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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think my toddler shouldn't be picked on at play group by a group of mums.

69 replies

Charotte31 · 21/01/2014 13:43

My 2 1/2 year old was playing in a car driving it around the part of the hall which is meant for this. A baby was crawling around that part of the room when my DD bumped into her. I was watching and she didn't mean to, she wouldn't it's not like her. The baby didn't cry. The mum come over and picked him up, which I would have done. I was coming over to see if he was ok but Then sat back down with 2 other mums and started pointing at my child and giving her evil looks. She's 2 for god sake!! I went over and asked what her problem was? We ended up having a real to do, not like me at these sort of places!
AIBU to want my child to be able to play, have an accident and not get bitched about by grown woman?!

OP posts:

Alifelivedforwards · 21/01/2014 15:00

Do mums really go at each other at soft play? I thought it was an urban myth...

Chivetalking · 21/01/2014 15:03

I think both of you should have been watching what your kids were up to but.......having a massive to do at a toddler group?!

Deary me.

pianodoodle · 21/01/2014 15:24

I've never seen a single interaction go well where the conversation was opened by someone being asked what their problem was

spritesoright · 21/01/2014 15:35

I don't think it matters whether your DD did it intentionally or not. A baby was injured and I'm surprised you didn't go over and apologise immediately and get your DD to do the same.
Not her fault but next time she might watch where she's going. I'm not excusing the other mother's behaviour either.

needaholidaynow · 21/01/2014 15:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OxfordBags · 21/01/2014 15:48

Your DD probably didn't see the other mothers pointing at her,but I bet she saw you acting aggressively and 'having a to-do'. That will have been far more horrible for her than not knowing that two adults might be casting aspersion on her. A crappy example and potentially distressing for not just her, but all the other little ones there. Really ill-thought out behaviour.

You made the situation far worse than you needed to. You watched your daughter hurt a smaller child accidentally and then were annoyed that the mother was displeased?! If you had apologised on her behalf, or got her to apologise (depending on her language skills or likeliness to talk to an unfamiliar adult), I bet the other mum would have had no issue, and you would also have taught your daughter an easy lesson about manners and thoughtfulness.

Pawprint · 21/01/2014 15:59

I think you were unreasonable in arguing with the other mother.

When my ds was a toddler, a slightly older child deliberately ran over him in a wooden go kart. I wasn't very cross with the other child, but I was furious because they mother saw it and did nothing.

Wallison · 21/01/2014 16:03

I agree that you should have apologised, and ideally got your daughter to apologise too. Not because she was in the wrong (obviously it was an accident) but because it's one of those situations where it smooths things over if you say sorry, and that's a good lesson to learn. Asking someone what their problem is is rude and confrontational - did you really think it would defuse the situation? Getting into a ruck at a toddler group is unseemly and undignified.

kali110 · 21/01/2014 16:14

Yabu. You sound really agressive just in your post so you got what you deserved. Starting a row in front of the little ones is terrible.

BeCool · 21/01/2014 16:21

I agree that asking someone what their problem is aggressive - but it is also defensive too! Neither the toddler or the baby did anything 'wrong' - they were just being a toddler and baby.

Going over and starting a non-defensive conversation about what happened is much more likely to result in a sensible conversation and possible prevent the next baby getting run over - "Is she OK? Do you think we need to talk to the organizers to make out the car riding area better to stop the babies crawling into the space?" or something sensible.

ikeaismylocal · 21/01/2014 16:37

Yabu. For all you know the woman could have been sitting pointing at the ride on and say "it's ridiculous, that area where kids play on ride ons is not properly fenced of so the babies can just crawl in there"

You should watch and supervise your child if they don't have the ability to avoid other small children. My ds is obsessed with push along toys, I spend alot of time at playgroups following him around, if he ever hit anyone especially a smaller child I'd feel terrible and apologise profusely.

Balaboosta · 21/01/2014 16:43

YABU. Just that.

Balaboosta · 21/01/2014 16:45

Oh and your thread title is misleading. A group of mums did not "pick on" your daughter. You "picked on" the mother of a child your DD had just mown down. Think about it.

diddl · 21/01/2014 16:46

You really asked her what her problem was?

Blimey, that would get my back up.

You couldn't ask after the baby, tell your daughter to be more careful & comment on how silly it is that babies can get into that area & crawl around?

Were both going so fast that a collision was unavoidable?

YouStayClassySanDiego · 21/01/2014 17:09

Going over to the other Mum wasn't the best course of action was it?

What sort of to-do , was there swearing, eye balling over the duplo and brio and or passive aggressive insults smiled towards each other?

NewtRipley · 21/01/2014 17:13

Did you apologise to the other mum and make sure her baby was OK?

Of course it wasn't your DD's fault, and of course other parents should understand that, but a bit of smoothing over wouldn't go amiss

Joolsy · 21/01/2014 17:13

Yes, she's only 2 but I've seen many 2 y/olds behaving aggressively. There was a story recently about a 2 y/o who beat a 3 y/o black & blue and terrorised her over a period of time, so age doesn't really come into it.

NewtRipley · 21/01/2014 17:15

Also, unless she touched your DD or shouted at her, she wasn't picking on her.

I am v glad to be past this stage, it's very stressful.

DrankSangriaInThePark · 21/01/2014 17:16

So, this woman and her mates who were picking on your daughter, actually, erm, weren't, were they?

Tell you what though. Next time you go, they really are going to be pointing at you and inching slowly away, in case you get all gobby again.

Did it cross your mind, at any stage in the proceedings, to smile ruefully and say "oops, sorry about that, dd is only little, sure she didn't mean to run your baby over! I'll keep a closer eye on her next time!"

Because that, of course, is what you should have done.

TheWitTank · 21/01/2014 17:27

What was her reaction when you spoke with her? I think you totally over reacted. So what if they were giving your DD "evils"? She is 2, she won't have a clue. If they want to be that ridiculous, let them get on with it. They could have been pointing out how unsuitable the ride on area was, or discussing something completely different. To have a "to do" in front of your children will have been far more emotionally destructive than a few supposed evil eyes that I doubt your DD even noticed or understood. I bloody detest soft play/toddler groups and this is why! Far too many over emotional/aggressive/mummy lion parents ready to kick off at nothing's.

coco44 · 21/01/2014 17:37

perhps they were discussing how the hallo could be better laid out to avoid future bumps.
Honestly you sound like a psycho! and I am not sure how your DC was 'picked on'?

kali110 · 21/01/2014 18:52

Plus you didnt say sorry did you?you got up to go over and then sat back down. Maybe she was pointing at you and commenting that it would have been nice if you had asked if her child was alright.

spritesoright · 22/01/2014 14:26

need a holiday my 2 year old is perfectly capable of saying sorry or giving a hug. She may not fully understand the implications but it's never too early to practice good manners.

LongRoadToRuin · 22/01/2014 14:38

I was with you until you and totally on your side until you went over and asked the other mum what her problem was. This is not isolated, these sort of mums are everywhere. I hate that accusatory, over-protective sort of mum but they are in every play centre, play group and moms n toddlers I ever went to. If you were annoyed enough to say something then you could have made your point in a friendly way.

BeCool · 22/01/2014 14:54

OP has legged it.

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