To feel a little lost and have no idea what I'm doing!

[Newmummee]

My DD is almost 8 weeks, I started off ebf then now mix fed which is starting to become mite formula as my milk is dropping ( something I wish didn't have to happen) so now I'm feeding baby with bottles during day and I'm not sure if she is windy or has reflux or is tired but she might cry between feeds and I'm not sure why.... I can't tell her cries really well yet and I feel like I'm shit for that. I feel like I'm winging it and have no idea what to do really. I don't have any support from parents in terms of bringing up a baby ( just the way our relationship is, some have interfering parents but mine are the opposite!) when baby was ebf I would give her breast to suckle if she cried and that always did the trick.... Now I'm bottle feeding more and may be exclusive bottle fed I don't now how to soothe her as she won't take dummy. She's a fairly good baby but cries more now and I don't know why.... She doesn't settle well unless soothed by breast or feed but I can't over feed her.... Feel like I've done it all wrong so far :(

We are all winging it love, nobody actually knows what they are doing with their first newborn so please don't feel bad about that.
As for parental support things were done very differently even 5 years ago so it's not always helpful. The best thing parents can do in my opinion is not criticise and look after the baby for an hour or 2 so you can have a shower and a nap!!!
I'm not going to advise you on breast feeding because to be honest I've never done it and know nothing about it but I understand there is a lot of support for continuing with it if you want to and other people might come along and help you out there.
If you want to bottle feed then that's fine and there's nothing wrong with doing that either in combination or entirely. If you do have you thought about changing bottles? Dr B antil colic bottles saved my sanity and the sanity of server all people I recommended them to. Also, which milk are you using? I found Aptimil was the best for my 2 after trying others.
Also, how about winding? My first was really hard to wind and tempting as it was to just try for 5 or 10 minutes it really wasn't worth the screams later so we used to wind her for ages!!! We also used gripe water but I'm not sure if you can still get it
Good luck. You aren't alone. It doesn't matter what anyone tells you nothing prepares you for having a baby. I used to manage million pound budgets, staff and all sorts but was reduced to tears of sheer helplessness by a tiny baby on many occasions!!
Xxxxx

Is it possible shes still hungry? Babies have growth spurts and they need feeding more often or need more milk. Sometimes they just want a cuddle! She's still so little.

My DS has reflux, we were told to wind regularly, after every ounce, keep upright for 20 mins after every feed. He's still on medication for it at 23 months.

If you want to up the breast feeding, take a babymoon, go to bed akin to skin for lots of snuggles and feeding. Look on the website Kelly mom- but formula is fine so please don't feel bad about it!

Babies cry and some Cry lots, have you tried a sling? Cab be good for cuddling a baby but keeps you hands free.

Also, I used a dummy with my stressful dd which really helped to settle her.

Like Hoppy says...we are all bluffing our way through this parenting malarkey! Might be worth offering her breast during day as well? Like you, I had to do both which was hard work but found mine found the comfort of breast settled her more.

A helpful mantra I use within parenting is 'Embrace the chaos!'

Please don't be hard on yourself - babies just cry sometimes and some cry more than others. It's not an indication on how well you're doing as a parent, honest! If you've offered milk and cuddles etc and baby's still crying, it can be because they're tired but can't work out how to get to sleep. In this instance I used to put mine in the pram and take them for a walk, trying to tune out to the cries (so impossibly hard tho!).or out or a car trip used to work. Just keep telling yourself that crying is what babies are best at, that you're a good mum who loves her baby and you are doing just fine!

Thank you for your replies

I remember thinking okay, millions of women have babies, this is nothing new, everyone copes, I am reasonably intelligent so why do I feel I'm winging it...?

Because it's new, because your firstborn is amazing and you can't quite believe you made this little creature, because tiny as they are you are suddenly reduced to trying to second guess and keep them happy so if you're not careful your world shrinks to When S/he wakes up, how do I keep her/him happy?

The first three months are like nothing you have experienced, huge responsibility, that nagging feeling 'everyone else' knows automatically how to do it all, your DP doesn't know if you are going to be angry mama tiger who rips his head off for waking baby up or sobbing girl who is knackered from broken nights and hasn't washed her hair in 4 days. He thinks the baby is made of feathers and will pop if he holds her too tight. By the second month if he so much as asks where the loo rolls are or how to cook rice you snarl at him "I look after our baby do I have to tell you everything too?"

Try and get fresh air with your DD every day. When she sleeps, don't run round like a loon trying to catch up, you get yourself clean and have as much rest as you can. Has anyone bought her a little baby rocker yet? That might help if she's windy or grizzling. Have you got a sling, she is so used to being next to Mummy she might just want to be close, that way you can still get around and do stuff. DP can wear it too sometimes give you a break. Sometimes babies cry because they're over-stimulated and needing a lie down, wrapped and cosy out of a draught, maybe near to a washing machine because they like the whoosh sound.

I remember with DD at about 8 weeks she was the same!

With breastmilk I don't think you can over feed so if you want to breast feed more when she's like that you don't have to worry and you should make more milk to suit - the more she takes the more you'll make usually :)

Have another go with the dummy too it was a life saver for me and she dropped using it by around 5 months.

Mostly don't panic though and take a break when you can get one! It all sounds very normal although that doesn't make it less stressful!

What kind of baby rocker do you think? I couldn't get on with the sling, she didn't like it!

I was thinking of a little swing more than a bouncy chair. My DCs were babies so long ago, I just looked that kind of thing up online I can't believe they cost £60 these days,

Anyway getting back to the point, have you looked down the list of Topics, maybe look at Product Test and Surveys for ideas.

The more your baby breastfeeds, the more milk you will produce. So, if you want to breastfeed just sack off the bottles and cuddle up on the sofa with lots of nice drinks and snacks to keep your energy up :)

8 weeks is rough imo. All the early visitors have vanished because the novelty has worn off, baby's in the middle of a growth spurt and you're still healing from giving birth. Be kind to yourself and try and get to some groups or classes to give yourself a chance of meeting people to moan and rant with! Children's centres often have breastfeeding groups, might be a good place to start?

What kind of sling, some are better than others? despite what mothercare et al might try to sell you

I feel like I'm winging it and have no idea what to do really

welcome to the club we are all winging it, and lots of us also do not have family support indeed as we read on here sometimes quite the opposite.

8 weeks is still very very early days, i would second advice to take a baby moon and let her suckle, your right when they cry and can latch on, it does calm them down.

with my first I mixed breast and bottle, I couldnt have EBF because i wasnt in the right frame of mind to do it, sadly....

second time round we hve EBF and I am still going strong 15 months later, why? because its made my life so much easier, she has been less ill, so much easier to calm down ( shove breast at her) been easier at night, rather than faffing with a bottle and waking me up, I just BF....

so my adive would be to remeber its so very very early days, and to try and up the milk supply and leave the bottles and expressing for the moment...give it a few more weeks, then decide if yt

I promise I'm not stalking you but I notice your posts as I have a DD of 6 weeks so I read threads from people with babies of similar ages - it seems to me like you are feeling very anxious and unsure in general. Have you spoken to someone irl about al your worries? Everyone frets a bit but you seem to be dealing with several issues and maybe you could do with some real life support? It might be medical in the form of ADs or maybe as simple as finding a baby group with volunteers who would love to hold a baby while you have a lovely hot cup of tea! I went to a new toddler group today so my older DS could run around and everyone was really friendly and pleased to see new faces, and I couldn't move for people desperate to cuddle DD while I had a coffee someone else made and biscuits! And it was free I felt really pleased I'd gone afterwards.

Just to say - I never managed to interpret my 2's cries. Not a clue.

Sorry just to ad, I think air in bottles can add to wind but not sure....try cycling her legs up to her tummy and massage tummy, there are vids on u tube how to do this...we EBF but had bad wind it passed at three months.

there is so much hulabaloo with babies, the hype is un beliveable....in other cultures its much more matter of fact, have baby and ge on with it....at 8 weeks there isnt much to do, they dont move, just relax...recover from the birth,

Uh oh.... I been found to be an anxious mother something I really didn't think id be, I'm coping ok and will defo get to some groups when I can get out easier in mornings (all groups seem to be in am)
I am unsure of some things yes and that's why I ask here :)
I am prob not as anxious as I come a cross but I just have a lot of queries that come into my head and sometimes after poor sleep I wonder how on earth I manage!

Just to say - I never managed to interpret my 2's cries. Not a clue.

I can tell a windy cry but it was mostly guesswork with the rest!

With my first I was told because I breast fed she didn't need to be winded... wrong haha! Poor thing must have been blown up like a balloon for a few days before I realised she just needed a good burp

As everyone says, we're all bluffing a bit!!!! My DS would not take a dummy at all - would look annoyed and urge if you put one near him! But he did like to suck on silky labels when he had had enough boob... That used to relax him for some reason.. Worth a go?

Drivingtodistraction what is AD's and irl? Not really up to speed on all abv.

You've had lost of good advice about upping your supply if you want to, but,you know, if you don't want to bf then that's fine, there's no reason why you can't still stick your nipple in your baby's mouth if that's what comforts her. In many countries 'dry suckling' is quite common from female relatives of the mother, so do what helps you and your baby and try not to think so much about 'should'. Good luck x

PS- no baby likes slings until you get moving. I have the slingiest of slingy babies and he would scream until I got moving, then he was happy as larry. Just a tip if you want to give it another try ;)

Thanks makesamess that's helpful

ADs = anti depressants
irl = in real life

Oh I see thanks, I'm not depressed though just lots of questions and not much support