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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to think - Yes - I was bridezilla. Yes I was in the wrong

31 replies

PinkSnowAndStars · 21/01/2014 21:44

I got married in October. And fell out with my best friend two weeks before the big day.

Why?

Because she had arranged to bring her 2 kids and I was being such a bridezilla I didn't want them there.

We fell out. We've not spoken since. She lives in the flat below me. Consequently I'm in a unhappy marriage, and missing the best friend I ever had. I know I screwed up, bit I don't know what to do to make it better. I know I was in the wrong. But at the time it was all about my big day!!

And no.., I'm not gluezilla... The venue just chucked some confetti on the table. It wasn't a lavish affair. I just think I've lost my best friend forever. And I dont know where to start!

OP posts:
AryaOfHouseSnark · 21/01/2014 21:45

Pop down and say your sorry. She will probably be as desperate to make up as you are.

AryaOfHouseSnark · 21/01/2014 21:46

Oh and take Wine and Chocolate

hopelessadventure · 21/01/2014 21:46

Maybe start by telling her what you've written here?

I'm not sure how being a bridezilla means you are now in an unhappy marriage. I assume the two aren't related? I'm sorry you're unhappy, what can you do to change it?

JoyceDivision · 21/01/2014 21:47

Go down to her flat, knock on teh door, grovel and hope the embers of friendship burn slightly so that your friend will welcome you back?

The unhappy marriage bit, though, hope you're also addressing that..

Good luck with both

QuintessentialShadows · 21/01/2014 21:47

So, whats wrong in your marriage, you have only been married a few months?

CustardOmlet · 21/01/2014 21:47

Just say sorry. Simple and to the point, she will be happy for you to make the first step. Just don't try to blame your behaviour on anyone/thing else.

roweeena · 21/01/2014 21:48

Go downstairs with a bottle of wine, massive box of chocolates, huge bouquet of flowers & tell her your a complete idiot & that your sorry.

She might tell you to f**k off but its the only option you have really

FetchezLaVache · 21/01/2014 21:48

Get down there, apologise profusely, take presents for the kids. If she's a friend worth having she will forgive you, though it will probably take a while to put it behind her.

Sorry to hear your marriage went to shit so quickly. Even I managed a year or so... Want to tell us about that?

Cranky01 · 21/01/2014 21:48

How were your unreasonable though, what was it you did. It reasonable to not want children at your wedding. So surely she just turned your invite down.

QuintessentialShadows · 21/01/2014 21:48

If it is that you have realized you need her after all, dont go down there with wine, chocolate and tales of WOE straight away...

Only1scoop · 21/01/2014 21:49

Unhappy marriage after 3 months....
Hmm

Jinsei · 21/01/2014 21:50

Well, we don't know the details of exactly what happened, but I'd have thought that an apology and an acknowledgement that you were in the wrong might be a good place to start.

Pop downstairs, take her some flowers or a bottle of wine as a peace offering and tell her you're sorry.

Why is your marriage unhappy so soon after the wedding? Are you ok?

nilbyname · 21/01/2014 21:50

So, having a no kids wedding is ok, but only if its a blanket rule and only if you accept that means people will have to decline the wedding invitation.

What happened?

Vinomcstephens · 21/01/2014 21:51

Well a bit more info is needed - was it a child free wedding all all along, and your friend decided to bring her children regardless, or did you decide at the last minute to not allow the children to come?

If it's the former, I don't see how you're in the wrong, but if it's the latter then I echo the above posters - get your ass down to the flat and apologise - if she's your best friend then she'll forgive you Smile

ENormaSnob · 21/01/2014 21:52

Tell us more about the wedding and bridezilla behaviour?

anothernumberone · 21/01/2014 21:53

Weddings can be very stressful no doubt.

I have often wondered have many of the childfree brigade regretted their decisions when they had their own kids. I know a friend recently had an apology from the bride who historically could not see why she would not put her baby on formula for her wedding and leave her at home, but that is probably rare. Personally I don't think saying you don't want kids there was really wrong except babes in arms so it depends how bridezilla you got. In saying that you being right won't sort things. Maybe ask her if you can get past it and an apology might work.

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici · 21/01/2014 21:56

Im sorry that your marriage is unhappy.

re your friend, all you can do is apologise. Tell her what youve said here. That you went a bit nuts.

hopefully she will forgive you.

probably of more urgent importance is your marriage. Has it only gone wrong since the wedding or were you hoping marriage would mend an ailing relationship? Do you thinkmit can be mended?

MsAspreyDiamonds · 21/01/2014 21:56

Just bare in mind that she may think the only reason that you want to make contact is because you are unhappy & need cheering up. She may not welcome the fact that you haven't considered her feelings and the that it is all about you again just like before. It is hard for any parent to hear that their kids aren't wanted at a social event but it should be done with sensitivity. Just be aware that it might take more than a bottle of wine and also respect her wishes if she doesnt want to resurrect the friendship.

PacificDogwood · 21/01/2014 21:58

Apologise.

It's then up to her to accept the apology or not.

Are you regretting how you behaved towards her or are you in need of support?

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 21/01/2014 21:59

Go downstairs. Knock on door. Beg forgiveness. Say that wedding craziness got the better of you and you're sorry.

stickysausages · 21/01/2014 22:00

Apologise, hope she'll come round. Just be aware it might not go back to the way it was, if at all.

Thanks though OP. We all make mistakes, but we don't all deserve to be miserable.

LoopyLobster · 21/01/2014 22:03

Big apology should work

Jinsei · 21/01/2014 22:07

I think you should apologise but agree with those who say you shouldn't just do it because you're unhappy and suddenly need her again.

DoJo · 21/01/2014 22:51

Adding my voice to the sensible lot suggesting that you apologise! There's nothing more you can do really, but I also agree that you shouldn't even consider it if you just want a shoulder to cry on about your unhappy marriage. You need to want her back as a friend regardless of whether she wants to hear about your woes immediately, not just because she would be a convenient sounding board for your current situation.

Original poster
PinkSnowAndStars · 21/01/2014 23:09

I've missed her the whole time. I missed her on the day. She was due to be maid of honour then wanted to bring her 2 kids aged 7months and 2 years with only 2 weeks notice. I said I didn't want her at the top table if she was having her kids up there with her.

That was it, end of friendship.

Her eldest and my ds are the same age.

OP posts:
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