To tell my friend her daughter has taken drugs?

[teenmum3]

A friends DD has told my DD she took a drug called Molly at the weekend. I have not heard of this drug before apparently it was taken in powder form wrapped in paper and swallowed.
I don't want to betray my DDs trust but equally I would not forgive myself if something happened to my friends DD.
What should I do?

[greenfolder]

I do think its wrong to tell her mum about her having sex and understand her mums reaction tbh. If my teenage daughters want to tell me about their sex lives then I would listen, possibly even witout going la la la in my head. If someone else wanted to tell me I would tell them I am not interested unless it was an inappropriate relationship eg dating a 40 year old. That is their private life.

[PleaseJustLeaveYourBrotherAlon]

Sex (at her age) and drugs are two different things. You were right to tell her mum about the drugs..definitely not your place about the sex.

[CoteDAzur]

I understand why you told your friend (and I would have done the same) but I have to say that there is some shocking ignorance misinformation on this thread, told as fact by people with zero RL understanding of MDMA or any other stimulant drug.

There have been a handful of deaths attributed to MDMA pills, since it came about in 1980s, which is nothing when you realise that there are about 517,000 habitual users in the UK (2010 figures). To put things into perspective, aspirin causes hundreds of deaths each year. Clearly, MDMA and whatever it is cut with is rather impotent as far as "dangerous" substances go.

Sure, all white powder can be cut with something else, but manufacturers and dealers of such stuff are not in the business of killing people. They want to make money. And as in all business, that is best done with happy customers who don't die because they have consumed your product.

I had to laugh at "cut with cement". Seriously? What, because so many have recently died horrible agonising deaths because of a batch of MDMA cut with cement, of all things? Because you think it is so hard to find flour, baby powder, or a hundred other cheap and inoffensive substances that they would add cement to a pill?

And re your asking your friend if her DD looked OK when she came home that night: It's perfectly normal that she thought her DD looked fine. She wasn't drowsy or drunk. She was perhaps a bit too alert and a bit too happy but would appear fine.

Tell your friend to look out for huge (dilated) pupils, even in a well-lit room.

[teenmum3]

I only asked my friend if she was on the pill, she guessed the rest as she knew her DD was seeing an older guy, who promptly dumped her straight after. Having spoken to my friend today she said she was glad she knew as it helped her as she had an inconsolable DD for the last few weeks.

It just so happens that these two things have happened in the last couple of weeks. I would want to know if my DD was doing drugs and having sex. I also wouldn't care who told me I only want my DD and my friends DD to be safe and happy.

[VampyreofTimeandMemory]

i would want to know if it was my dc but if she wants to take drugs, she'll probably take them regardless of what her mum says.

[shadylane]

I never took MDMA as a teen but all my friends did and now all of them have stopped as they got on with life and all of them have high paid jobs and none of them died. Drugs can be dangerous but they are part of life, part of growing up and experiencing new things. You can't control a young adult. Dealers don't want to kill their clients and drugs can be safer than alcohol if taken the right way- dabs of MDMA are really a lot safer than cheap bottles
Of cider or vodka. In my experience the most healthy, interesting people I know are those that are
Open to experiences and are not obsessively anti things like this. That depends on the individual of course, but doing the whole 'drugs are evil' thing probably will have the opposite effect.

[Caitlin17]

You are a busy body re the girl having had sex. That had nothing to do with you.

[ChoudeBruxelles]

Mcat and MDMA are different drugs btw. MDMA is what is usually in escasty.

[Nerfmother]

I think I would be more inclined to tell the school tbh. You don't really know how the friend will react and she may not have all the skills she needs to deal with it. Certainly , my mums ability to assist was somewhat lacking and just drive us further apart over certain issues when I was younger.

[NigellasDealer]

'tell the school' - and have social services banging on the mum's door?
great.

[Gileswithachainsaw]

What can school do? It's not their job they aren't her mother.

[NigellasDealer]

yes well the way that schools act in league with SS these days IME it would be a disaster for the mother.

[prettywhiteguitar]

Depending on the form of MDMA you can have varying effects , I felt the most out of control on it compared to other stuff and I could not stop weeing, this suggested to me that it had been cut with ketamine.

There are many different reasons for 16 year old girls not to do drugs that many 20-? Year olds think are totally acceptable. Health, vulnerability, impact on school, mental health...

I took pills and went a lovely shade of grey/yellow for the morning, imagine what my liver was thinking !

Drugs are lovely(otherwise we wouldn't do them) but they have a lot of nasty side effects that we should be warning our lovely, precious teenagers about, not just trying to scare them with the threat of them dying, which they won't believe if they see their friends doing it

[Nerfmother]

Well I disagree Nigellas dealer, but it was just a suggestion. Social services aren't always a disaster for families.

[NigellasDealer]

round here they are, they do not offer any 'support' just condemnation and problems.

[Nerfmother]

Fair enough. Must be different depending on area. School were year when I told then dds friend was self harming, was thinking this.

[claraschu]

A close friend of my child died after taking MDMA last summer. I can't begin to describe the devastation and misery which her death left behind.

The friends who were with her when she died have had their world turned upside down, and will spend the rest of their lives thinking that they could have saved her.
I will PM you some information, and good luck with this difficult situation.

[CoteDAzur]

"Depending on the form of MDMA you can have varying effects , I felt the most out of control on it compared to other stuff and I could not stop weeing"

I dare say that what you took was not MDMA at all. You can't wee on MDMA. Urinary retention is one of its most well-known effects - i.e. you can't possibly wee, even if you want to.

[gamerchick]

No mcat is not mdma. But you take one drug and it paves the way for another high and mcat is rife.. cheap and cut with all sorts of crap.

[gamerchick]

Saying that proper mdma isn't easy to get these days.

[Letitsnow9]

I would tell your friend and tell your daughter about Leah. How she just took it once for a party and the picture the family released of in icu before she died
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/4440438.stm

[NigellasDealer]

Leah died of lack of drug education not mdma - she drank so much water her brain drowned, as I recall.

[NigellasDealer]

please correct me if i am wrong though

[specialmagiclady]

Just to clarify something up thread: drugs are not illegal because they are dangerous, they are dangerous because they are illegal. In pure forms, lots of these substances are not terribly dangerous, compared to alcohol.

[Letitsnow9]

Nigella, I went and looked, it says
"In Leah's case, excessive water consumption was exacerbated by the ecstasy causing her body to release anti-diuretic hormones, stopping a normal level of urination that could have saved her."