My Mum thinks it is OK for a cousin to be nasty to me

[GraduateMum]

I am a well educated older Mum with one child but my Mother ( I am an only child) would prefer me to be more like my cousin (pregnant at 16 with 5 children by 3 relationships). In recent years my cousin has been trying to re-invent herself but at the same time being very nasty to and about others in the family. She has driven her own sister from the family, tried to cause trouble for another cousin and has now started on me and my son. Because my Mum would love to have lots of grandchildren etc. she can see no wrong and blames me if my cousin is nasty about me or my son. It feels like she has been stolen from me and I no longer want to even see her. What can I do?

Take a step.back.op. Don't engage with your mum when she talks about you cousin just say 'thats nice' in a disinterested tone. Give yourself time and distance. You need to address exactly what your.mum is saying and why, how you can step back and stop.feeling hurt and deal with her

Tell your mother if she continues to back up your cousin then you will go non contact with her (say it and mean it)

Tell your cousin to fuck off and stop being a fucking arse
Stand up for yourself

Also people cannot be stolen and much as you should cut off and fuck off your cousin you must accept that your mum-for her own reasons- is choosing to do this.

what PissesGlitter said.

I think your Mother is projecting some self-directed anger/guilt on to you. She obviously desired more children and can't understand why you don't. Totally unreasonable of her to side with your cousin over you. Is she difficult to please/get on with generally?

Next time she starts at you, tell her that if she wanted loads of grandchildren she should have had more kids herself and to stop making it your problem.

Graduate mum can you give some examples?

What sort of thing is your cousin saying? Can you take a step back and have nothing to do her.

I have told her that if she does not see wrong in how my son and I are treated she is not worthy of being my mother. I am an only child, as is my son, so we are all she has but my Mum is from a big family and can't accept that she does not have a big family. My cousin does have a big family as she already has grandchildren. I am well educated and my cousin is not in fact she is everything I am not and vice versa , but my Mum thinks she is a nicer person and says that my education made me the nasty person that I am. Other cousins all know the problem and dislike my cousin but it has come to a head as I can't face going to a family funeral and seeing my Mum with people who are so nasty to me.

Unfortunately, she's heading for losing the one child, and one grandchild, she does have!

"my education makes me the nasty person that I am."

You could be a hell of a lot nastier to her, and it would be her fault, for "starting it," by being so vile to you, to start with!

Has she always been like this?

"Would you have liked more grandchildren, Mother? Well the fact is you have one. But continue behaving the way you do and you might as well have none at all. Think about it"

They sound very envious of what you've achieved and determined to bring you down however they can. I'd give up trying to please them.

Your Education has probably made you moré confidente than she would like, because you stand up for yourself and your son. How very daré you?

YANBU

But don't let this prevent you from attending a funeral, just stand up for yourself if the cousin starts and remind her that it's a funeral and therefore not the time for causing argumentos etc.

And if your mother is from a big family then you are not all she has, don't let her play that card.

Got it in one "They sound very envious of what you've achieved and determined to bring you down however they can. I'd give up trying to please them." I think I have tried too hard as I even bought half of my parents bungalow to allow then to live in a nice place that they liked. Now my Mum wishes she lived in a council house like her sister with a big family around her. I am not alone having these problems as it happened to Jenni Murray ex. Woman's Hour and the Actress Sue Johnson from the Royale Family. People don't like to see others get on but forget how hard we work to get there.

I have never understood the "drag everyone down" attitude of some people. I was teased (and bullied) at school for being both bright and interested in learning (oh yeah and a girl with glasses & spots )

I think you're going to have to distance yourself. Remain pleasant & neutral when in contact - how silly of your mum really