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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think he should take holidays when kids are off

16 replies

Belini · 23/01/2014 09:33

ExP gets 4 weeks holiday per year. There are no issues with when he takes them. With the exception of Christmas/ new year. He cannot book holidays then but is given 4 days off either over Christmas or over new year. I asked him yesterday to sit down with me & work out which weeks he would be having our 2 DC. Turns out he only has 3 weeks left as he took a holiday last week because he felt he needed a week of peace. Aibu to think he should take holidays during the twelve weeks the DC are off school?

OP posts:

BadChat25 · 23/01/2014 09:36

YANBU to want him to do this but unfortunately if your ex says he won't, without a contact order you can't do much about it.

scaevola · 23/01/2014 09:37

He took a week's leave without telling you?

I see that as a worrying indicator of how he sees partnership. Much more so than working out his holidays fit the school holidays (for there are lots of possibilities about how to balance the wants/needs of each person against the need to care for DC).

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit · 23/01/2014 09:39

I don't think you can expect your ExP to take time off to cover childcare during your contact hours, but I would expect him to organise childcare (be that paid, family or using his own holiday time) for when he has the children and they are not in school.

If he was a nice, involved parent, he might well offer to use his holidays to spend extra time with the children over their school holidays. Is he generally like this?

Norudeshitrequired · 23/01/2014 09:40

Maybe he needed a break. Is his job stressful?
Will he compromise and pay the cost of holiday childcare during the school holidays.
Do you work and therefore need him to have the kids for some of the holidays?

I live with my husband and I wouldn't expect him to use ALL of his annual leave during the school holidays. He uses most of his leave during the school holidays as he enjoys family time, but he needs a couple of child free days each year to de-stress and have some personal space so he will take some of his leave during term time (only a few days).

scaevola · 23/01/2014 09:40

As an XP, he can of course take leave without your "permission" as such. But in an amicable co-parenting partnership, then discussing things like leave from work (which have an obvious impact on the DC, whose needs should come first) is the right thing to do, and a reasonable expectation on your part.

(Wonders if selfish behaviour was part of the reason he became an X)

Norudeshitrequired · 23/01/2014 09:41

He took a week's leave without telling you?

I'm sure that as an ex he isn't obliged to run everything by the OP. As long as he fulfils his contact time and general parenting duties then he doesn't need permission from the OP.

LoveWine · 23/01/2014 09:46

I wouldn't expect an ex to be coordinating his holiday time with me - he can take it whenever he wants as long as he doesn't neglect his parental duties.

CrapBag · 23/01/2014 09:57

Sorry I can understand you are annoyed but I actually think YABU.

Do you honestly expect him to take all his annual leave in all school holidays, never having a day off? He is your ex, he has every right to take a week off work without consulting you over when it is.

I would hope that some of his leave will be to have his children though.

Original poster

Belini · 23/01/2014 10:03

We co-parent quite well most of the time. He works mon-fri in a job I wouldn't call stressful (I also used to work there). He has every 2nd weekend to himself and also most weeknights. He does come to mine for dinner once a week. I didn't expect him to ask for permission. I was just a bit miffed as I thought we were on the same page.

OP posts:

Norudeshitrequired · 23/01/2014 10:17

Do you work OP and is it likely to cause childcare difficulties due to him having one less weeks leave during the school holidays?

SomethingkindaOod · 23/01/2014 10:26

Is he willing to take the majority of his leave during school holidays or is he being difficult about holidays in general?
DH takes a weeks leave during term time and the odd day here and there when needed but makes sure he keeps a fortnight for the summer holidays, is that what your ex plans to do?

fairylightsatchristmas · 23/01/2014 12:05

I guess it depends on what the access arrangements are and what usually happens in school holidays. If YOU work f/t and are expected to use all your holiday entitlement to cover school hols and pay for childcare the rest of the time then YANBU. If you would be home with them anyway or only need half of your allowance to cover their hols, then so long as he does half YABU. Its not about permission but you parent these kids jointly, regardless of where the one of you sleeps at night, so ideally these issues should be jointly addressed.

Iwannalaylikethisforever · 23/01/2014 12:24

I think yabu. Why should your ex discuss his holiday arrangements with you?

natwebb79 · 23/01/2014 12:48

Those saying the OP is BU as the ex may need a rest, does the OP get to take a week off child-free if she needs a break?

TheresLotsOfFarmyardAnimals · 23/01/2014 12:51

YANBU he is being inconsiderate. It is also sad that he doesn't want to spend his time off with his DC who he doesn't live with.

Norudeshitrequired · 23/01/2014 12:52

We don't know if the OP gets a week off if she needs a rest. We don't know if the OP is able to take a week off work during term time or go on holiday whilst her ex has the children. We don't even know if the OP has a job outside of the home or has all her term time days to herself.

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