to not really understand why fostering is suggested as an alternative to having your own child?

[rainydarkskies]

Adoption, yes, I totally understand, as the child is yours.

But I have been watching Corrie (I know) and being a foster carer is being presented almost as if it is the same as adoption, which it is not.

I've also had people suggest it to me when I've mentioned I'd like to be a parent but probably won't have my own children and wouldn't be approved to adopt. "Why don't you foster?"

AIBU to think fostering a child and adopting one or giving birth to one are totally different things?

Long term fostering can come very close to adoption, in that you're giving a child a stable home and (hopefully) the chance to thrive.

Long term here. There are similarities to fostering and anyone offering children permanent homes is a parent. Anyone offering short term should be offering care, love and stability. AKA parenting. Though it can be extreme parenting!
Maybe you should investigate it in more depth.

Btw, you are not unreasonable. You are trying to figure it out.

ghost I think foster carers are amazing but I know I don't have the resilience to be one. Are there any ways I could support fostering and foster parents without being one?

Foster Carers are professional parents who look after children on behalf of the LA. They often look after children who have been traumatised, abused and/or neglected. They love the children as if they are their own. Often they have to, at the request of the LA, return children to their parents who they know have treated them badly in the past.

I have the upmost respect for them.

thedog what about respite care? Its often a few days or a week at a time to give families or foster carers a break?

Often its with families with disabled children.

I don't know, suppose you get to experience what it's like to be a parent in a way but adoption is much better I'de imagine as morally, legally etc. it's like that child had been born to you.

In your own situation, OP, I can see what you mean. Fostering is not the same thing, but it can be rewarding and fulfilling and have just as important a role in a child's life. I'm not sure what the criteria are but I would have thought that it was just as difficult to be approved as a foster carer as an adoptive parent.

I wouldn't be able to and I am definitely in no way shape or form criticising foster parents. I was just, as somebody said up the thread, trying to work it out. Fostering always seemed to me quite sporadic - I thought the point generally was that it was temporary?

I see what you mean about LT though.

Virtually all children who come into foster care over the age of 4 will stay in long term foster care unless they go back to birth family in my experience. LT fostering is common. It is a weird position to be in as a foster carer though, you have 24/7 responsibility for a child ( with 1 SW visit every 3 months), but zero power - all parental responsibility is he'd by social services and the birth parents.

I guess that's what I was thinking, Parsnip - that you might in your eyes view the child as 'yours' but the law would not.

I wondered with that in mind how wise it is to foster and really love the child as yours when all the time they could be taken away. I don't mean foster parents shouldn't love the child of course. I just can't imagine it, myself - perhaps some people can. Just that to me it isn't comparable to being a parent.

Oh it's easy to love them as your own. I forget my LT child is fostered unless the SW calls or there is a review. The legal stuff is similar I suppose to living as a single parent - you have to run stuff by other people, but it makes no difference to the emotions :)

Fostering is a business. I shall be shot for that opinion, but the state is paying you a handsome wage per child, in this borough it is in excess of £400 per week per mainstream child, closer to £600 per week per child-with-problems.

Woman down the road has extended her house, she has between 4 and 6 teenage girls at any given time. IMHO I wouldnt want my child there (because of the way she runs the house) but it's nice money if you can get it. Get a child you can't deal with or control, put them back into the system and get a more compliant one in the place of.

Bohemian girl, you can only take 3 under 18s at a time unless they are siblings. I am paid nothing like £40o per child - for a drug addicted baby requiring 2 hourly feeding for 7 months I was paid £29 per week. For teenagers it's about £120 per week fee. Most of the teens I foster have extreme needs, are on bail, out of school or have severe mental health needs. I had a chest infection this week but I don't get sick pay or any possibility of a day off. I was on call all christmas, for no pay ( we get £30 if a child is placed out of hours). I have had one of my placements 12 years, with short breaks when she had 2 disrupted adoptions because if her extreme behaviour. I have been threatened, assaulted, had my house burgled by birth parents. It is not a business. My childminder neighbour works 9-5 and is a lot better 'paid' than me ( not that childminders have it easy).

If fostering was so lucrative, why is there such a shortage of carers? Especially for teenagers?

BohemianGirl, that crack about getting a child you can't control and putting them back into the system and getting a more compliant one is a disgusting thing to say, and I've yet to meet a handsomely paid fosterer.

But of course foster carers are paid - do you think they should deal with traumatised children, disrupted adoptions, difficult behaviours 24/7 for free? It's an enormously demanding job. As with any job, there will be some foster carers who are more caring and committed than others, but the idea that it's easy cash is laughable.

I agree with Parsnip.

Long term packages for Siblings can cover a very good wage and so it should, your life is governed by others and you are carrying out a very important service.

You are battling against an underfunded service for that children, which eats at you with frustration.

OP, the opinions given on that particular Soap, is from the Characters, who are Mis/under informed.

Fostering can be, Crisis, Short term or Long Term.

Special Guardian awards were bought in to fill a gap. There are other Court Awarded residency orders, these are to give the child stability in their (fostered/looked after) family.

The support for Foster Carers is still very poor.

There should be a special fully funded counselling service, for the Carers, but the same doesn't exist for the traumatised children/teens.

People think that a child whose Siblings have been given up, or been sexually abused/emotionally damaged have the services waiting, but there is very patchy provision.

thedog respite care or support work. As holidays said. Unfortunately it comes down to council budgets. If you know any foster carers maybe become their babysitter? I haven't had a night out with DH for years. Excluding the 4 night break we had last year. First break in 2 years. Babysitters need to be crb checked so I don't like to ask anyone. Nice that you would like to support someone.
bohemiangirl we have gotten ourselves into considerable debt moving home to accommodate the needs of our children. Also, everything parsnip said. You should not assume the lady down the road is making a profit. If she has 6-8 teenagers she needs a medal and good neighbours who support her not judge her.

Thanks for answers :)