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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to wish neighbours would shut up

23 replies

allyoops · 21/01/2014 00:56

My neighbours came home 12.45am last night banging all their doors, stomping up stairs etc and woke us and our baby.

This happens three times a week plus lately. I an so tired with the baby because she is teething and I just started back at work... It takes hours to get her back to sleep so I shouted shut up you woke my baby. I couldn't take anymore - they wake her between 11 and 1am three times a week. They wake her in the day a lot too (shouting, abusive language, door slamming, electric saws, moving their car in front of our house to vacuum it for some reason etc) I let the daytime stuff go even though it wakes her and makes my life he'll hut this late night noise is too much.

Today the neighbour blanked me with hostility and ran back inside. I feel bad for shouting but they are making my life a misery for this and many other reasons

Was I wrong to shout when I was so frustrated and tired? The dirty look she gave me made me feel in the wrong.

They're very unapproachable and passive aggressive and I fear they have madee the same way

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Original poster

allyoops · 21/01/2014 00:57

Made a few tired and stressed typos - sorry :(

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HeartShapedBox · 21/01/2014 01:00

I would have went to the door ages ago.

I think a face to face works better than shouting through walls/ the ceiling... depends on you and your neighbours though, are you a bit scared of them?

Original poster

allyoops · 21/01/2014 01:05

They are very unapproachable. They used to be nice but changed after we had the baby. We have always been walkovers with everything they do and I don't want to be anymore.

Next time I know I should speak calmly rather than shouting though. I was just so upset and have pnd. :(

They make it worse

I was so ashamed today for 2 secs shouting back bit I have just had enough of their selfishness and bullying

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Original poster

allyoops · 21/01/2014 01:06

Cool name btw heartshapedbox! Thank you

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HeartShapedBox · 21/01/2014 01:11

by approachable, do you mean they may be violent towards you?

if that's the case, skip trying to sort it amicably and go straight to antisocial behavior team.

don't let them ruin your time with your baby, or make you hate your own home.

I've had dickhead neighbours, it took a few years, but they've been moved elsewhere and we're still here. just persevere

HeartShapedBox · 21/01/2014 01:12

oh, thanks

Kurt geek, I am

HeartShapedBox · 21/01/2014 01:14

UNAPPROACHABLE, of course!

thedogwakesuptoodamnearly · 21/01/2014 05:58

You say that they changed after you had the baby. They might be being petty and making noise because the baby crying disturbs rhem. (I'm not saying they are right to do this....)

Is it just one person, or do they all come home late?

Longdistance · 21/01/2014 06:11

My neighbours used to be noisy. Shouting, banging, stomping on stairs, music, movement through the night. I got fed up, as I was working shifts, so I put my banging stereo on really loud, pumped out some dance tunes, and left the house to work. They were in bed, after a night of fuckwittery from them Didn't hear much noise after that.

This was my previous house, I now live in a detached, and it's fab as I don't have close neighbours.

Southeastdweller · 21/01/2014 06:21

I sympathise. I recently left my old digs because of trash neighbours like yours. I was sick of living on a knife-edge and felt much happier since moving. Anti-social neighbours can play havoc with your mental health and even someone as placid as me ended up shouting to them calling them names I've never called anyone before in my life.

You both need to bite the bullet and go round and speak to them or at least send a note. Start logging all they do and how this affects you all. I have to say that my council were rubbish but hopefully yours are better. Is it realistic you could move?

AbbeyBartlet · 21/01/2014 07:21

Perhaps they are being PA because they can hear the baby? I have known that to happen.

Original poster

allyoops · 21/01/2014 07:25

Not violent. Just VERY defensive hostile and unreasonable.

Our baby hardly cries ... She did for the first two weeks and since then it's only when they wake her which is a lot lately

I dont know who it is. I wonder if their 16 year old has started drinking out.

The husband woke us at 515am today. The wife and husband make a row in the day and evening. With no voices I don't know who is doing it really late.

The kid shouts the most especially when they're out - sounds like he's smashing the house up.

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YouTheCat · 21/01/2014 07:35

They could be having all kinds of problems with their teen and feel as stressed out as you do.

Try and talk to them. Maybe if you phrase it like 'please can you keep the noise down after 11 so the baby doesn't wake up and disturb us and you'? or something. Make it sound like you are concerned about disturbing them too.

Simsim1 · 21/01/2014 07:58

Hope things get better. I recommend the Marpac Sleepmate sound machine. You can get it on ebay. Really helps to block out noise when trying to get baby to sleep. Good luck.

Original poster

allyoops · 21/01/2014 07:58

The husband slammed all the doors leaving at 515am.

He did loud DIY from 8am to 10pm for a month when the baby was three weeks old. They'd been putting it off for two years, it wasn't urgent

He loudly moans about us parking in front of our house because he wants to park there. At 5am shouting in the street. He has a drive! They passive aggressively block us in and get really get defensive when we politely request they let is out. We only dared ask twice!

He once came home when I was in garden with baby and when I said yes he started sawing

They have a pine tree that sheds needles all over pur garden and he swept needles from their side under our gate two weeks ago. Half a bin full!!!

By he I mean the husband

I think it's more than being stressed with the teen

I know I need to approach them but I don't know why

All this has made my pnd so bad and I haven't slept well for days. Facing working and caring for tired grumpy baby today fills me with dread (I work from home).

I think I'm pathetic so I understand if you all do too. I am just so tired and down and the thought of approaching them gives me palpitations

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Original poster

allyoops · 21/01/2014 07:59

Thanks simsim I'll look into it

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Original poster

allyoops · 21/01/2014 08:11

Thanks simsim I'll look into it

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Original poster

allyoops · 21/01/2014 08:16

The husband slammed all the doors leaving at 515am.

He did loud DIY from 8am to 10pm for a month when the baby was three weeks old. They'd been putting it off for two years, it wasn't urgent

He once came home when I was in garden with baby and when I said yes he started sawing

They have a pine tree that sheds needles all over pur garden and he swept needles from their side under our gate two weeks ago. Half a bin full!!!

By he I mean the husband

I think it's more than being stressed with the teen

I know I need to approach them but I don't know why

All this has made my pnd so bad and I haven't slept well for days. Facing working and caring for tired grumpy baby today fills me with dread (I work from home).

I think I'm pathetic so I understand if you all do too. I am just so tired and down and the thought of approaching them gives me palpitations

OP posts:

Original poster

allyoops · 21/01/2014 08:16

The husband slammed all the doors leaving at 515am.

He did loud DIY from 8am to 10pm for a month when the baby was three weeks old. They'd been putting it off for two years, it wasn't urgent

He once came home when I was in garden with baby and when I said yes he started sawing

They have a pine tree that sheds needles all over pur garden and he swept needles from their side under our gate two weeks ago. Half a bin full!!!

By he I mean the husband

I think it's more than being stressed with the teen

I know I need to approach them but I don't know why

All this has made my pnd so bad and I haven't slept well for days. Facing working and caring for tired grumpy baby today fills me with dread (I work from home).

I think I'm pathetic so I understand if you all do too. I am just so tired and down and the thought of approaching them gives me palpitations

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Original poster

allyoops · 21/01/2014 08:41

I have no idea why my posts keeps reposting I'm sorry :( so tired

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jazzandh · 21/01/2014 08:54

So hard for you, a very stressful situation.......

Whatever the outcome with your neighbours I would echo a PP idea of fans/ sound machines etc in all your bedrooms at night - will help to minimise sudden noises and the baby will perhaps sleep through without being made to jump and wake...

Ours sleep through thunder, fireworks, (parents) parties with these....

Millionprammiles · 21/01/2014 09:21

Big hugs, we've had noisy neighbours when dd was very young and it was tough. A few suggestions:

do speak to them, be specific about what is waking your baby up.

if their response isn't helpful record the conversation in writing and send then a letter. Also, start keeping a log of times and the kind of noise they're making.

contact your Council's noise dept team. They will want details (thats where the log comes in handy). NB most Council websites indicate that building works/DIY outside normal working hours isn't acceptable so if they're not interested in banging doors they should be interested in the late DIY.

use white noise for your baby, my dd (now a toddler) is still a light sleeper, we keep white noise on the iPod on all night, it really helps (you need to put it on fairly loud, suggest keep under the cot so the light doesn't disturbe baby).

It can be awful I know, I remember screaming like a banshee at a neighbour who started drilling an external wall at 7pm. You're tired, it's understandable to be stressed. The best thing about going back to work was not having to try to get dd to nap during the day, the nursery is much quieter!

Original poster

allyoops · 21/01/2014 15:20

Thanks for your kind words and advice. I will definitely get some white noise.

I've kept a diary and photos etc from the start. I had violent asbo neighbours at the last house so I was cautious about things just on case.

When I think about it they have always been loud and selfish but I was so grateful they weren't as bad as the last neighbours I was thankful in comparison. Once the baby came along I couldn't ignore it anymore. So rather than it getting worse it just seems worse I think if that makes sense!

I kept being a walkover because I didn't want another dispute but I can't take anymore and they just keep getting worse

I will try to approach them and if that fails I'll speak to their landlady

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