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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask you to tell me you de-stressing tips and tricks?

106 replies

babacoon · 20/01/2014 09:46

DH and I have a very hectic life. We have one DC (4 years) and have zero family/ friends around. So one of us has to be looking after DS and at all times, whilst the other works. this means that DH works most nights and we have little to relax together. When one is working, the other is doing house chores etc. The weekend is spent in groceries, cleaning, cooking and storing for the next week etc.

I do get some time to myself over the weekend but come Monday and I feel so tired and stressed. DH and I feel like we are always worrying about something, always rushing to get something done.

So what are your tips to de-stress and unwind your self over the weekend so that you can start afresh on Mondays?

thanks :)

OP posts:
daisystone · 22/01/2014 20:15

ssd - really sorry to hear about your Mum. Have you thought about grief counselling. Sometimes it helps to talk it through.

Taffeta - yes stroking a cat! Have not had a cat for nearly four years since mine was run over and can't get another one now as DD too young and house too small etc and on main road, but I definitely agree about it being a de-stresser. Best thing ever for relaxing.

Essential oils are good. Some lavender oil on your pillow or burn in an oil burner. You can buy loads of sprays these days as well that are supposed to promote relaxation.

I also like to listen to classical music that is soft and easy. A bit of Debussy, maybe some Vivaldi or Elgar. Even some Italian opera works for me.

TiggyOBE · 22/01/2014 20:15

This is my 5 minute de-stress:

play it loud!

baies74 · 23/01/2014 09:28

Make sure your Vitamin B and Vitamin D levels are normal by taking a blood test at the GP's. They're essential to help you withstand stress.

Take intense aerobic exercise for very short periods (2 or 3 mins) whenever you feel stressed. A skipping rope or Hula hoop is ideal, especially if you can't get out of the house. If you are exercising so intensively, you're body is working so hard it doesn't have time to fill your brain with thoughts. Quite apart from the health benefits that Michael Mosley claims this form of exercising has.

Mindless creativity: tasks that are mechanically easy (so no need for concentration) but nonetheless satisfying. Knitting and counted cross-stitch are good, as is painting by numbers or even colouring books. "Proper" creativity is not de-stressing if you suffer from perfectionism, as most creative people do.

When doing stressful tasks, try to do them in very pleasant environments if you can. For example, I always do my expenses/budget spreadsheets in a cafe with my favourite cake and leaf tea.

Do a digital detox. Go out for a walk with no mobile or even better, have a day where use of the phone and the internet is not allowed. Switch off your phone and put it away now and then. Initially you'll feel stressed at the thought of being uncontactable in an emergency; within a few weeks you'll know a genuine emergency is a very rare occurrence indeed.

Unsubscribe from Facebook, Instagram and blogs. Other people's beautifully curated but not truthful lives are not going to make you ever feel good about your own.

principalitygirl · 23/01/2014 09:31

MrsG - I empathise. I think susceptibility to stress is v individual. I'm someone who feels stress more than others for sure.
At especially stressful times in my life I've found listening to short hypnotherapy type relaxation CDs v helpful, especially at bedtime if sleeping is a problem. DH ended up listening too and despite being sceptical, was won over as he had an amazing night's sleep afterwards.
Day to day I find running, yoga, a cup of tea - herbal or other - and a bath really helpful.

Bit - you sound like a coper! You have a lot on for sure. How old are your kids? Just genuinely curious / looking for tips on how you fit in running daily as a SP working FT?! What do you do for childcare while running?

principalitygirl · 23/01/2014 09:33

MrsG - maybe limit chores at the weekend to what you can get done in 2-3 hrs then stop?! Have at least one weekend day with no chores.
Getting groceries delivered is a big help for me.

principalitygirl · 23/01/2014 09:36

Sorry, just read full thread and saw that ecuse already suggested hypnotherapy!
Oh and I meant to namecheck both MrsG and the OP babacoon in my posts...!!

baies74 · 23/01/2014 09:39

YYY to the hypnotherapy CDs. Paul McKenna does not seem to be a Mumsnet favourite but his CDs are fab. 'Instant Calm', 'Be Happy' and 'Change Your Life in 7 Days' are particularly good. Mindfulness isn't easy but anyone can listen to a CD.

Keep a notebook by your bed and at the front write anything you suddenly realise you have to remember for the next day or week. At the back, keep a a daily entry of everything that has gone well that day and everything that makes you feel grateful in your life.

principalitygirl · 23/01/2014 09:43

I defy anyone to stay stressed while listening to Gymnopedie 1 by Erik Satie - bliss!!

principalitygirl · 23/01/2014 09:45

Another beautiful relaxing classical piece is I Giorni by Ludovico Einuadi. You'd probably recognise it from BBC trailers last year. Gorgeous piano piece that's instantly calming for me.

craggyhollow · 23/01/2014 10:27

havent read the whole thread but really life shouldn't be that stressful with one dc and no job for you? Have I missed something?

craggyhollow · 23/01/2014 10:29

just to put in context

we have three dcs, three dogs, two ponies, both work (him full time own business - me school hours own business) no family, no domestic help

and I am only just beginning to feel a bit stressed out

craggyhollow · 23/01/2014 10:36

ok I see you have a job

I really don't think its normal to be this stressed especially this obsession with cooking and cleaning - you have someone to HELP you cook?? and I would surmise that there is something else you are worried about/unhappy about

money?

craggyhollow · 23/01/2014 10:38

is your ds not in nursery? are you living in the UK?

baies74 · 23/01/2014 10:43

Some of these "You shouldn't be stressed, my life is much more stressful and I cope just fine" posts are spectacularly rude and ignorant.

You know nothing of the OP's upbringing or her health, not to mention her personal relationships and work or financial situation. All have a significant effect on people's ability to withstand stress.

The OP asked for tips, not stealth boasts. Well done you for having such a bombproof psyche. Let's hope the big left hook of Fate never decides to teach you a lesson in humility.

craggyhollow · 23/01/2014 10:47

ha ha

not at all rude

I am sorry but having one child and a job should NOT be sending you into the stratosphere

if there are underlying reasons (and there must be) then she should say

craggyhollow · 23/01/2014 10:48

and ditto - you know nothing about me and my psyche

and being cheerful and having humility is what keeps me going tbh

craggyhollow · 23/01/2014 10:54

if the OP was my RL friend and she came to me with this problem

I would tell her to get ds into a nursrey
to lower her standards
to do something that makes her laugh every day
to learn to cook simple easy food and dh too
to go out once a month with her dh for the evening

baies74 · 23/01/2014 10:55

I don't need to know anything about you to know that you are ignorant (because you posted whilst admitting you didn't read the thread) and lacking in humility (because your series of posts are boasts about your own ability to withstand stress).

Keep out of the way of Fate's left hook, it has ways of teaching you the lessons you need whether you think you need them or not.

craggyhollow · 23/01/2014 10:56

ooh you don't sound like a very happy person

I am a bit sorry for you although I am sure knowing that will send you demented

thesaurusgirl · 23/01/2014 11:33

The OP asked for tips, not stealth boasts. Well done you for having such a bombproof psyche. Let's hope the big left hook of Fate never decides to teach you a lesson in humility.

.
Craggy Hollow You're the one I feel sorry for. No kindness, no empathy. No friends, too, I expect.

thesaurusgirl · 23/01/2014 11:35

If we can get the thread back on track, I like scented candles or an oil burner and some essential oils. Or a spritz of perfume. Or some posh shower gel I keep for just such occasions.

craggyhollow · 23/01/2014 11:47

ok

I am sorry if my post came across as a stealth boast

It wasn't meant to be.

sausagefortea · 23/01/2014 12:07

Thank you for this post OP (and everyone) - its exactly what I needed to read today! I feel like I'm not the only one who feels constantly on the relentless gerbil wheel of life. Some great tips.

Squeakygate · 23/01/2014 13:55

I have lowered my standards! I only iron dh's work shirts, school uniform and our bedding (it's a small pleasure in life getting into ironed bedding!)
I pay for the school age dc to have school lunches so I don't have to do a big meal at tea time for them.
I also run. The fact I get time on my own and time to exercise is great. I really enjoy it. Once every two weeks I go for a walk with my friend. It's lovely to catch up and get fresh air at the same time next week we are going for lunch though instead

HappyMummySal · 23/01/2014 17:19

I know exactly how you feel. Me and my husband work full time although my children are 7 and 11 so it is a little easier as they can entertain themselves for a while. But I do rush around at work all week and then rush around getting housework done all weekend. It drives me insane! The only way I can completely switch off and relax is to get a good book on the go. A bit of romance is always good for the feel good factor....I love nothing more than a glass of wine with a good book whilst in the bath. I guarantee you will feel so much better after half an hour of this that you will be ready to tackle anything. Try it!