To think that DH should share some of the load in the house?

[cithkadston]

DH works full time, in a job he hates, but he won't look for anything else.

I work part time from home. I work school hours each weekday. I work part time as it is easier for me to work flexible hours as I am self employed. DH and I earn roughly the same

Basically DH barely does anything in the house. Yes he goes to work full time, but having to "think" for everyone in the house as well as work in a demanding job is grinding me down. I'm not a martyr by any means and have tried and tried to discuss it with DH. But the fact is, if I didn't do everything then nothing would get done.

I currently do all of the cleaning, tidying, laundry, childcare, cooking, meal planning, food shopping and all other tasks associated with running the home. It never occurs to DH to perhaps check that we have packed lunch ingredients for the next day, or to suggest a meal for the evening. It all falls to me.

He will occasionally bath the DC, but even then it's just half a job, ie dumping them in the bath and then going off and playing on his phone in the bedroom leaving me to sort them out. He does his hobby two nights a week, then another hobby most Saturdays, then on Sunday he considers it to be his day off so he just sits around all day watching films that aren't suitable for the kids so it's left to me to entertain them, prepare their meals and all other things that they need doing.

He thinks I'm being unreasonable in expecting him to pull his weight but it's just getting too much for me.

Did you plan your children. He doesn't sound very interested in the family does he?

Meant to add, have you discussed it with him and what has he said?

Oh god that's not on at all. Don't let this go on for any longer. You don't have to argue about it to solve it but tell him that he is to take over the responsibility for x,y or z (don't ask-it sounds like its your job and you are asking for help, which shouldn't be the case). My dh cannot cook so I told him that he now has to hoover the whole house every Thursday evening, dust and clean the bathroom to compensate for the fact that he doesn't and cannot cook. In fairness to him its always done and i never have to nag.

Don't go in looking for arguments, he'll get all defensive. Ask him what jobs he can do around the house and how often he thinks they should be done, and then tell him politely that from now on these are his jobs. My dh is a more honey than vinegar kind of person and this approach always works.

YANBU.

What does he think he contribute, besides money?

In our house we consider hours spent working, as well as the intensity if that work, and chores are split accordingly to ensure an equal burden.

As it stands, I'm currently a SAHM which is a doddle compared to the hours and stress if his job, but all that's changing this year as I start working and college. It's going to take a bit of assessment and adjustment to find the right balance but hubby knows I won't expect him to do more hours than me, nod I know my husband is happy to take a fair share. It's going to be difficult at first until we find the right balance. I'm not looking forward to the upheaval but it'll be fine once we know how many hours I'll be working and at college and study time.

If he hates his job could he be suffering from depression, maybe? You need to sit him down and explain your feelings. I wouldn't be happy if DP didn't contribute to household and livid if he neglected his fatherly duties. Sounds like he's living the single life while you raise the children and run the house. YANBU

I always say a couple should have equal free time.

I do most of the housework as I see that I am still in working hours as DH is.

I will be watching this space
I'd love to know to get dh helping out.

YANBU. That's our arrangement except I work full time and he does school hours. I put a wash in before work and make a start on packed lunches before I go and write a list for shopping. We take turns at putting the kids to bed. Whoever's doing bed time puts the clean stuff away and whoever cooks the other washes up.