AIBU - dd sleepover with GP -smoking related?

[1sttimekate]

Dd is 3. Dc2 on the way in 4 weeks. We have had one night away since Dd was born. Before Dc2 arrives I booked a naice hotel for us as Xmas surprise for OH. It's supposed to be next weekend and dd was going to stay with GP particularly grandma who she adores for one night. BUT her husband smokes. In the house. It stinks. I stayed recently & didn't sleep well felt like I couldn't breathe. Had to wash everything when I got home. Am torn - my OH categorically doesn't want dd staying there. Grandma will be heartbroken & dd was looking forward to her first ever 'sleepover' (the only other time a friend babysat overnight). But it stinks. Is one night really going to harm her? AIBU or should K just cancel?

Can Grandma come stay with her at your house?

Why did you arrange without thinking/consulting DH?

I used to sleep at my father's and stepmother's house, and I slept really badly due to the smell. I am sorry to say that even though this was some thirty years ago, I let my DC sleep there too.

They also used to smoke in my house and I would wake up in the night with the stale smell.

Can't Grandma babysit at your house?

Nanny, I arranged as Xmas surprise (the hotel) so didn't want to speak to OH before as would've given the game away. Also the 3 of us have stayed twice before which although horrible smelling / slept badly because of the smoke we both put up with. I know it's not ideal. We have no other family within 200 miles.

Tbh I hate the smoking too and we have mentioned it in the past - grandma also is going through chemo and he doctor has also asked husband not to smoke around her. He is v selfish in this regard, I swing between being furious and frustrated with it.

Yes the obvious answer is Grandma comes to our house isn't it. But I still hate smokers!!!

Have you talked to Grandma and has she talked to her husband?

If you put it in a nice, non judgemental way (it is after all their house, their health and up to them just not when it comes to your child) wouldn't they desist for a night?

Just ask her to babysit at yours.

just get her to come to yours and leave the smoker at home maybe will give her a break from it anyway

Alifelived, yes I definitely take your point it is their life and their health. But tbh without us there I think he would smoke anyway - and the whole house smells even if he stopped for one night - it's in the fabrics, stained ceilings, etc etc. it makes me sad that one persons actions have this effect Anyway, thanks to everyone who has replied, I will ask Grandma to come to our house

Can you compromise by asking him to smoke outside whenever the children are there?

Ok great, hope that works out. Re the smelliness - that's a different matter than it being smoky and harmful to others. But I get why the whole thing bothers you and you're not sure he'd not smoke even if told.

I agree that you should talk to grandma
My father smoked but they were both really anxious to not let if affect their grandchildren. They happily talked about it without seeing it as my making a judgement on his smoking.

He gave up actually when he relished that once they were small children he was modelling it as an accptable thing to do. Bless him