AIBU to think it's parents should not laugh or encourage little girls

[winterchunderland]

saying things like "I don't like boys" and visa versa.

We wouldn't accept these kind of negative generalisations as adults so where do they come from?
Shouldn't we try to encourage our children to play with the opposite gender?

AIBU to not understand why young children can often be heard being so negative or nasty about a group because of their gender?

My DC were not sophisticated enough to notice indicators of relative wealth when still "little" (as per thread title - what age groups are you thinking of?).

But laughing because they are being ridiculous would still be appropriate. because it can tell them that it (whatever it is) is a ridiculous thing to be saying.

I do not see laughing as synonymous with encouraging. I think you have a different view, and so it is likely your DC might respond differently as well.

oh op you are being a bit silly here.

I wish my dss didn't like girls quite do much as they do since puberty kicked in some years ago, and I wish my teen dds preferred quiet study and modest clothing to parties, boys and arse skimming skirts as they do now.

op lets leave them to dislike the opposite sex as long as possible, because it sure is a hell is a lot easier when they do.

"I disagree that it's not a big deal. Why is it ok to be mean or exclude due to gender at any stage?"

As said it us a normal well researched and documented developmental stage.

We cannot just change human emotional development to suit random thoughts.

We accept different stages such as toddler tantrums, teenage ansk etc because they are part of us making sence if our world and developing as we should.

We are complex beings, some of us experiences these stages more extremely, but they should be worked through and sometimes ignored until they pass.

This is how we grow to be mentally well.

"It's fine to laugh when small children say something ridiculous. It's one way of showing them that it is ridiculous."

Being laughed at and made to feel ridiculous can damage a child's self esteem. So it isn't something that a primary care giver should do, when faced with normal development stages or childhood ignorance.

OP you would tell the children to let the other chid play "just this once", but a lecture on gender is over the top.

Children should have the freedom to explore what they are thinking without humiliation.

You can easily quickly explain how it bakes a child feel to be excluded and point out that their Dad/GF/Uncle etc was once a boy and leave it as quickly as possible at that.

A few months later this will pass of it's own accord.

"As said it us a normal well researched and documented developmental stage."

Please could you link something? Genuinely interested

I agree with the point that a lot of people don't like the idea of adult women just being close friends with men.

My best friend is a woman but the rest of my close friends are men and people are always trying to twist my friendships with them into something more. I should add that I am a lesbian but am not completely out yet and only came out to my best friend this week so I defiantly do not fancy any of my male friends.

However there are a certain group of people I know who are always pushing my close friends on me and are forever telling me I clearly fancy them as there's no way we could be so close otherwise.

soon teachers will have lists of children's names and then require certain children to play together at break time.

these lists will be carefully compiled so the groups will contain a mix of sexes, ethnic backgrounds, religions and socio economic diversity.

adults must be sure that every aspect of children's lives be helicoptered and listened to to ensure complete and utter compliance with adults views of political correctness. especially leisure activities.

I tell you it will come.

Here is one around gender development, tbh it us to big a subject to link to. uk.search.yahoo.com/r/_ylt=A7x9QaYf99tSsDEAGGFB4iA5;_ylu=X3oDMTBybWh0ZnN2BHNlYwNzcgRwb3MDNgRjb2xvA2lyZAR2dGlkAw--/SIG=14ir7r84j/EXP=1390176159/**http%3awww.open.edu/openlearn/body-mind/childhood-youth/childhood-and-youth-studies/childhood/cognition-and-gender-development

Following in from my link, at around 4 a child understands that gender is fixed and is not dependant on behaviour but genitals (this is taking social construction out of the equation).

As said in the link, certain aspects are internalised and it is normal to want to assign as closely as possible to your gender, which includes rejecting the bother gender.

This is separate to being Transgender.

www.parenting-boys.com/Child-Development

If you click into "Pre School Development" it states

5-Year-Olds

distinguishes right from wrong, honest from dishonest, but does not recognize intent
seeks to play rather than be alone; friends are important
plays with both boys and girls but prefers the same sex
wants to conform; may criticize those who do not

Birds, all of that research indicates that ideas of gender and behaviour across Kohlberg's stages are influenced by social conditioning eg boys seeking out 'boys' things' to gain approval for doing so; peer-reinforcement and judging of others' behaviour and play as inappropriate while having different internalised ideas.

The fact that it's an observed stage doesn't make it innately biological. Social conditioning and its effect on long-term behaviour is something that can be challenged and (over an achingly long time) social mores may change.

thanks bird
very interesting

OP wasn't asking 'do children do this' - she was suggesting adults shouldn't reinforce it. I agree with her.

Thanks Jassy.

I said the same as a child and grew out of it in my teens. I played with boys as a child and have male friends now. My 2yo dd mixes with boys and girls I'd never discourage her from playing with one particular gender. I think it's a phase kids go through

Do adults enforce it? dd1 says this occasionally and I just go through the list of boys she plays with. She quickly agrees that she does like boys actually

brettgirl
that's exactly what I would expect a parent to do, however, I hear mums jokingly joining in or laughing. I think this is wrong.

I don't mind if DD chooses to play with girls rather than boys ( ATM it is pretty even split).

But I won't tolerate lazy stereotyping of an entire gender, whichever it is.

I wouldn't let a sweeping statement like "I don't like boys" go, any more than I would let "I don't like children with brown faces" go. It's possible to have a sense of your identity without imbuing everything that is Other with negative characteristics, IMO, and I think if they are old enough to start making sweeping generalisations they are old enough to have those gently challenged.

My dss do the I hate girls thing in theory (between each other and boy friends) but in practice are very happy to play with girls in the park/school playground. I think a lotof it is just banter, needing to spot difference to create a mutual 'enemy' for play and gender is the most obvious one.