I have anxiety so I can't tell -

[weirdthing]

DS is 8 and has (well controlled) epilepsy - even so his epilepsy has made me deeply anxious about letting anyone else look after him. Anyhow, he's been invited to a party tomorrow without us. I don't know the birthday child's parents very well but they seem nice and DS is keen to go. If it was just at the house, that'd be ok but they 'may' take the kids (don't know how many) to the park or the cinema.

Now I'm starting to panic about DS being raped in the men's toilets at the cinema or being abducted in the park whilst the adults are chatting. I know I need to give him some space to develop and grow but this is so bloody hard for me. DH says I need to trust our son and believe in a benevolent universe - sadly due to personal bad experiences I always think the worst about every situation.

Pleae tell me that you'd let your DS go and that I am being a nutter. It would make me feel better :)

I'd let my ds go and you're being a nutter overly anxious. Does that help?

In the nicest way (and I know how it is to have anxiety) yabu well more irrational than unreasonable.

I would let my 8 year old go.

You are being over-protective, let him go!

Thing is, if you wrap in him up in cotton wool and don't let him go anywhere, it is going to end up affecting him adversely.
He'll either end up feeling smothered by you and resent you for it, or he'll turn fearful.
Neither are ideal are they?

You are being paranoid!

I don't think you're being unnecessarily anxious, but my anxieties would be more about there being too many children and not enough adults and the outing all being a bit stressful and not much fun for my own DS, and less about being raped in the cinema toilets.
However, if your DS is keen to go, and you think the parents seem nice, could you not hang about a bit when you drop him off, just to get the lay of the land, and see if they "need an extra adult" if they are going to go out of the house?

Sorry I agree with the others, you need to let him go. I'm sure he'll surprise you with how sensible he can be if you trust him.

Thank you. I just needed to hear that from other parents. I know that one of the worst things about having a medical condition is that parents go over-protective and suffocate their child. I don't want to be one of THOSE mums but obviously I want to keep him safe too. If everyone else would think it was fine then I will try to have a gin and tonic tomorrow and see him off with a smile.

That's quite a severe thought process of things to worry you. You have your sons epilepsy under control now go to the Drs and get your just as real anxiety under control.

I agree you should let him go

you will probably feel better when you know what the actual plans are , how they are getting there and how many adults , easy to let your mind wander if you dont know where they will be or who with .

I'm prone to anxiety myself there's a lot you can do to stop it getting out of control.

It would be worth speaking to your GP about if you haven't already.

I'm sorry OP, I can't imagine what it's like to live with that kind of anxiety. Must be so stressful for you.

But your husband is right, you need to let him go and believe all will be ok. Because it will. In a few short years he won't need your permission to go places, this is step one on the route to him becoming sensible and streetwise.

Good luck!

I have had CBT and psychotherapy for anxiety but no drugs. It seems to be getting worse rather than better. I had a bad childhood, a bad relationship aged 17-27 then when I had a new baby, my DS collapsed on the road and I thought he had died. I had to flag down a car to get the to ring 999. It sent me a bit doolally :(

Because you have anxiety your post is scattergunning OP.

You tell us DS has epilepsy, which is one thing to worry about, except that it's well controlled, so that's that dealt with. Then it's a big stretch to worrying about him being raped in male toilets or abducted in the park - he's potentially only going to the cinema OR the park, so no need to worry about both.

The real question is how many children are going to this party and do you think there'll be enough responsible adults to look after them?
FWIW I never worried about this kind of thing and let my two DCs go to children's parties (and hosted parties) and nothing sinister or even unwelcome ever happened to anyone. Infact everyone had a great time, even if sometimes I felt like a stiff G and T at the end of the hosting

We even used to have a little boy who suffered about 20 different kind of allergies, according to his mother. She used to supply plain bottled water and his own food, but he was always really robust and never came to any harm, infact he had a damn good time.
HTH.

Oh bless you weirdthing, I was typing all that while others and you were replying.
I hadn't even seen your G and T post when I typed mine.

No idea about the child to adult ratios. I will have a word with the mum when I get there. For what it's worth, DS is supremely confident and keen to go. I don't think he would care how many children were there!

It will be ok, I promise. for you, I know how you feel.

I can relate to this way of thinking, but he will be fine. And when he comes back having had a lovely time you'll be really glad you let him go. Try to think of something nice to do while he's at party.

Thank you everybody. You have all helped a lot xxx

I think you should talk to the doctor about some medication for your anxiety - i suffer from anxiety too so this would be stress inducing for me.

BUT - I would not be happy about sending my child to a party with parents i don't know well if i don't know what they will be doing. They "may" go to the cinema or the park? How many children are there going to be?

Fellow anxiety sufferer here and veteran of CBT. You are catastrophising this situation.

Assuming the party is tomorrow afternoon:

Keep busy in the morning.
Make sure you eat regular meals, get out for a bit of exercise.
Get your DH to come with you to drop him off. Swap mobile numbers with the other mother. Then say bye and LEAVE!
Do something nice with DH while the party is on. Keep your phone to hand but don't keep checking it!

You could return to this thread for 'worry time' but allocate yourself a set amount of time on it. Then go and do something enjoyable, achievable and preferably physical straight afterwards.

He'll have a great time.

I just reread my post and think it came across snappy. What I actually meant was not to feel bad as anxiety is just as real a medical issue as epilepsy though harder to corral sadly.

The fact you are willing to challenge your own thought processes for the benefit of your DS despite it being hard for you is to be admired.

You're catastrophising . But then again, other parts of your concern are completely natural; I would want to know the plan, that's natural.

• Confirm with parents in the morning exactly what is happening.
• Keep busy whilst DS is at the party; do something nice, and for you, if you can.
• Don't clock watch.
• When you find yourself getting anxious, focus on some deep breathing, and distract yourself.

And in the long term, it might be worth considering medication, even if it's just temporary. These things escalate, and getting them back under control might help.

Take care.

I'd let him go - but I understand your anxiety, particularly if its the first time you've left him at a party? When DS was 6 he went on a day long trip with Beavers to a seaside resort 30 miles away, I was worrying about it for ages beforehand. I decided to work on the day he went, and when I saw how happy he had been I'm glad I let him go, as it was good for his confidence. I just have this summers overnight Cub camp to think about now! I'm sure your DS will have a fab time at the party x