To ask out one of my students?

[Butterscotchcrumbles]

I work in an adult education establishment as a second job. Rather embarrassingly, I have developed a crush on one of my students.

We are both roughly the same age (early 30's). We get on well, I find him attractive and I am fairly sure he is single.

Obviously I have no idea if he feels the same way. I don't overstep any boundaries and never speak to him one on one. He wouldn't know that I fancy him by my behaviour. I am very careful about that.

He is due to finish his course in March and we will have nothing more to do with each other after that. He definitely will not come back or enroll on another course.

Would asking him out after his course has finished be totally unreasonable?

Asking after the course has finished is fine. It's before then that I would see as a bit risky. But go ahead in March.

Not totally unreasonable but how do you know he definitely won't enrol on another course?

Wait til March

I am married to one of my former students!

Check any conditions of the job one place I know puts a12 month policy in place.

After the course should be fine, during may cause a conflict of interests if you mark any of his work.

One of DHs lecturers married one of his mature student. IT was a very minor part of her course which was very much aimed at adults in business not school leavers.

Only afterwards. Before is, I don't know, a bit seedier?

March isn't that far away.

So not long to wait (but you do need to wait until then). And perhaps use the time to play detective and establish if your hunch that he is single is correct.

Thanks for your replies. I would definitely wait until March - I think it would be completely unfair on everyone (especially the other students) to do anything before then.

Worra he definitely won't be back - it is to do with the nature of the course.

I suppose I have a residual concern that he could be really offended and complain to the college. I would do it in a low key "do you fancy a drink" way and I would hope that he would take it in his stride even if his answer is no.

But I am not sure I could cope with the embarrassment if he did complain!

I'd go with when the course is finished too, less problematic even if you are both adults.

I can't see him complaining really

Good luck, let us know in March

Thanks Worra, I will!

Will there be an "end of course" drinks? If so, try to get invited along and see what transpires.

Does teaching finish in March and does anything happen after that? Just wondering whether it would it be sensible to wait until any post course processes (like marking and publication of results) are finished?

While I was at university married his PhD student because she got pregnant & then had to divorce his wife...All very scandalous at the time particularly since his former wife was also a student of his.

As the old saying goes, when the man marries the OW a vacancy arises for another mistress..

Billy, I am thinking along those lines. Although I am nervous to do anything in front of other members of the faculty, I think that might be easier than sending him an email (thus committing myself to paper).

Oscar126 There are things after March along the lines you suggest, but I won't be involved in any of them. I agree that it might be better to wait until everything is signed off until I do anything (if I do anything)

MsAsprey I would never have an affair or go after a man who was in a relationship. I don't think he is. Even if I am mistaken, hopefully he is the type of man who would simply laugh about it with his DP and say thanks but no thanks.

*Araminta" - It is very hard to tell one way or another. I think it may be a situation where he probably wouldn't do anything himself (because of the relationship) but wouldn't be adverse to things moving from my side. I think your drinks suggestion is a good one.

Thanks all!

MrsAsprey While I was at university married his PhD student because she got pregnant & then had to divorce his wife...All very scandalous at the time particularly since his former wife was also a student of his

Exact same at my university....Midlands? Or just a really common scenario?

OP, wait until March. Encourage contact (for all students) via email/etc or coffee/chat. If he's interested, he'll get the hint?

Go for it!

MaidofStars v common scenario I am afraid...I was at London. I read my post back & realised that I missed a few words out but you knew what I was talking about!

I meant to type "while I was at university, a lecturer married his PhD student...."

OP I wasn't suggesting that you would start an affair with a married man, I was retelling a tale from my past which seems to be quite common. In my department, out of the 20 male lecturers there six had married or were in relationships with their students.