Disappointed again :( to just end it?

[facecreamandchocolate]

My DP is great, he's very good to me and has always treated me well. I'm just getting sick of feeling let down. It was my Birthday in December, I had told him for months I had a night planned with girl friends and I'd like him to take me somewhere the next day (my actual birthday) even if it was dinner or cinema, just to do something with him for my present. He arranged something but on the day he told me he couldn't take me because he couldn't afford it. He had bought me presents, for both Christmas and my Birthday and waited on me hand and foot on the day to make up for it so I didn't feel too hard done by and let it go. Fast forward to two weeks ago he was meant to come pick me up from work (I don't drive) I knew he was coming so left my coat and purse at home. He text me an hour before I was due to finish work to say he was tired and could he see me another day instead. I'm nor allowed my phone till I finish work and he knows that so only saw the text as I was leaving. Tried ringing him to let him no I had no money for the train, no answer. Phone then died and I had to walk four hours to get home without a coat. I was angry, but he wasn't to know I had left my purse and coat at home, he was sleeping when I left work. I was mad at him for a bit, mainly because your hours walking is not fun, but let it go. Now on Friday (yesterday) he was meant to be picking me up from work and we had plans to go to the cinema tonight (Saturday) he rang me when I had finished work yesterday to say he was too tired to come get me but would see me tomorrow. Thankfully I had money on me this time! Anyway he turns up today, I'm all glammed up for the cinema, he says he can't take me he has no money can we stay in and he takes me tomorrow. I said how can you take me tomorrow but not today, he gives me a bunch of excuses that don't even make sense, I don't have my card, I have my card but money will only go through tomorrow, I have £10 in my car, I don't have £10.. I start getting angry what are you talking about? In the end he apologises for lying and admits he was just buying time because he cant take me tomorrow either.
I came on here mainly to vent! What's the point in lying and changing plans at the minute! I am very confused right now!

5 years?!? I thought it sounded like a very new relationship.

Talk to him OP! If he's having money troubles he's probably feeling crap about it and embarrassed. Offer him over to your place for dinner and a movie (free so no pressure money wise) and chat to him. He may have made a financial fuck up and be ashamed.

Or (worst case scenarios)

A. He's lying cause he's got a gambling addiction.

B. He's lying cause he's cheating on you.

Agree with others it seems odd to want to end an otherwise good relationship of 5 years over this

Maybe it's me but I'd never go anywhere without my purse or with no money whatsoever, do you normally do that?

On the money front, tbh if my DP of 5 years didn't have the money for a night out I offer to pay for us myself if I had the cash - sounds like he's just got a bit of a cash flow problem right now, why didn't you offer to pay for the cinema? After 5 years I'd expect things like that to be shared expenses

Is it possible he is fed up of you? You do sound a bit helpless. For your birthday, he bought you a present, you informed him weeks beforehand you were going out with mates another day and you informed him you wanted to be "taken somewhere". He "waits on you hand and foot" for birthday and Christmas. You blame him because you forget your purse and coat for getting home from work and for your phone running out of power. You can't drive. Going out with you sounds very hard work, no wonder he is tired! He sounds like he is making excuses to avoid seeing you, to be honest.

Why on earth wouldn't you pay for him at the cinema as well as yourself? If you have been together five years, why such rigidity about paying half each? Have you tried talking to him and asking him if he has money problems? If this is a recent development, perhaps he is under pressure at work, has had overtime cut, has had some large bills? The "tiredness" would fit in with that as well if he is feeling stressed or anxious.

Quote OP: 'he was meant to come pick me up from work (I don't drive) I knew he was coming so left my coat and purse at home.'

Why would you go out in the modern world with no money?

4 hours

Tbh, it all sounds a bit rubbish. Forgetting the taking you out bit, the fact that he couldn't be bothered even to pick you up speaks volumes.

How did you get to work without a coat in the middle of winter, if it is a train journey away?

Another vote for the finances being shared after 5 years usually.

It all sounds very odd indeed. I think you need to get to the bottom of what is really going on. Once you know then you can make an informed decision about the future.

If he can't explain his finances and flakiness then a trip to the doctor to check he is ok would be in order. If all comes to nothing or he won't talk to you then you have your answer and it would be better to move on before you are more committed to him.

I would recommend you learn to drive ASAP, as it does give you more options.

Can I ask why after 5 years the relationship has not moved on from bf/gf dating.

You went out without a coat in January??

Id arrange a few nights out with friends. Don't invite him along. If he sets up another date at the cinema tell him you think he is living and will not waste your time/energy/thought on his made up offer. He is just messing you around and you are not interested. I play it cool and hang out with mates instead.

If make him promise never to lie to me again.

If he really has been great up till now then there is something else going on. You need to have a really good talk to him making it clear how you feel and reminding him of all the strange let downs in the past few weeks. Maybe learn to drive if you can...it must be really a annoying having to rely on others in that way.

If he really has been great up till now then there is something else going on. You need to have a really good talk to him making it clear how you feel and reminding him of all the strange let downs in the past few weeks. Maybe learn to drive if you can...it must be really a annoying having to rely on others in that way.

If he really has been great up till now then there is something else going on. You need to have a really good talk to him making it clear how you feel and reminding him of all the strange let downs in the past few weeks. Maybe learn to drive if you can...it must be really a annoying having to rely on others in that way.

Excuse multi ple posts!

5 years? I assumed this was a new thing from your OP.

He either has someone else or he is skint. Find out what is going on and when he says he doesn't know, he is lying. We all know, sometimes we don't like to admit what is going on.

Never ever go anywhere without a coat, purse & charged phone even if you are guaranteed a lift home.
You are putting yourself in a very vulnerable position.

Get rid of him and invest some money in driving lessons. Time & money better spent in my opinion.

It is unusual to date someone for 5 years and not live together. Have you been to his house OP? Have you met his family and friends?

Hmm - I would never not take a coat and my purse out with me! What if he had had a problem with his car that night? You'd have been in the same position.

You should be able to be honest with each other though. If he couldn't afford the cinema you could have paid for him. TBH it sounds as though that was more what you wanted to do than him.

I would ask if there's something going on that he hasn't told you about.

He has stopped wanting to take you out but is happy to stay in? Do you think he might have had a fling and be terrified of you finding out?

How did you go to work with no coat? Did he give you lift in the morning?

OP are you one of those people who rely too much on others and make others responsible for your happiness?

How did you get to work with no coat or money op?

I also don't understand why if you wanted to go to the cinema so badly you didn't just pay for his ticket?