WIBU to pay the insurance bill my DH is insisting I don't need to?

[BabyLabyrinth]

Last October, DH decided to change who was in charge of our various insurance policies. He transferred all policies, including my personal liabilty insurance (I'm in Germany, it's mandatory to have this), to a new insurance broker, but didn't actually cancel my original policy.

I didn't know this. He said it was all sorted. (He is German, I am not; he is generally in charge of these sorts of things in our marriage, so I trusted him.)

Then I got a reminder letter for the bill (due in October). He told me that as we had actually missed the cancellation period, we would just not pay the bill and the insurance company would terminate our contract, and that would be that. I queried him, but was told it was all fine and that's how things worked here.

Fast-forward to now, and I have just received another letter stating that, unless I pay the outstanding bill plus the fees incurred for the reminder letters, they will terminate our contract with notice and reserve the right to send around debt collectors.

I got in a panic and asked DH what on earth was going on. Instead of explaining anything, he got cross with me and told me I should just trust him. I burst into tears and asked him again to explain why I shouldn't worry about this, but he just said that his new insurance broker assured him it would all be fine.

He is currently meeting with this insurance broker this afternoon about another matter. I asked him if he would get the broker to ring me and explain to me exactly why it's ok not to pay this bill, but I have had no response.

I don't understand why a company would allow me to not pay this bill. We entered into a contract; therefore, I have to pay it. If they send round debt collectors, I would be terrified. We have the money, so it's not that. I am also 36 weeks pregnant and have a toddler to look after all day, so I am pretty exhausted and really could do without this extra stress.

WIBU to just pay the bill, even though I know he will go mad? This is all in my name, and I don't want a problem on my records saying I don't pay bills.

Poor you . I'd pay it, and bear this in mind before trusting your DH to take care of admin/financial stuff in future.

I think he's screwed up and like a child, doesn't want to admit it!

tbh, I'd pay the bill and say look, clearly you stuffed up but this is MY credit. MY name and I am not willing to live with this worrying me.

Are you afraid of him? You describe someone who is bullying and controlling. He just told you... he got cross with you... he'll go mad. What he says goes?

That's not right, you know. It's a partnership of equals and if you want to pay a damned bill that's in your name, you should be able pay it without being afraid of what your partner will say!

He just called to say that the broker is going to email me and explain why I really don't need to pay it and that the insurance company is full of hot air.

We shall see.

In the meantime, I've written down all the details of how/what/when to pay, just in case the letter goes "missing". I've spent the afternoon trying to find the other letters and I can't.

I'm not afraid of him, but I really don't deal well with conflict or confrontation, especially at the moment. He can get very angry and stroppy, although we are working on that problem. (He admits it and knows it's very bad for our marriage. He was brought up by a very domineering sexist racist asshole father.)

You say he's stroppy and angry and "we" are working on that problem. What do you mean "we"? How can you work on his anger? Do you think he has thrown the other letters away?

Why don't you simply write to or phone the insurance company yourself?

I'm German and I've never heard about an insurance company just waiving the bill. I recommend you pay asap.

and cancel the policy by formal letter. I can inbox you a template or you can google them.

Really, someone? That would be really helpful if you could send me something. Thank you very much. I can speak German fine, but when it comes to official letters I get a bit stuck.

I'm sure he hasn't thrown the other letters away. He's far too organised! (That sounds funny now.) He's filed them away somewhere not obvious to me, I imagine.

Well, I'm helping him with his anger issues by talking through his various problems with him. He's changed a lot in the years we've been together - all for the better - and he understands the effect his childhood and his parents had on him.

Baby I'll send you something shortly

Thank you!

And sent, let me know, if you have a problem receiving it. First time I used mn messaging system

It's worked fine, thank you so much!

I assume he thinks that by default if you don't pay your premium then your policy is automatically cancelled.

Might be true.

I agree with Someone. They are not just going to let the debt drop. Use Someone's letter to cancel the policy and settle the bill. You could end up with a Schufa-Eintrag, which is not a nice thing to have (for example, landlords often ask for a Schufa record from potential tenants). The way you describe your h, and his strange insistence on it all being OK with this bill, part of me wonders whether he knows that and is aiming to spoil your credit rating in order to keep you more dependent on him :( He does sound terribly controlling and difficult to live with.

I would get in touch with the company, explain that you are confused and get the info, then pay up, apologise and sort things out. If your H gets angry about you sorting out your own affairs, he is being very unreasonable.

Would take much more charge of your own financial affairs.

Would also recommend a read of "why does he do that" by Lundy Bancroft. Having a bad chilhood is not an excuse for being difficult, and since the anger problem is his HE should be seeking (outside) help, changing etc, not leaning on/taking things out on you.