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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have had a word with the mother.

23 replies

FortyDoorsToNowhere · 21/01/2014 20:49

Her son has been hitting and pushing my daughter in school, which I am happy how the school are handling the situation.

However the last few week weeks it is happening before school, the mother just stands there and does nothing. So I said I am not happy that your son keeps hitting and pushing my daughter over and could she please try and do something to stop it.

She then reported me to the head teacher.

Was I in the wrong to have had a word with her or should I have just let the school continue to handle the situation.

The both children are 4, so I know it takes time for them to develop social skills.

OP posts:
YourMotherChucksRocksInHull · 21/01/2014 20:51

Nope, I think it's fine if you were right there and saw it with your own eyes and school hadn't even started yet.

youarewinning · 21/01/2014 20:52

She reported you to the head because you asked her to stop her son from hurting your DD?

Maybe if she patented instead of complaining about the fact she should parent he wouldn't be hitting other children.

My DS has SN so would hit out - would be removed though as his pore social skills aren't anyone else's problem and it's not Ok - full stop.

HarrietSchulenberg · 21/01/2014 20:52

Agree, I think you were right to say something as it was before school and therefore both children were still the responsibility of their parents.

formerbabe · 21/01/2014 20:52

YANBU...why would she not tell her daughter to stop it?!

stealthsquiggle · 21/01/2014 20:53

So you weren't having a word about stuff going on in school, but what was happening right there where you could both see it?

No, YANBU at all, and I would hope that the head told her so.

Floggingmolly · 21/01/2014 20:54

What was the basis of her complaint? Confused. Did you not tell your side of the story when you were informed of this? Unless she lied; I can't believe they took her seriously...

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/01/2014 20:55

How did you say it?

smearedinfood · 21/01/2014 20:55

If it were me I'd probably be telling the child off. But it's probably better it was you.

Theknacktoflying · 21/01/2014 20:55

I think it has more to do with the manner rather than the action itself.

Bogeyface · 21/01/2014 20:57

How do you know she has reported you? What have the school said?

And WTF was she doing reporting you anyway?! Did she think that the head would keep you in at playtime? Never ceases to amaze me the number of parents who would rather complain to someone who can do nothing about their issue, than actually tackle it themselves, in this case stopping her son from being violent.

anothernumberone · 21/01/2014 20:58

I cannot see an issue with what you did. what did the head say?

Original poster
FortyDoorsToNowhere · 21/01/2014 21:00

I really don't know.

My eldest son has ASD and he can be prone to outburst of hitting, so he is always near me.

OP posts:
Original poster
FortyDoorsToNowhere · 21/01/2014 21:01

The head teacher called me into her office before pick up time and said if I had any issues just call into the school at any time.

OP posts:
youarewinning · 21/01/2014 21:17

Sounds like the HT thinks this parent is a loon Grin

Tryharder · 21/01/2014 21:19

Hmm depends. Did you actually see the hitting or was it your DC's say-so?

I ask because last year a child in my Ds's class repeatedly accused my DS of hitting and bullying him.

My son denied it.

Both DH and I were accosted in the playground several times by angry parents. We reported it to head teacher who looked into it and came to the conclusion that the other boy had made up the allegations and my DS had done nothing wrong. So we had been unfairly accused and in full view of other parents who don't know that my DS's name had been subsequently cleared!

While your situation might be different, YWBU to approach the parents in the playground in full view and hearing of other parents.

Sparkletshirt · 21/01/2014 21:20

YANBU, there was a Mum watching her kid thump everyone at soft play but she dropped herself right in it when her friend showed up and he thumped her kid. She immediately apologised so obnoxious people like this know they should be parenting.

BrickorCleat · 21/01/2014 21:21

You can use the hitting child as a real life example to your own child of how not to behave.

Pity the poor woman. She'll be posting here soon enough about the lack of birthday invites for wee Rambo.

Original poster
FortyDoorsToNowhere · 21/01/2014 21:26

I saw it with my own eyes.

OP posts:
BillyNotQuiteNoMates · 21/01/2014 21:27

tryharder why was OP BU to approach the parents in the playground in full view and hearing of other parents. That's where the incident took place! What do you think she should have done, booked an appointment to discuss it??
OP YANBU and I would have done the same. I have a way of handling scenarios like this, I tell the parents and let them deal with it, they either do - in which case, great! or they don't, in which case I do!

Original poster
FortyDoorsToNowhere · 21/01/2014 22:01

I didn't shout or make a scene, after all the children are only 4.

The mother dropped her son off with not even a sorry for her son behaviour. ( sorry I'm drip feeding now)

OP posts:
MyDarlingClementine · 21/01/2014 22:05

you were def right to say something its not on, its awful when parents stand by and watch their dc hitting others....not on.

AwfulMaureen · 21/01/2014 22:07

Were you aggressive?

Original poster
FortyDoorsToNowhere · 22/01/2014 14:18

I don't think I was. I didn't raise my voice or use swear words.

OP posts:
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