WIBU never to buy my dh another present again?

[Emski76]

I rarely buy gifts for my dh as he always makes it quite clear he doesn't really want the gift and buys everything he wants for himself. To the point that his Xmas gift from 2012 was left in our bedroom in the gift bag for just under a year.
I bought him a FitBit for his birthday last week thinking he would love it. He loves tracking his mileage, calories and steps etc. I really thought he loved it but he has just come to me and asked if he could return it and buy himself a watch instead as his phone already does everything the FitBit does.
I told him to stop talking and that yes it was very hurtful. I don't think he realises that this has really upset me.
Disclaimer: I suffer terribly with stress, anxiety and depression and have just started feeling better today after a few days of feeling very low. Couldn't he have just taken the gift and not said anything?

It's just rude

(Of course you're allowed to think 'oh god, how awful/not what I wanted' but you don't say it...unless you want to risk sounding seriously ungratefull. Are you British op? I think we're worse for manners etc and doing this more than once would render you a twat for all time here. I'm sure it's different elsewhere though so may be too British to answer you very helpfully ).

I rarely buy my DH anything as he likes to do research and price comparison sites blah blah so I just dont bother!

Bloody rude.

Have you told him how it makes you feel? You should. Nobody who loves you would want to do anything they know hurts you.

But, tbh, stop buying him things. If he doesnt understand or appreciate the sentiment that is at the core of gift giving then he doesnt deserve it.

He sounds like my dp, Very logical and not very romantic. I called his bluff one year and pretended I didn't realise it was his birthday (he always says these celebrations are pointless and arbitrary).By 4pm he was on the phone asking me if I knew what the day was.
You will not change him. Just get him a card and be glad to save the money.

YABU I don't think it's rude at all!

I hate it when dp chooses something for me as he will always pick some thing I don't like and it's a waste of money as I won't wear/ use it.

It's the same for him too. We give each other a list of things we would like and go from there.

The watch will still be from you and he will use it every day!

Ywnbu. My DH does this too and I find it so hurtful.

I got him a lovely picture frame with ds's foot prints on it with a lovely snap in for his desk at work. It is very tasteful and so so sweet with ds's little feet and smiling face. It has been sitting on our mantel piece since Xmas day despite several reminders to him to take it to work.

I just feel like of he doesn't like the gift, could he not just pretend to make me feel less shit about it?? I thought it was such a nice and thoughtful gift (he works long hours at that desk and barely sees DS in the week).

Urgh!

Thank you for all your replies. I'm hiding in the study at the moment because I don't know how to react.
I do think its a bit rude, but thats because I wouldn't dream of saying it to anyone else but can see the view also that its just the way he is.
Knicker, he is very logical, and I think I will just stop mentioning birthdays etc. Its never the same when you have to remind someone that Valentines or your birthday is coming up. I won't change him your right.
Mishmash, I can see your view that you don't think its rude, but he loves tech stuff and measuring his steps etc and he did seem really pleased when I bought it. I just think a gift is something someone gets you because they know you well enough to choose a nice item for you. Not something to be handed back.
Lesson learned. i will no longer buy dh presents!!
I just think that with a marriage that is already a bit iffy at times (as I know lots are), we could at least still buy each other gifts. Its just another thing we've lost. :-(

BonaDea, yes I would be hurt by that too. The cards that the ds's made him are laid on the kitchen side with all the other cards. I think he's just a bit selfish. He's calling me now asking what I'm doing. If only he knew!!

I could have written your post Emski. In fact I did write a very similar post just after Christmas. I bought my dh an iPad for Christmas. I was so pleased and smug that I'd got him such a cool present.

He didn't want it.

Similar excuse about paying for the brand name and he'd just get himself a phone instead. Bollocks to him. I took it back. So technically he got nothing from us for Christmas. Tough luck on him.

Of course you can tell someone you love and loves you and shares your money that the present isn't what you want, and return it for something you do want. If you can't you're accepting that lies are better than the truth in your relationship, and that's bonkers.

Why do you want him to have something he doesn't need and want? He's not rejecting you, he just doesn't want the gift, so looks at it logically.

op but you don't know him well enough in what he wants for a gift. I really wouldn't take it to heart.

If he has form for not wanting/ liking the gifts you got why keeping putting yourself out there?

When I first got with dp I got tacky pajamas, perfume that reminded me of an ex, shit body creams....in fact it was what he panicked bought on the way home.

One of my exs called me once that he had a present for me, so excitedly I waited for him to turn up ....it was a fucking Pussey tickler. A rubber contraception that looks like a pair of lips with a hand pump! I gave it him back! He apologised and returned with a new gift.... A jumper that was too small .

Honestly it's easier just to say .....I want x,y,z ...what do you want. Then no hurt feelings.

Ilovemydog, I'm tempted to take it and use it myself. When he asks where it is I'll tell him it's mine now.
I'm so hurt which feels ridiculous. He's snoring next to me and either has no idea how shit I feel or simply doesn't care.

Well, if he makes it clear what he wants and can get for himself, then YABU to buy presents without consulting. Would you be excited to get a ton of cosmetics which you're not going to use?

Fred, that's true but some people aren't logical. I would never tell someone I didn't like/want a gift they had bought me. I feel pretty shit about it tbh. We're all different tho.

Nataleejah, so because a person can buy what they want they shouldn't ever get a well thought out present. I don't ask what he wants because he always gives the same reply - 'nothing'. As I said, I will not make the same mistake again.
Mishmash, I thought I knew him well enough to know what gift he'd like. He seemed very pleased on his birthday but as usual his penny pinching ways have made his brain start ticking and now he's thought of what he could swap it for.

Emski76 I would agree with that with anyone less close to you than your DP, but lies and that is what this would be aren't something I want - particularly with a gift where you need to keep using it to show that you like it. He can't just stick the fitbit in the cupboard, so it's a lie that would have to keep on going.

I know you don't think of it as a lie, but realise that he possibly does, and by being honest and truthful he's doing you more of a honour than pretending. Of course he may just be an arse, I don't know enough to say.

I know you don't think of it as a lie, but realise that he possibly does, and by being honest and truthful he's doing you more of a honour than pretending. Of course he may just be an arse, I don't know enough to say.

^^^^ this.

Ugh. I feel your pain. My dp does things like this and I feel crushed. My sister does too. I know it doesn't help but try to think that he is the arse, not you.