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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell my friend her daughter has taken drugs?

83 replies

teenmum3 · 20/01/2014 13:30

A friends DD has told my DD she took a drug called Molly at the weekend. I have not heard of this drug before apparently it was taken in powder form wrapped in paper and swallowed.
I don't want to betray my DDs trust but equally I would not forgive myself if something happened to my friends DD.
What should I do?

OP posts:
Custardo · 20/01/2014 13:59

would you want your friend to tell you?

that's the measure I would go by

Original poster
teenmum3 · 20/01/2014 14:00

My DD tells my everything even things I don't want to know. I don't want that to end.
Last month she told me that the same friend had had sex, I asked my friend if her DD was on the pill and ended up having to tell her that her DD had had sex. I was worried as she seems to have got in with the wrong crowd.
My friend told me not to tell her again if something like that happens. When we were chatting the other day, I said I needed to talk to her about something when I finished she said phew I thought you were going to tell me DD had done drugs. I said why would you think that so she said because her DD talks about it all the time. I asked her if she looked ok when she came home on Saturday and she said yes but this is when she was supposed to have taken it. Maybe my friends DD lied to my DD to look big.

OP posts:
LiberalLibertine · 20/01/2014 14:11

She said she didn't want you to tell her if anything happened again? How strange.

staticdust · 20/01/2014 14:32

Yes you need to tell your friend, Mandy bomb as it is called is a very dangerous drug TALK TO FRANK it is a drug which can lead to chronic kidney disease, as one one of the DS's friends found out two years ago and he is still battling a debilitating condition, please tell your friend.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 20/01/2014 14:35

My friend told me not to tell her again if something like that happens

Seriously??? What kind of mother says this??

Original poster
teenmum3 · 20/01/2014 14:40

I know, I dont understand it either. I would want to know everything my DD does so I could help her. I hate being in this situation.

OP posts:
SaucyJack · 20/01/2014 14:44

Why did you "need" to tell her a 16 year old had had sex? Hmm

It's none of yours or her mother's damn business once she's over the age of consent.

Personally, I take a similar view over the odd dab of MDMA meself as well, tho I appreciate I'm in the minority on that one.

NigellasDealer · 20/01/2014 14:47

to be honest saucyjack i agree with you, I know of a girl, a friend of my daughters who is probably having sex and probably doing mdma, certainly she is smoking a lot of weed, but do you know what i do not think her mum would thank me for blabbing to her about it? not one bit.

Gileswithachainsaw · 20/01/2014 14:49

I guess in case the mum didn't know she had a boyfriend? Ergo hadn't had "the chat" with her or helped provide condoms or just make sure she wasn't being pressured into sex. So what if she's 16 doesn't mean she's ready Hmm

It's a big step, id hope my dd could come to me, but if not I'd appreciate someone looking out for her.

MammaTJ · 20/01/2014 14:52

She has told you basically she does not want to know. I don't know how you could tell her in those circumstances but as a friend and someone concerned for her DD, I also don't know how you could not tell her.

What a dilemma.

StormEEweather · 20/01/2014 15:00

How is your relationship with the girl? Could you have a motherly chat with her? Her mother sounds a bit odd, not wanting to know, and the fact that the DD has been dropping hints to her mum says she wants help, or attention. I had a mum who preferred not to know anything unpleasant, actually stopped us mid telling her things. When I was sexually assaulted at 17 I didnt tell her. But my best friend's mum and a teacher at school were really supportive.

Original poster
teenmum3 · 20/01/2014 15:20

I just told my friend. She was thankful I told her. I am not a busybody. The girl in question is like my own daughter I have known her, her whole life.
When I told my friend about her DD having sex she was upset but then the boy then dumped her DD a week later so at least my friend knew why her DD was so upset.
The drug she took is so dangerous it could be cut with anything. People have died after taking it. My friend has given her DD all the information yet she still went and took it, apparently half the year at her school are doing this drug.
I feel so awful having to tell her this but I would feel even worse not telling her if something bad happened.

OP posts:
greenfolder · 20/01/2014 15:24

good call op.

Gileswithachainsaw · 20/01/2014 15:25

You don't need to explain yourself teen perhaps if her mum cared a bit more she wouldn't feel the need to be having sex with guys who really don't care about her or taking drugs.

I think you are being very kind looking out for her. Your right she could die and if you'd have not said anything then you would always wonder if she could have been helped.

Thanks
Original poster
teenmum3 · 20/01/2014 15:28

Thank you. Her Mum does care, shes a fantastic Mum. Its just hard seeing your baby grow up overnight. I feel her pain, I really do. It so hard having children in this day and age. There are so many dangers, even the brightest children do stupid things.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 20/01/2014 15:35

MDMA is less dangerous than alcohol and the chances of death from taking it are very low. I would strongly recommend people do some basic research before stating "fact".

Gileswithachainsaw · 20/01/2014 15:38

So does the same thing go for the crap it could be cut with?

What if it's not what she gets, what if it's a penicillin tablet she's allergic to? or a dog wormer or some other stuff she has a reaction too???

NigellasDealer · 20/01/2014 16:23

MDMA is less dangerous than alcohol and the chances of death from taking it are very low
yes that is probably true of pure pharmaceutical grade mdma, if you think that is what our teens are buying and consuming, think again, and get real.

MadAsFish · 20/01/2014 16:40

My biggest problem with MDMA is its effect on neurotransmitters like dopamine and serotonin. If there are any issues at all with depression, MDMA will really exacerbate them.
I' d be extremely cautious of the after-effects. The research is unclear as to whether the damage (to the brain) is permanent or temporary.

mycupoffucksrunnethempty · 20/01/2014 16:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NigellasDealer · 20/01/2014 16:53

yes well alcohol can kill too would you be running to her mum if she was having a 'cheeky voddy'? no i thought not.

ashamedoverthinker · 20/01/2014 16:56

my instinct is your DD has told you for a reason, she recognises its wrong and maybe worried about her friend so has shared her burden hoping you will act? well IMO.

ashamedoverthinker · 20/01/2014 16:58

Duh drugs are illegal at any age, wtf her age got to do with it. I would want to know if a loved one was doing/putting theselves in harms way.

Original poster
teenmum3 · 20/01/2014 17:14

MDMA is less dangerous than alcohol and the chances of death from taking it are very low.

Alcohol wont kill you the first time you have it. Cut MDMA might.

Also wait until you have a child I dont think you would be so happy to spout that rubbish if your child was taking drugs.

All drugs are dangerous that is why they are illegal.

OP posts:
greenfolder · 20/01/2014 17:14

I do think its wrong to tell her mum about her having sex and understand her mums reaction tbh. If my teenage daughters want to tell me about their sex lives then I would listen, possibly even witout going la la la in my head. If someone else wanted to tell me I would tell them I am not interested unless it was an inappropriate relationship eg dating a 40 year old. That is their private life.