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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

..to be annoyed on neighbour's behalf?

10 replies

FurryDogMother · 18/01/2014 15:04

I'm staying at my Dad's flat at the moment, which is on the first floor of a two storey block. Dad's upstairs neighbour just knocked on the door, asking if we'd out an anonymous note through her door saying 'please stop the banging, day and night, it's too much'. Well, we didn't - we do hear her children running up and down, but it's not a problem (Dad's a bit deaf anyway) - that's what kids do. I'm feeling outraged on her behalf that someone has done this, and can't for the life of me work out who it might be - no one else shares a ceiling/floor with her, just one (small) bedroom wall, and on the other side, a living room wall, and I can't imagine there's banging going on that we wouldn't be able to hear.

We've got a director's meeting (I'm Dad's proxy) coming up next week with the managing agent, and I'm wondering if it would be worth sending a letter to all occupants (most are tenants, only a few owners) suggesting that they contact the agents with any problems, as opposed to nasty little notes through doors! It's really left an unpleasant taste in my mouth, and am wondering what's the best way of dealing with it - any ideas? Strictly speaking, it's not my business, of course, but if she'd been too upset to ask if we'd sent the note, she might still be thinking we did, if you see what I mean.

OP posts:
hiddenhome · 18/01/2014 15:13

Just MYOB. Perhaps she is causing noise for one of the other neighbours.

Why would you be outraged at a polite note?

FurryDogMother · 18/01/2014 15:16

Because it was anonymous, and therefore led our neighbour to think it could be us who was complaining.

OP posts:
conquistador · 18/01/2014 15:17

I'd say yabu.
Maybe she is causing noise issues for another of her neighbours. Noisy neighbours are an awful thing to have to deal with and the note seemed polite enough?

WeddingComingUp · 18/01/2014 15:18

'Stop the fucking banging day and night or I'll be reporting you to the council'

That is a nasty note.

I'd say the content of the actual note was perfectly reasonable and polite.

YABU

hiddenhome · 18/01/2014 15:23

Anonymous is reasonable as some people just want a quiet life and wouldn't wish to be identified because it might lead to problems. When there are many people living in close proximity fallings out can turn ugly.

That note was polite and reasonable.

FurryDogMother · 18/01/2014 15:27

OK, IABU :) It was just a gut reaction - felt so sorry for her 'cos it must feel horrible to know that one of your neighbours is pissed off with you, but you don't know which! Still think that we'd be hearing it if there was unreasonable banging, though (as opposed to reasonable banging, of course!). Thanks for the feedback!

OP posts:
Topaz25 · 18/01/2014 16:10

I don't think anonymous notes are the best way to address things, I can see why she's upset. If she asked politely if you put the note there then she sounds like the sort of person who could discuss this issue reasonably, not a nightmare neighbour, so the note writer should have approached her instead. It seems a bit passive aggressive.

Topaz25 · 18/01/2014 16:12

It could have been worse though:
www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/

Vintagecakeisstillnice · 18/01/2014 17:06

We had this, we were living in one the top floor of a three story block. The person in the middle started with anon note which was horrible. You view all your neighbours with suspicion, horrible way to live.

Luckily (!?) for us she escalated to banging on the door to complain. We ended up terrified to breath deeply incase we disturbed her.

We realised we were on to a loser when we were away for a long weekend and arriving back she accosted us on the stairs accusing of playing music 'all night' and ignoring her knocking to ask us to turn it down. I slightly lost it at that point, having spent months afraid to do anything in my flat.

Being normal reasonable people we'd assumed that we were making too much noise that it was us and not her,we then went to the building manager and discover that 'our' noise' was the most reasonable of her complaints. . .
Her list included: the rubbish was collected on a Thursday not a Friday.
That the building manager did not collect said rubbish from her front door.
That the door in the block next to us(totally separate no adjoining wall) had a baby.
That said couple left their buggy in the foyer. . .

That we had timed (very generously timed) lighting in the stairways/hall. She want them on all night and day.

And number one from my POV: that when there was a fire in the housing estate next to us the fire engines drove through our estate to get to it. . .

My point being most people on here are reasonable ( yea there are exceptions.…) so they start from a point of assuming that the person making the complaint is also reasonable. Sometimes they are not.

Bring it up with the building manager, it may that (a) they are more noisy that they/you realise or (b) it's a false/ malicious complaint. You can always say that you haven't noticed them being over noisy, nor has your Dad any issues with it.

snakeandpygmy · 18/01/2014 17:35

Whilst an anonymous note is not usually the best way to go about making a complaint neither is going straight to the landlord/agent. As soon as you do that you are likely to cause an irreparable breach in neighbourly relations. Just think about it, which would you rather; a knock on the door from the person next door/upstairs, saying something like 'Do you think you could keep the noise down please, it's disturbing me' or a formal visit or letter from the landlord saying 'We've had a complaint about all the noise you make'. In the latter case the most common reaction would be along the lines of 'Well, why didn't whoever is complaining tell me there was a problem' with a side order of 'Now that b has got me into trouble'. In most cases these things can be sorted out by reasonable discussion rather than going straight on the attack.

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