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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To avoid this increasingly selfish "friend"?

18 replies

sickoflistening · 17/01/2014 13:18

First to say I have namechanged as this "friend" is a mumsnetter.

Ok, I have been friends with X for approx. 30 of our 40 years. We are the same age, have very similar lifestyles and our families are close friends also. I have 5 dc and she has 1. we are both SAHM's

X had a miscarriage approx. 2 yrs ago which was devastating for her. when she found out she was pregnant she was gutted as she didn't want more than one child but as time went on she became quite excited about a baby. So when she lost it she was gutted. Myself and indeed all who know her rallied round and helped her get past it and move on. I took her dd to let her rest etc and we all did as much as we could to help her.

FF 2 years and she is still expecting the help to continue. She always asks her family to mind dd for her so she can go shopping or out with friends. if they say no she throws a strop and feels sorry for herself. she constantly and I mean constantly talks about herself. She shops all the time and then boasts about how much things cost. she has employed a cleaner despite having 1 child and being a sahm. If I try to talk about something other than her or her life she changes the subject back to her. She makes everything like a competition if I have had a restless night she has had 2.. its ridiculous.

anyway she rings me morning for a chat, this morning I mentioned I needed some new shorts for a holiday I go on in 2 weeks. she brushed over it or so I thought and we ended up talking about the holiday she is just back from, well she has just called in to show me the new shorts she has bought!!!! she said she didn't need them just fancied them?????? Fuck that, were do u even buy shorts at this time of year......

I know this is petty but im so bored with it. I am gonna cool the friendship a little,,,,,, is that BU?

OP posts:

Bogeyface · 17/01/2014 13:23

YABU to think that just namechanging will protect you. Given the amount of info you have posted, she will know exactly who you are and that you are talking about her!

YANBU to cool it if you feel that she is not so much a friend but using you as the audience to her life.

WallyBantersJunkBox · 17/01/2014 13:25

You're a grown adult. It's up to you to make this decision. You don't seem to have listed any pros so if you feel life would be better without her in it, then cool it off.

SofaKing · 17/01/2014 13:27

I'd cool it, she sounds like too much hard work.

Or you could be an evil friend instead, 'I love your shorts! They are perfect for flattering larger bottoms, where did you get them?'

CaptainHindsight · 17/01/2014 13:34

Are you PlainJane1980s friend?

jeee · 17/01/2014 13:35

You don't like her, so she's not your friend. Why agonize over your reasonableness/unreasonableness?

WallyBantersJunkBox · 17/01/2014 13:36

Captain - is she going to admit it, even if she is?

Original poster

sickoflistening · 17/01/2014 13:42

Jeee, I have been close friends with her for so long now that we are a large part of each others lives. I just wasn't sure if these were good enough reasons to cool it. I used to love her like a sister but recently shes been so self obsessed and seems to be taking the piss by expecting all the sympathy and handholding to continue indefinitely.. she seems convinced the world is all about her!!!!!!!!

Captain.... no im not. lol

OP posts:

CaptainHindsight · 17/01/2014 13:44

There are some bloody strange threads going about recently Wally

CaptainHindsight · 17/01/2014 13:47

The wasn't for your comment Wally merely an observation.

Original poster

sickoflistening · 17/01/2014 13:47

Captain, I have been around long enough to recognise that face and the significance of it. I also just searched the plainjane thread and cant believe the similarities. It backs up my theory that somepeople and im not blanketing everyone, but some people who experience tragedy become so engrossed in their own self that they forget the world is still turning outside their bubble.

OP posts:

CaptainHindsight · 17/01/2014 13:49

Apologies if I got you wrong sickof - the similarities were too significant to not ask.

WallyBantersJunkBox · 17/01/2014 13:50

No problem.

There are strange things afoot here on MN, I completely agree.

I just didn't think she'd say yes!

NynaevesSister · 17/01/2014 13:51

If you've been friends your whole life and she hasn't always been like this then why haven't you talked to her about it?

MrsSteptoe · 17/01/2014 13:53

OP, I would seriously consider the likelihood of your friend recognising herself in your thread despite your name change.

I have often got entangled with people who just aren't interested in anyone other than themselves, and I usually drift away after a couple of years. It sounds like your friend has been around for much longer, but I'm interested in the implication that you either didn't notice her self-centredness in the earlier years of your friendship, or the implication that she has become self-centred. My feeling is that those who are prepared to be interested in their friends' lives are that way naturally, even if they go through selfish phases.

So years ago, was your friend more interested in you, or if you look back - has she always been like this?

Original poster

sickoflistening · 17/01/2014 14:00

MrsSteptoe, I spoke to mu dh about it loads of times and he thinks shes always been like this, ie always chooses restaurants, always the one to offer constructive criticism, and spoilt by mummy and daddy. but I think it has gotten worse recently because it is at a point where I am embaressed for her and her behaviour is dreadful. Eg another friends having major life changes at present and when we went to visit her X spent the whole time talking about herself.

I have no idea how to talk to her about this. She is a very big personality and I have no idea how she will react..I suppose the cowards way is to cool it. I maybe should try talking to her but if im honest the thought scares me a little. where do I start?

PS yes I know Mumsnet is full of unusual postings and posters. I guarantee im real and so is this situation. x is a lurker but a rare visitor so I think I will be safe enough. she knows my other nickname

OP posts:

MrsSteptoe · 17/01/2014 17:05

Well, I've always drifted away from people who do this rather than confronting it, so I guess I can't speak from experience. TBH, my feeling is that if someone doesn't naturally want to know how other people are and only wants to talk about themselves, then that's the way they are, so I don't really want to be friends with them - but maybe I'm a little too pessimistic about the potential for change?
If you did decide to talk to her about it, it might sound odd but I would suggest that it would be less of a drama if it is during the day. I usually find that these things get too intensely dramatic and overblown at night, particularly if wine is involved!

Pigsmummy · 17/01/2014 17:17

I was thinking Plain Janes friend too!

Op you don't have to cool it as she will read this and give you a wide berth.

Did the Plain Jane thread get zapped btw?

gordyslovesheep · 17/01/2014 17:32

plain jane thread was deleted - due to hq suspecting it was a banned member ...

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