AIBU to ask you to tell me you de-stressing tips and tricks?

[babacoon]

DH and I have a very hectic life. We have one DC (4 years) and have zero family/ friends around. So one of us has to be looking after DS and at all times, whilst the other works. this means that DH works most nights and we have little to relax together. When one is working, the other is doing house chores etc. The weekend is spent in groceries, cleaning, cooking and storing for the next week etc.

I do get some time to myself over the weekend but come Monday and I feel so tired and stressed. DH and I feel like we are always worrying about something, always rushing to get something done.

So what are your tips to de-stress and unwind your self over the weekend so that you can start afresh on Mondays?

thanks :)

Praise yourselves and each other, notice everything that goes right in the day, and be wise enough to realise when it's time to stop for the day, even if you haven't done everything on your 'list'. Take a few minutes at the end of the day to celebrate your achievements, instead of feeling crap because you couldn't do everything.

Go for a walk at the weekend somewhere beautiful, or if it's raining take your ds swimming or something. Do your weekly shop online except for a leisurely market trip? Cultivate some friendships with parents of children the same age so you can swop playdates and eventually sleepovers?

Lower your expectations- if the house isn't a health hazard, your child is happy, the fridge is full, bills are under control and you have clean clothes for work you are doing well enough!

Great thread......marking place! I usually do the hot bath thing to relax. I'm really looking forward to the spring, as someone else mentioned just getting outdoors is brilliant. I love my first coffee of the day in the back garden :)

yes great thread!

I'm very interested in learning more about mindfulness, can anyone explain it to me?....my brain rushed from one thing to the next, holding grudges, worrying over the future, missing the past.....and it exhausts me...any tips about mindfulness would be very welcome xx

The things that have been most helpful for us:

• Lower your standards re housework
• Weekly internet grocery delivery
• Encourage DC to play independently so you get me time whilst still with DC
• Remind yourself that soon DC will be in fulltime school (look forward to it; it'll relax you!)

ssd - mindfulness is very simple but needs practice to be effective. As briefly as i can, the idea is to quiet down the doing mind that focusses on what is happening in the future or things that have happened in the past, and brings us to a state of just being in the moment. So, whatever you are doing, however mundane, you give all your attention to doing it, see all the details you normally miss.

If your mind wanders you bring your attention back to your breath and to the moment. You don't berate yourself for your mind going off, but just note whether it is planning, worrying, fantasising, etc, let it go, and come back to the breath. You normally also have a meditation practice as part of mindfulness, but really it is something you learn to live all the time. It doesn't mean that you never think about the future or past, just that when you do so you do it with intent and awareness.

It really does work. It is even available on the nhs now as a way of dealing with stress, anxiety and depression. Any questions, do ask.

thanks for answering....so is it a sort of mind training? how do you control your mind when it wanders off all the time, I find this really hard, I've always been a very anxious person and I find just being in the moment difficult.....also how does it work with grief? I recently lost my mum and my mind is full of what happened then and since, I find it very hard to let it go and live in the now, my heart wants to be in the past but its not there now and I find the here and now difficult and lonely.

The weekend is spent in groceries, cleaning, cooking and storing for the next week etc.

It sounds like your weekends are very hectic. Can you re-evaluate the things you do, and simplify them - take less time; do them another time; do less frequently etc?

You don't say how long you spend cooking, but another approach would be to make a list of evening meals with a time allocation for each. Then make at the time, according to time available/time you want to spend on them. (Quickest meals here would be veg noodles or garlic mushrooms on toast plus side salad - both take about 10 minutes). Also useful to have in mind other meals which take longer, but aren't labour intensive, allowing you to do other things while they cook.

Could also approach cleaning in a similar way, cleaning as you go/as you use a room, using small units of time rather than hours of sustained effort (I do this with e.g. the bathroom after I've used it. Seems like very little effort if I'm already there).

As has been said, things are bound to change/get easier when your DS is at school.

I am a bit puzzled. I'm a SP. I have two kids. I work FT running my own business and I don't feel as stressed / busy / overwhelmed as you do. Not sure exactly what you're doing to make you so pressed. I feel like I must be missing something!

I'll also second running as a de-stresser. It's totally headclearing and the one time in a day when I'm not a mom, worker, daughter, friend etc etc. I'm just me

Its all relative Bit and depends on personalities. I only have 1 DC but her & her father are highly-strung, high-maintenance people which drains me.

Great tips though MNers!

I know that MrsG. It wasn't a criticism. I was more worried that I was missing something I should be doing!

Oh I see Bit sorry

ASMR videos on YouTube. Google gentlewhispering, she's amazing. I fall asleep to her voice every night.

Mindfulness ...try a blog called zen habits ...lots of ideas on how to improve mindfulness.

That's OK MrsG - I did sound a bit accusing in my first post

I definitely find there are times wehn I can cope better with being busy than others (hormones? tiredness? run down?)

I was thinking that BitOutOfPractice! Our weekends seem quite long sometimes, although it's just the two of us. I seem to get housework done on Saturday mornings when ds watches tv and then we have a bit of lunch and go to the park, or go visiting friends.
I only really get stressed over money and certain troublesome family situations, but not over being too busy.
There are lots of things I don't bother with, like ironing and batch cooking.Or cleaning windows and things very often (i.e xmas and birthdays!)
I don't have a partner though so maybe not doing the "wife" bit of "wife and mother" is less stressful?
Agree about outdoors stuff though. I am dying to get out onto my veggie patch in the spring while ds "helps" i.e runs away from worms.
I reckon 4 is about the time when it all gets easier anyway, because they can do their own thing a bit.

Swimming does it for me - proper lap swimming, the harder I push myself the better. I tend to have high blood pressure and my practice nurse recommended it to me.

I also like to go on a nice long walk by myself when I have things on my mind.
Though of course the 'by myself' bit can be difficult when you have young kids!

Lower your standards and aim to do less.
Look up "15 minute a day cleaning schedule". Follow that and there is no cleaning at the weekend!
Online grocery shopping during the week.
Saturday = chore day, plan ahead
Sunday = family relax day, plan in some me (and dh) time.

ssd - i'm sorry for the loss of your mum. There's an article here that may help a little.

Mindfulness is not about controlling your mind. You don't try to stop your thoughts or feelings - you let them come but you don't hang onto them. One of the most important things i've learnt is that thoughts are not facts - you acknowledge them but don't focus on them. The important thing is to notice your mind wandering and then bring it back rather than trying to fight what is a perfectly natural tendency of the brain to want to solve every problem, even those that don't really exist - your mind wandering is not any kind of failure. The very act of acknowledging each thought before it goes can give you an amazing insight into how your mind works and what it is actually spending your time and energy on.

I think these may have been linked to already, but both these websites have a lot of good info:

Mindfulnet
Bemindful

thank you x

Stroking the cat and listening to him purr always de stresses me

Echo some of the other comments here:

Exercise - in any form, as many times as is humanly possible.

Reflexology - I find this incredibly relaxing

Yoga - laughter yoga is well worth a try too - there are loads of apps and youtube vids around.

Address the spiritual aspects of stress - pray, read, learn - depending on your inclination get to a great church, I really enjoyed reading The Buddhist Boot Camp www.buddhistbootcamp.com/

If you fancy trying a bit of micro meditation (even a little bit helps) then try www.calm.com/.

Wishing you good mental health x

It's not so much 'special me time' but I have an intensely stressful job, commonly working 50+hours per week and I often find myself going to bed at 1am/2am with THINGS and LISTS buzzing round my head so that I can't sleep which is even more annoying when I have to be up at 6.30. In that situation I listen to sleep hypnotherapy tracks from YouTube on my phone, which send me to sleep in about 3 minutes flat.

Great thread! I am mum of 3 kids (7, 5 and 3) and my husband and I are self employed making life pretty hectic. Sometimes I get so stressed I get palpitations and panic Attacks. I have had some councilling and it did help. Making lifestyle changes such as factoring in some form of exercise a week, lowering expectations and trying to plan ahead helps but there are some good suggestions on here. I am going to explore the mindfulness idea.
Thanks :)

A hot bath and a good book. Seem to be having a lot of thoses lately