They are coming for a week in March (to a nearby b and b as fortunately we don't have a spare bed), but they are also going to squeeze in a weekend visit first (as dp's mother has relatives an hour away from us). They live a 5 or 6 hour drive away.
They're not nasty people, there might be the odd acerbic comment or complaining email if things don't go quite as dp's mother would like. And they can be rather manipulative and controlling by making dp feel guilty if he doesn't speak/see them often enough. But the problem is that they are the most self-absorbed, unaware, lacking in perception people I have ever met. They have never ever, in fifteen years, never once, never, asked me a question about me - what I like to do, what I want to do with my life, what I'm reading, what is my opinion of the political situation in Kiev! Nothing. If it were just me that wouldn't be so bad, it would mean that they had a problem with me, but it's everyone, they show no interest or remember what anyone is into. When we stay with them they still ask dp what it is he doesn't like - (he has hated mushrooms or eggs since being little - madness I know, but that's another thread). DP is really into making music, they don't ask how that is coming along, let alone ask to hear anything. They really like our children (3 and 5) but they don't play with them much or engage with them or know them. They don't offer to look after them (for our benefit) or take them out (for the sake of just being grandparents) I hate it when they come round as the girls are so excited but after an initial hug and kiss the inlaws sit down and start on the same old repertoire of stories whilst the children try to get their attention or give up and go and play on their own. His mother tells bitchy or outraged of... stories, whilst his father with no regard for his audience or their concerns launches into a monologue about whatever happens to interest him at the moment - any attempts to join in are met with total misunderstanding, not listening or flat contradiction.
When they want to come to see us they do, unless we actually have a definite engagement (in which case they'll try to squeeze in a cup of tea before or after) they just presume they can come. DP acknowledges that they have shortcomings and is really sad about how they are with our children. But they are his parents and he loves them. I'm happy to see them and make them lunch and dinner and so on, but I would like it not always to be on their terms or as often as it is. DP sometimes wants to see them and other times, if we've just seen them or if they're due again doesn't mind if he sees them or not. But in these cases we always do end up seeing them - their thick skinned persistence wins.
So, am I being unreasonable to think that DP could have said, "Sorry, we've got a lot on this weekend (we have - we're selling our house and need to tart it up) and we're seeing you a couple of weeks after for a week." DP is great and helps me with my mother (who is ill), and this (his parents) is really the only sort of on-going argument we have. He thinks I'm being selfish but he acts as though I were trying to stop him seeing them, which I'm not. I think that seeing people who live 5 or 6 hours away every few weeks is pretty often and I just want to be able to say 'Not this time' without it being such a damned big deal.