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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not have a fixed stairgate at the top of the stairs?

38 replies

Thurlow · 17/01/2014 14:44

I did start a thread in Chat about this but it was stupidly waffly so if anyone recognises it, ignore it!

Trying to make a decision so I know whether I need to go shopping at the weekend hence starting another thread here and in no way am I also killing time on my last day at work

WIBU to only have a travel stairgate at the top of the stairs with a toddler? Toddler is not actually interested in the stairs at all, it'd be more to prevent any confused wobbling and not paying attention. The reason for a travel gate is stupid, impossibly narrow stairs so can't fix one there, and the only place we can fix one (where it currently is) parcels off different rooms in a very awkward way.

OP posts:
IShallCallYouSquishy · 17/01/2014 14:55

YANBU

If it makes you feel better I have no stair gates and live in a 3 storey house. I also don't have locks on cupboards etc. All cleaning chemicals are on a top shelf of 2metre shelving unit. No plug socket covers or door stopper things either.

DD stops at top of the stairs and waits for me and hasn't once climbed stairs without me with her.

DC2 due in 6 weeks so might have to re visit the gates thing though at some point especially when we decide it's right time to take sides off DD's cot so she could escape in the night!

AMumInScotland · 17/01/2014 15:00

I think you have to balance up how much of a risk you think there is - what's your child like, what are the stairs like, what is the 'landing surface' at the bottom like. And also consider what else you can do to either reduce the risk - eg teaching your child to wait, teaching them to go up and down in a safe way, etc.

Most of us grew up in houses without stairgates, I'm guessing, and most of us managed not to do ourselves any serious harm. That doesn't mean just ignore things you can do to make your house safe, but equally you don't have to do everything if it doesn't make sense.

Josie314 · 17/01/2014 15:09

I wouldn't personally because i think it could give you (and any potential babysitter) a false sense of security. We don't have a gate at the top of the stairs, and just make sure to watch our DD when she is near them. She recently started climbing on the gates we have downstairs, and one of them gave way and fell. If that gate had been on the stairs, it could have really hurt her. Just because your toddler isn't interested now doesn't mean they won't become interested!

Waltonswatcher1 · 17/01/2014 15:10

Three storey house here too and no stair gates .
Toddler is two and never fallen . She has never attempted to climb them alone,her mates all head straight for them as they all have gates and so have never learnt not to .
I had them with other children and they had both fallen when the stair gate was accidentally left open.
I am not too proud to change my mind though and will pop some on if things change!

Original poster
Thurlow · 17/01/2014 15:10

I think that is why I am torn. Our stairs are steep and at the bottom is wood, so not great if she did fall. But she's wary of them. It's an awkward narrow gap at the top of the stairs - old Victorian terrace so it's a tight t-junction. We've moved her into a different room so she walks straight out of her room onto what is essentially the top step. We can only used fixed stairgates on her door and the end of the landing, which means she doesn't get free reign of upstairs - which slightly defeats the purpose of her moving rooms so she gets a playroom, not a boxroom.

I could put the travel stairgate up and watch like a hawk and do lots of "no" so that she learns, which she tends to do quite quickly.

I'm just slightly worried about that 1% chance of her finally climbing out of her cot - which she's not shown any interest in doing - getting the door open and stumbling down the stairs...

OP posts:
SPsMrLoverManSHABBA · 17/01/2014 15:11

I don't have one. I did have one at the bottom bit that came off the day I feel down the stairs and knocked it off the wall like a bowling balls hitting skittles.

I haven't had any for a year or more.

TheBookofRuth · 17/01/2014 15:11

We couldn't find any stairgates to fit our stairs, so we taught her to climb them safely. Seems to be working ok so far.

Mumof3xx · 17/01/2014 15:13

I would put one on her door tbh

We recently found our four year old half asleep early hours off the morning just stood at the top of our stairs looking very unsteady

TheBookofRuth · 17/01/2014 15:17

Oh yeah, we are planning on putting one on her door once we take the sides off her cot - she would have to cross the top of the stairs to get to our room, and I think that's a risk too far.

SarahAndFuckTheResolutions · 17/01/2014 15:17

Would a travel one be secure enough?

We had a travel one in a passageway at our old house to stop the dog getting to the front door and it would move and sometimes tilt if you bumped against it, even just very gently. It wouldn't have been safe at the top of the stairs.

A fixed one wouldn't do that, but as you say you can't have one it might be safer not to bother at all.

WeddingComingUp · 17/01/2014 15:18

I don't know how people manage without one tbh. Not so much for a 2 year old who could be trusted to wait - but what do you do with a baby? Mine would have free run to crawl around upstairs from 6 months which wouldn't have been possible without a gate.

Waltonswatcher1 · 17/01/2014 15:18

I would try watching like a hawk and trying no for a few weeks and judge then. And I mean a hawk!
To be honest my other two are older and she has learnt from effectively four 'big' people,I think that has helped. If you shut the door at night then it won't matter if there's a cot escape surely?

Original poster
Thurlow · 17/01/2014 15:18

We've really tried with teaching her to go down the stairs sensibly and most of the time she does it, but they are ludicrously steep so really not very manageable for a toddler. Plus she has a fascination with the handrail which is too high and knocks her off balance! But generally she isn't ever on the stairs without us, it's planning for the freak occurrence.

I think, mumof3, I am missing the obvious. I had wanted a gate at the top of the stairs so she can play in her room while we're doing stuff in our room or the study, but equally I was worried about nighttime. However I could put the gate over her door, find a way to prop it open during the day to allow her free reign, and just lock it again at night. Then I can put the travel gate up at the top of the stairs as an extra deterrent.

Not entirely sure why that idea didn't occur to me before Blush

OP posts:
MrsMarigold · 17/01/2014 15:19

Our house has a central staircase and is over five levels - we have never had stair gates and have two DC aged 16 months and two and a half. They go up and down on their own.

Waltonswatcher1 · 17/01/2014 15:19

Had none as a baby either! That's why it's worked-learnt from day one and drummed into her before she could crawl.

Original poster
Thurlow · 17/01/2014 15:21

The door she can get open! Hence the worry.

walton I agree, it's only now she's turning 2 that I have any confidence in her interests and movements, up until now the gate was a necessity - but as she was in a different room it was fenced off.

The travel gate she is actually used to as we used it downstairs for the kitchen, so she doesn't really see it as a temptation to play and poke it, she sees it as a barrier. But I also agree it could be worse than useless. I'll see how tightly I can make it fit.

OP posts:
JennySense · 17/01/2014 15:22

Never had stairgates myself and lived in very old house and learnt not to fall down stairs. Just removed ours as DD has just turned 7 - go figure...

MoominsYonisAreScary · 17/01/2014 15:29

We have one on the toddlers room instead of the top of the stairs

cornflakegirl · 17/01/2014 15:31

I think 2 was around the time that we took the stairgates down. They're past the baby escaping stage, and they also have some appreciation of danger.

Not sure I'd use a travel gate at the top of the stairs with a toddler - much more risk of it being pushed over. Maybe on the bedroom door, but we didn't bother with ours. But then neither ever attempted to climb out their cots or wander around at night.

AMumInScotland · 17/01/2014 15:58

The bedroom door idea sounds like a good one if her door opens almost onto the stairs.

Mumof3xx · 17/01/2014 16:22

I used to have a m&p gate which if you put the lock on while open could be pushed open easily as did not fully shut

lanbro · 18/01/2014 07:01

Ee have one at the bottom but the one at the top hasn't been replaced since it came out of the wall! Our 22mo is in a bed and as yet has never thought to get out. She is excellent up and down stairs and knows not to go downwwithout me. I might replace it when our 4mo is on the move but will play it by ear!

londonchick · 18/01/2014 08:56

I have nursed a number of poorly children who have fallen down a flight of stairs quite accidentally when there has been no stair gate including one with a fractured skull who was very sick indeed. Accidents happen easily and in a split second so I'm afraid I have to say YABU.

Original poster
Thurlow · 18/01/2014 09:55

Yeah, I know Sad I've put the stairgate on her door but I'm less.convinced by the whole setup. Might just have to watch like a hawk till we can find the money for a retractable one, as that's the only thing that will fit on our stairs

OP posts:
LlamaLover · 18/01/2014 09:57

Try one like this

We got ours from Ebay for around £50 each and will sell on for the same. No bar at the bottom to trip over and fit all sorts of awkward shapes and sizes.