need to account for the opportunity costs of studying instead of working.

I think you have two issues here - your own ambitions and your DH's job. I'm currently studying for a masters with the OU and it has helped me to get my current job (after years and years as a SAHM). Its hard work but I'm one the final straight now with my dissertation due in at the end of march. The sense of satisfaction when I finally finish with hopefully be enormous!

The second thing is your DH's job - its incredibly frustrating to live with someone who moans about how much they dislike their job but then does nothing about it. I must have had millions of conversations with DH about what he could do instead of his current job, how he could move sideways, how he could change how he works etc etc and after more than 10 years of it I just switch off really. He isn't going to change anything because he prefers what he knows to the scary unknown. The fact that he is fed up doesn't mean I have to be as well (and how would two of us being miserable with our lot in life help).

Maybe he just needs to live with the idea a bit OP? DH's default position is moan first and then have a more considered view later. You certainly have time on your hands as your DCs are so little and you might get more out of studying when they are a little but older.

I know the course and job I want to do. I wouldn't be able to get the job without a degree.

Before I had the DC , I just worked as a cashier. That's the only type of job I'd be able to get now.

We can't afford childcare for both children, which is why I'm going to get a weekend job. DP starts work early with no commute, so he gets home at 4pm every day.

Thanks for the replies. You've given me some other things to think about, that we hadn't considered before. I haven't decided that I'm definitely going to do it yet. I don't need to apply until April so I've got time to male a decision.

I did an open uni course when my first son was a baby and it gave me loads more confidence in myself, although didn't really help me work wise as i'm limited with childcare/working hours but I always knew that would be the case, plus it was on the old funding rules.

As much as my hubby really, really hates his job, he supported me fully all the way through and tries to not moan about it, but I know how hard it is for him doing something he hates day in, day out for very little money, just to keep us afloat.

I have made a deal with him, that if it is possible in the future we will swap over roles for a while, let him be sahd for a year or so and see how he gets on, I think its only fair as he loves spending time with the kids and now we have a baby daughter i'd like him to be able to have some of the amazing days I had with our son!

Hope it all works out for you!

What career do you want to do?

Just to throw a (small) spanner in the works here and go against the grain - I run a small business, work a fulltime 9-5 job monday to friday and a 12 a day weekend job sat & sun - and I still find time to do an OU course (overlapped modules as mentioned above meaning i'll have studied for 4 years).
Its hard, but its doable. Admittedly I got a lot of advice on this very forum that has helped me condense my study enough to manage the above though!

*12 hours a day sorry!

Doing an OU course has changed me so much for the better. I have so much more confidence in myself than I ever had and when I get a good grade in my coursework my children are amazingly proud of me which is the best feeling in the world. Can you start small, with a 15 point course (you could possibly find one that starts next month) that way you get into study without over stretching yourself and you can see how it feels to fit it in with housework/work/children, how much pressure you feel when an assignment is due in?

I think the government should fund everyone who wants it to do one course with the OU, it is amazing learning new things when you have left school, it's so much easier when you are properly an adult too.

I think it really does depend on the course you want to do - if it is something based on an interest that already takes up your time (e.g an English degree where you could use the time you already spend reading to study course books etc) then that might be easier to organise than something which would be completely new and need a LOT more studying. Why don't you give your husband a chance to change things for himself such as saying you won't apply for a course until he has had adequate opportunity to find a new job and then you will apply for a job.
Presumably being a SAHM was something you wanted as well as something that worked for your family and I think it would be unfair to completely dismiss your husband's concerns about his job. As the main wage earner, he must feel some degree of pressure to carry on with what he's doing, not to mention the diminished rights he would have if he were to move jobs - could that be holding him back? At a new job he would be effectively easily sackable for the first two years, so it might not seem as simple as just 'getting a new job' to him.

Doh - posted too early!
If you give your husband an opportunity to explore his 'dreams' even though they might not mean such as big change to the family as yours, and show that you support him in doing what he wants from life as well as asking him for his support.

"I know the course and job I want to do. I wouldn't be able to get the job without a degree."

But that's not the same as the degree meaning you'll get the job. There's a big difference between a job requiring a degree (amongst other things with a high level of competition) and a degree qualifying for you a job, so you could walk into a job when it's done. Is a degree all you'd need and then the employment opportunities are plentiful?

It's really hard to say without knowing the job, whether it's worth it or not. If you've sussed out the career path in full and it's all promising, then go for it. But make absolutely sure its the right degree first. I still regret not doing a different masters just because I didn't research it enough.

I'm doing my degree with the OU now and working full time.

It's hard fitting it all in and my DCs are a lot older and understand that I have to have quiet to study.

It's a great thing to do, I'm loving it but it's a big time commitment and I would imaging much harder if you do not have the support of your whole family.

Definitely, definitely do a short course with them before you make any big decisions. They have a rolling programme of small courses which are designed as 'testers' (although they do also count towards your eventual qualification). They aren't dear - in fact, there used to be free 'modules' on the OU website. Doing this first, before April, will help you see if OU is the right route for you. It really isn't for everyone, it is amazing but it's tough.

Your DH doesn't seem to have much of a reason for not wanting you to do the course. You don't have to pay the loan back unitl you're earning £21K+, which is presumably more than you could earn as a cashier, so I don't see that your family won't be financially worse off. And him hating his job is just him hating his job. You doing a degree or working behind a till isn't going to change how much he likes what he is doing. So he seems to be BU.

I'm doing an OU degree to keep me sane while I'm a SAHM. It is difficult to get motivated sometimes, the subject matter isn't always as scintilating as it might be. But it is really nice to have something to think about other than children! And working towards a goal like a career you think you'd love could be very motivating. But do check how likely it is to lead to the job you want (though a course doesn't have to be vocational to be worth doing) and talk to a few people at different stages of the course before you make up your mind. There are quite a few facebook groups dedicated to OU courses that often have very helpful and candid people on them (also sometimes a couple of idiots...).

Just thought I'd update that I've decided not to do it. Well not yet anyway.

I do 99% of the childcare and so I would need DPs support to get all my studying done. The DC are so young and so I don't think it would be fair on them.

Thanks everyone for sharing your experiences. You've made me more determined to do it one day!

Why don't you try a short online course to see how it actually works out?

There are OU ones, but also lots of free good quality stuff now, try googling Coursera, or Allison for example. Here's a website for various others:
www.openculture.com/free_certificate_courses

I'd also be pondering about dog-in-a-manger OH; he's not able or willing to think about improving his own chances (with your support) but doesn't want you to improve your prospects either (and no mention of his support)...?