my time off and dh aibu

[livingmydream612]

Can you settle an argument with me and dh please. Who is bu

We have been together 10 years and have a dd1yr.
Dh works full time starts his day at 0330am and is home at 4pm.
I start day with dd typically 07/08 am and she goes to bed at 7pm.
At the moment 3 nights per week after work he does all the looking after dd. I have the nights to do as I please, he has 2 nights per week and a day off sunday. He suggested we do this 7 weeks ago to give me some time to myself.
With the new year he is on a gym kick and also wants to sleep more after work therefore he has said that he now during the week I have to look after dd myself and I can get a half day of his sunday off for time to myself,
I realize this is a silly post but dh wants to know what you all think. I know I probably am being selfish here but I really look forward to my nights off.

Surely if she goes to bed at 7 you both have nights off?

Tbh I find your post confusing.

You're splitting the child care like a couple that's split, not a family.

Ya both bu.

Spend time together with your dc!

I think it's a little bit strange, we spend time together with the DC in the evening, could you cook dinner while he plays with DD so you get a bit of peace in the kitchen, then one of you bath her the other puts her to bed or both of you do it, that sort of thing.

Weekends we usually do family stuff, like bike rides, swimming, library, park, shopping, visiting people, homework, housework, DIY etc. Some times DH might pop out for an hour or so with the DC or I will go to tesco on my own to get some peace, but we just don't split our time like you are suggesting.

Having said all that, if it works for your family.

If you change to the new way that he is proposing, how much (in hours) do you each get to yourself?

Sounds very regimented. Do you not have evenings to yourself every evening anyway after 7 when your dd goes to bed? And when do you and dh spend time together if you are splitting the whole week up to give each other time to do things separately?

Just realised that you have another thread running. Do you want to get this one deleted? More people posting on the other one.

I think the whole set up sounds barmy tbh! Why can't he go to the gym after work and then help with dd when he gets home? Why does he get a whole day off on a Sunday anyway? Does that mean you can never make plans on a Sunday?

Sorry but it's odd, it sounds like custody arrangements not family.

Although I will say your dh's working day sounds very long and incredibly unsociable 3.30am

Have I got it wrong, have you in fact split up and that's why it's all so separate. If not it all seems a bit sad.

So he wants you to do all the on call parent duty on all of his work days? When is he intending to see your child? A hit more clarity about the current split and the proposed New arrangement would help, but it sounds like he's aiming for him having a lot more downtime than you. For comparison, DP goes to work before DD and I get up Monday to Friday, gets home an hour before she goes to bed, and uses that hour to do her bath and bed routine (except in Fridays). Sundays he's free to do as he pleases, Saturdays are my day off. If he didn't do those weekday evenings he wouldn't see his daughter all week.

Is there time in your schedule for spending time together as a family doing fun things? Time together as a couple? If not then I would worry about sustaining both family and marriage. Personally I think that children benefit from seeing their parents as a team who work together, not a job share.

I think he's being reasonable. Maybe he could cut down to looking after the child one night a week. He works a long day.

It's so sad to regard looking after your own 1 yr old daughter as a chore to be avoided whenever possible. What's the bleeping point?

By the way, I don't think that your being selfish as such, just have a slightly odd way of looking at family life which may not be ideal.

Oh, and do you work?