To ask Boyfriend to sleep in a separate room instead of sharing with my daughters and I?

[Meaningoflife]

I have been dating a man for almost 2 years now. He has met my 2 DDs a number of times and stayed overnight in my house twice when they've been there too (although I do try to limit this as still not entirely comfortable). We have been invited to my cousin's wedding and will be staying overnight at the venue. I'm not happy for my 2 DDs to be in a room on their own (they are 11 and 8) so I've booked a family room for us but neither does it seem right for my boyfriend to be in the same room (even though my DDs have seen us in bed together). AIBU to ask him to sleep in a separate room for the night? He doesn't see the issue although he is happy to respect my wishes.

Two rooms are more appropriate.

He doesn't see the issue although he is happy to respect my wishes.

Given the above, why are you asking a load of strangers on the internet? It isn't a problem!

I don't see the issue. He's been with you 2 years. Your children are old enough to know he's your partner.

He said he will do what you want anyway.

It's entirely your decision, but I think if you have been together for 2 years it is reasonable at least for him to stay overnight in your house. I can understand what you mean about the hotel room, are there any other options eg adjoining rooms or a suite? I suppose it depends on how their relationship is and how you would feel eg if it were this situation with your ex and his partner.

Yes, 2 rooms is the way to go.

I agree with you and I agree that he agrees with you.

What is the issue...are you getting questioned by other people? If so, tell them to get their beak out.

2 connecting rooms would be ideal, but I know that's pretty rare in most hotels nowadays. Separate rooms, your DC with you and him in another room is the next best option imo. I wouldn't want my DC in a separate, non-adjoining room to me and they are a fair bit older than yours.

I wouldn't see an issuegiven the time you've been together but I can also understand why you mightbe uncomfortable.
although as others have said if your bf is happy to get his own room then its not a problem.
Do you think you are maybe being a little ott about him not staying over at home? Your kids are old enough to understand who he is and I'm guessing you don't have a different man in your house each weekend.

I would say 2 rooms, but coming from the other side - that maybe your dd's might want a bit more privacy, especially the older one.

I have investigated the option of adjoining rooms but there aren't any. There isn't an issue as such because he is happy to respect my wishes but he did seem a bit bemused when I suggested it so I just wanted a view from other people to check I wasn't over complicating things. Thanks for all the advice.

I think you've got it spot on OP.

I'm with you all the way about limiting the time he spends overnight in your house when your DD are there. Until you are sure he is long term and there is some commitment you don't want any break up to affect your DDs too.

And I can understand you wanting to be in the same room at a hotel. Adjoining rooms would be perfect though if the hotel can accommodate that.

So refreshing to read a thread where the bf is reasonable and the OP is too.

YANBU

2 years? I can't see the problem tbh - I'd feel like i should be more involved in your lives and seen as more than a visitor if i were him.

If you don't trust your boyfriend after two years, and he already sleeps in the same house as your daughters then perhaps you need to end the relationship.

This isn't about trust, it's about respect for her daughters

They are at a "funny" age and bring forced to share a room with someone who doesn't normally even live in their home is not appropriate

It's one night, for a special occasion

If bf has to be displaced to give 2 young girls some privacy, so be it

Could you not rent an apartment ??

funky, she did not say she didn't trust him !
theres a difference between trusting someone with your DDs safety (ie not thinking they may be a perv) and not wanting to let your kids get emotionally used to them being around in case of a split up

it is refreshing to see someone being so sensible about this and putting their Dc first instead of moving a new man/woman in within weeks of a break up, and expecting it to be all happy families

and as AF says there's the privacy aspect to - my 11yo is well developed and has started her periods - she would not want to share a room with her own dad even though she's a daddys girl

if the BF is happy to put the kids' needs first, he sounds like a good un - too many examples of silly sulky immature partners on here!

Indeed !

YANBU.

Generally tho, you should be fine to start relaxing about having him in the house after two years. Hardly a one-night stand.

Thanks, it is about respect rather than trust and as other posters have mentioned my eldest DD is well developed for her age and I think would find it uncomfortable. 2 years does sound a long time but I have taken it VERY slowly (I was seeing him for a year before I introduced DDs) so going to the wedding as a 'unit' will be a first for us all.

Have a lovely time and rest assured you have done the right thing x