to have been hurt by this

[highho1]

So I lost my sister who was in her 50's when she died a year ago. From memory dh was supportive in s practical way butI don't recall him providing much emotional support. Similarly when my mum died he did practical stuff but didn't handle me getting upset very well.
Now some only fools and horses actor had died. He is now banging on about how young he was and posting stupid commentd on facebook about it.
Aibu to feel hurt.

Sounds like one of those people who doesn't know how to react emotionally to someone else's grief and so channels all his sympathy into doing practical things to help so they can avoid things that make them uncomfortable like tears and anger.

A celebrity's death is 'safe' for him as he isn't connected to the person in any real way.

It's a shame some people are so uncomfortable with expressing emotion to those closest to them. Have you talked to him about it?

He wasn't that young. He was 69.

I would be upset too if I was in your place. My dad died five years ago and it damn near killed me. I totally understand that you want someone to comfort you and if he didn't and then he's getting silly over someone he didn't even know then I totally understand why you upset.

for your losses

Well I'm in an all male household and neither DH nor my sons were much use when my dad died a couple of years ago. Lots of practical support and hugs but they didn't really know what to say - why would they I guess. I don't think it means they don't empathise.

Interestingly, DS (17) has been going on about Roger Lloyd-Pack dying - he used to love him in the Vicar of Dibley and Only Fools. He didn't say a word to me when my dad died - just came up to me a few times and hugged me. I think it's probably the fact that it doesn't mean as much to them that they are able to talk about it.

Also, don't know how old you and dh are, but I am in my 50s and I always get spooked when relatively young people die (and 69 is't that old really).

We are early 40's. I guess I understand some people find dealing with emotions tough so I kind of accepted that that the way it is. So all this fuss about an actor seemed disloyal in some ways. I think squoosh theory makes sense.
Tbh I found it really hard to talk about my disappointment. I was asked what was on the telly to make cry on the day of your mum's funeral .

He wasn't that young. He was 69..

That isn't that old either. That would only give me another 10 years. I wouldn't even see my GC grow up.

And I do think the OP's husband is being a little insensitive, to say the least.

Not knowing him I may be projecting, but I suspect he felt the need to "be strong" for you when your sister and your Mum died, whereas an actor he didn't know he is emotionally detached from.
I don't think it's unusual, and, to be honest, was extremely thankful that my dh 'got on with things' when I lost my sister, my Mum and then my Dad. One thing I leared in coming to terms with my grief is that we all grieve in different ways and there is no "right" or "wrong" way to be.

He wasn't that young. He was 69.

What an awful comment. My Mum was 69 when she died two years ago. Try telling my DCs that Nanny wasn't that young.

He wasn't that young. He was 69

Perhaps not at your age but I'm 69 this year so obviously have a different point of view. You may too when you get older.

I saw him a couple of years ago in London. He looked bloody gorgeous. Don't care how old he was. I would have.

Yanbu but a lot of people do posture a bit when someone in the public eye dies.

"69 isnn't young"?

Yeah, that's exactly what I thought when my grandfather died at that age. Really enjoy the idea of having less than 20 years left with my parents because after all, they wouldn't be that young would they

I'm 25 and have never had that weird "everyone over 40 is ancient" attitude.

I guess it's relative though. My sister was 15 years younger than that and he never once said o she was so young or how awful for your mum to lose her child etc etc.

I too agree though that a loss is a loss at whatever age. The loss of my mum at 85 hit me harder than my sister at 54 or dad at 75.

I think somehow people feel more 'safe' expressing emotion when someone famous has died. Think of the massive outpourings of grief when Diana died.

My mum died when I was a teenager and the reactions of some of my friends were somewhat odd. The same people who a few years earlier were crying buckets over Kurt Cobain, holding candlelit vigils etc.

Sorry for your loss- losing a parent or sibling at any age is heartbreaking

Thank you everyone.

I'm one like your DP. It's not that I don't empathise, it's just that I have no idea how to act or what to say or feel or DO past cuddles and physical help.

Facebook is empty and bare... you can post whatever there. It's not real so it's easier.

I get that but surely anyone would know why you were crying on the day of your mums funeral. I know I should let that comment go but I just can't.

I really sympathise. Not quite the same, but I completely went to pieces recently at my grandma's funeral (my mum's mum). DH couldn't comprehend it at all. I had to explain that the death of my gran was obviously bringing up a lot of memories and emotions connected to the death of my mum when I was young. And the fact that she was a lovely gran and another connection to my mum. He still didn't get it. But then he's in the fortunate position of never experiencing the death of someone close.