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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you are not and are never going to be my DDs SM

71 replies

BadChat25 · 22/01/2014 16:38

Name changed.

Ok In short (very short) DD (ExH) does not see her Dad, he does not contribute financially, ever ask after her or generally have anything to do with either of us.

His new girlfriend has been discussing her "step daughter" locally (meaning my daughter) and I am fuming. She has never and will never have anything to do with my DD. Her Father will never have anything to do with her either (his choice just to make that clear)

I'm not pissed off that he has a girlfriend and am most certainly not jealous, I left him a long time ago and I have never regretted that decision. What pisses me off is that this woman is going around referring to my daughter as her step child, they have been together approx 6 weeks.

WTAF? Do people actually think this is normal behaviour?

OP posts:
Original poster
BadChat25 · 22/01/2014 17:25

I am starting to

OP posts:
Original poster
BadChat25 · 22/01/2014 17:26

Bloody phone... Starting to calm down now. Less pissed and more bemused.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 22/01/2014 17:31

I wonder if she was just saying it to wind your brother/you up?

Original poster
BadChat25 · 22/01/2014 17:32

Unfort

OP posts:
Original poster
BadChat25 · 22/01/2014 17:32

She doe

OP posts:
AmberLeaf · 22/01/2014 17:35

if she is a new girlfriend then maybe your ex has been less than honest about his relationship with your daughter?
not uncommon for an absent father to suddenly get a renewed interest in their child when there's a new girlfriend on the scene.

Tigerstripes · 22/01/2014 17:38

But what could she have to say about a child she's never met? And presumably her father doesn't know much about her life either. I agree with other posters that she was doing it to make her relationship sound more serious but she couldn't have much to talk about!

WorraLiberty · 22/01/2014 17:39

I can't help thinking how apt the OP's NN is...considering she's having posting problems Grin

JapaneseMargaret · 22/01/2014 17:40

Oh, God for her.

She is totally embarrassing herself, for reasons known only to herself. Why would anyone call a child they've never met, by a feckless man who has nothing to do with said child, their step daughter...?!

She's a few cells short, I think, poor dear.

NatashaBee · 22/01/2014 17:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JapaneseMargaret · 22/01/2014 17:44

Seriously, you cannot let people like this wind you up.

The appropriate reaction is bemused amusement. The only thing guaranteed to take the wind out of their sails.

Rosencrantz · 22/01/2014 17:47

Agree with everyone else. Just semantics.

She's probably too stupid to realize stepmother is a totally different thing to Dad's girlfriend. Or that 'stepmother' implies some kind of permanence in your daughters life.

Make sure to have a good chuckle at her expense when then inevitably break up, OP. 6 weeks is a joke!

MightyMagnificentScarfaceClaw · 22/01/2014 17:52

YANBU, not because you have to be married to be a SM but because he has no relationship. I think a PP has it right - she's trying to big herself up and make out the relationship is more than it is. She will make herself look silly. Try to ignore, you are the parent who is in your DD's life and she knows that.

Original poster
BadChat25 · 22/01/2014 18:58

Haha Worra yes I think it is quite fitting in this case.

My phone was playing up so I gave up until I was home and the little one tucked up.

What I was trying to say... Was I doubt she would have actually known who my brother was but it is a possibility I guess. He doesn't stay here anymore and was by pure chance he happened to be there, was going to my Mum's and had forgotten his key so had to wait on her getting home from work.

I think you are all possibly right in that she is trying to make their relationship sound more serious, either that or she is just a very silly little girl that doesn't realise I know everyone who drinks in that pub and they are all aware of the fact I am very much a single mum. It's a very small village and people know more than they let on.

I have pretty much cooled off now although I think a little Wine is on the cards Grin

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Original poster
BadChat25 · 22/01/2014 19:50

Ok so back to boiling point. My DM just rang me and said DB hadn't wanted to tell me she was showing off pics of my DD Angry

They were pictures her Granny took at my home and must of sent them on to her son - fair enough. But why the fuck does his girlfriend have them on her phone? And why is she showing pictures of my child to people???

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BruthasTortoise · 22/01/2014 20:15

I really think this has to fall under "don't sweat the small stuff." What affect is this going to have on your life or your DDs life? None. What can be done about it? Nothing. She looks like a fool, so just leave her to it.

Original poster
BadChat25 · 22/01/2014 20:19

I know none and I can't do anything I'm just pissed off. Can't help it.

She's lucky it wasn't me in the pub (I don't drink there anyway for obvious reasons) but I think I would have made sure her phone took a swim in the nearest pint.

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BruthasTortoise · 22/01/2014 20:33

Don't blame you for being pissed off at all but take comfort in the fact that she looks completely stupid in what's she's doing.

giggleshizz · 22/01/2014 20:39

Well exp started referring to OW as dd's stepmother while I was five months pregnant (he'd been with her about 6 weeks at this point)!! Beat that Confused . Funny how neither of them are in dd's life now (she's 15 months now).

Anyhoot you are most certainly not being unreasonable. I went apeshit! Just try and rise above it and get on with yours and your dd life. I do know how it feels though. Grrrr.

Original poster
BadChat25 · 22/01/2014 20:40

Yes, I do enjoy stupid people... Hmm

I will need to try and sit back and laugh. No wine for me tonight now, I don't think it would keep my cool in check. Bath and early bed. My head is sore from all this thinking. It isn't good for you Grin

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SnakeyMcBadass · 22/01/2014 20:43

That would piss me off, too. It's the idea of someone having pics of my DC who doesn't actually know them and showing them to randoms as if they are somehow connected to her. Yeah, that would boil my piss. But there is nothing you can do without it going all 'Jeremy Kyle', so rise above it. Smile, knowing that she hasn't a fucking clue and has been landed with your ex, the kind of man who abandons a child. Yeah, she loses Grin

Original poster
BadChat25 · 22/01/2014 20:47

Doesn't need to go all 'Jeremy Kyle' it could go all 'Jerry Springer' haha.

You are right though. Rise above it. I will certainly try.

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Original poster
BadChat25 · 22/01/2014 20:49

Oh wait I mean 'Jerry Springer' without the flashing.

Although I do have a pretty good rack if I do say so myself Hmm...

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TenMinutesLate · 22/01/2014 20:52

She is odd, no normal person would do this. And your ExP sounds a right catch. Not!

Even after 8 years of knowing my SD it still sounds/feels funny but is the easiest way to explain my relationship with her.

Pilgit · 22/01/2014 20:52

YANBU. This would pass me off too. My wicked stop mother tries to treat me and my sister as if we are her step children. It Is Ridiculous. She came into our lives when I was 25 and sister 28 and she is only 10 years older than my sister. She seems to think sh r should get some sort of parental defference because of her relationship with dad. This is just another of the reasons why she is the only person I actively dislike. I feel your pain op. The level of care and involvement the term implies simply isn't there. People will see her as a lunatic!

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