To just leave my 14 month old to cry at night? (Long)

[StuntNun]

I have three DCs: DC1 has ADHD and autism; DC2 is struggling at school and is suspected to have dyslexia; DC3 is 14 months and is still waking me up to six or seven times a night, usually resettled with a bit of reassurance or occasionally a cuddle.. DH leaves for work early (7 a.m.) and also travels abroad for business twice a month.

After struggling with broken sleep for over a year I am now at breaking point. I'm so depressed and anxious that I want to run away from it all. I feel like I'm doing everything badly, that my children aren't being well looked after, the house is a mess, I'm afraid to open the post in case it's something I have to deal with. I really think it all comes back to sleep, if I could get a better quality of sleep then I would be able to manage everything else. After all I used to before DC3 was born.

DC3 has always been a bad sleeper. The first six months I said it's because he's so young, it will get better. Then at six months he was diagnosed with silent reflux. With treatment and time that has resolved and I started telling myself he would sleep when he was older. Well he's getting older and I still consider being woken twice a 'good night'. I have tried all sorts of things with him over time: co-sleeping, controlled crying, pick up-put down, rocking to sleep, shush-pat, gradual retreat. The methods that worked with my older two DCs are not being effective.

So now I'm at the last resort of cry it out. I don't want to do it. I don't even know if I can do it. But I'm so miserable and tired all the time and I'm wondering if it would be worth a try.

So have you tried cry it out? Did it work? Was it horribly stressful? Are you adamantly opposed to cry it out? Am I a bad mother for even contemplating it? Basically AIBU to leave him to cry at night in the hope that me getting more sleep will benefit the whole family?

Goodness you sound exhausted x

You need support and sleep can you sh not help? Talk to your hv as well x

Dh not sh!

I don't like leaving babies to cry indefinitely, but I have used controlled crying (i.e. go back in every few mins), and am currently trying to sleep-train DD2 (15mo). I can sympathise, sleep deprivation makes everything worse, and it sounds like you've got a lot on your plate anyway. And you're not a bad mother at all, you're just at the end of your tether, sleep-wise, and looking for a solution.

What's your bedtime routine for DC3? I find that once babies learn to self-settle at bedtime it helps with nighttime wake ups. DD2 has always been fed or cuddled to sleep, but now we're trying to put her down awake, she's waking up less in the night.

Can you talk to your HV for ideas? 6 or 7 wakings a night at 14 months isn't funny. Poor you have a cup of

I have a 14 month old and we had an awful phase of him waking a lot when we switched from formula to cows milk - we think because he was hungry in the night; out of desperation we started giving him ready brek at 7:45 before he went to bed at 8, this seems to have done the trick and he no longer wakes up in the night so that might be worth a try. I cant really comment on cio as we've never tried it. I hope you find a solution soon - it's crap being exhausted! X

Could you go to your HV and asked to be referred to a sleep clinic?

I wouldn't speak to the hv they can be unpredictable. Instead post anywhere but Aibu because you are not. I think the wisdom and support of the non Aibu people will be able to see you through

My HV has given me a couple of leaflets on sleep training but to be honest I think I know more about it than she does. DC1 was a poor sleeper (still is for that matter but that's partly due to special needs and medication). DC2 was an appalling sleeper and didn't reliably sleep through the night until five years, but DC3 is definitely the worst sleeper of the lot. DH and I are well aware of the importance of a bedtime routine, dark room, no screens for an hour before bedtime, etc. We used controlled crying and rapid return successfully with the older DCs but DC3 isn't able to settle himself and even with controlled crying I'm still going in multiple times a night to give reassurance.

Do it. You should see results within a few days (if not, rethink!). He'll be absolutely fine and from the sound of it, you desperately need things to change. Good luck!

It was the sleep clinic rather than the hv I thought might be able to help