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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

No idea if I was unreasonable here

53 replies

naughtylist · 17/01/2014 00:05

Long story short. I spent 2 hours in the car today with 3 week old baby. We got lost and could not stop. Baby was very hungry. We eventually found our destination and I was extremely stressed out and had only had 3 hours sleep. Plonked 2 year old in high chair and started feeding a very distressed Ds whilst my mum went to get us a drink. I just felt so relieved to be sitting down feeding him.

Within minutes, a woman came over and said quite forthrightly that she was sorry but she had just gone to the bar to order food for that table so we would have to move. She had two children with her aged around 4 and 6. I just looked at her and said 'can you just ask them to order your food to another table'?. She looked at me aghast, like she wanted to murder me, told her kids to sit at the other table and not move while she spoke to the bar staff. Then she kept glaring at me for the rest of the meal.

Was I wrong?

OP posts:
curlew · 17/01/2014 10:05

" That table was preoccupied!"

I wonder what was on it's mind?

limitedperiodonly · 17/01/2014 10:31

I would have sighed and asked you to tell the waitress where I was sitting when she came over with my food.

I would never leave my coat unattended. People steal coats. They're less likely to steal a 6 year old.

Pigsmummy · 17/01/2014 10:36

In your position I would have pulled over to feed baby, even a car park or side road, that's such a young baby with a tiny tummy, I wouldn't let baby cry in hunger.

However re the table, it's happened to me when I have been on my own travelling for work and I either went back to the till and asked them to change table numbers or sat on the next table and watched for the food to arrive. So yanbu on that front

Finola1step · 17/01/2014 10:42

Empty table = free table

Floggingmolly · 17/01/2014 10:52

You haven't explained why you "could not stop" on the journey to feed your starving baby, op. Of course you could Hmm

kotinka · 17/01/2014 10:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Thurlow · 17/01/2014 10:55

Yes, let's focus on why the OP didn't stop the car to feed her baby on the roadside... Hmm

You weren't wrong, especially if there were other tables. However I would say the other woman wasn't 100% wrong either - she probably saw an empty table, checked the number and then went to order, and then by a tiny bad bit of luck you sat down on that one table. You weren't wrong to sit there but she probably wasn't wrong to have ordered before sitting either.

Thurlow · 17/01/2014 10:57

You know when people complain that AIBU is not just a 'robust' forum but it's turning into a total bitch-fest for no reason? It's because of comments like yours, flogging. AIBU doesn't mean "pick apart everything that an OP says, find one small comment, and decide to lay into them on the basis of that."

kotinka · 17/01/2014 11:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Floggingmolly · 17/01/2014 11:02

Op's whole gripe was based on the immediate necessity to feed the baby, as she unable to stop en route...

kotinka · 17/01/2014 11:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lovecat · 17/01/2014 11:07

Ignore flogging. I've got lost once, thankfully not with DD in the car, and there was literally nowhere to stop for over an hour. No laybys, no 'car parks' (this was the A120/A130 junction in Chelmsford, suddenly I found myself en-route to Tilbury without anywhere to stop, had to drive all the way there and then it was the A13, so not many places to pull off there either!).

Yes the baby was not literally 'starving'. However it was hungry and the fact was if the baby was distressed, it would have made the OP all the more desperate just to sit down and get some food inside him.

I'm with Thurlow Hmm

Lovecat · 17/01/2014 11:08

Oh, ffs, now we can't use a figure of speech in case we upset the babies that are really starving? Like they have access to MN? Confused

kotinka · 17/01/2014 11:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

shoofly · 17/01/2014 11:15

You were not being unreasonable. She was a bit. The people on here spoiling for a fight are too.

Thurlow · 17/01/2014 11:19

suddenly I found myself en-route to Tilbury

That sounds like the start of a great story Grin

Lovecat · 17/01/2014 11:19

:o If only - it was very boring...

Floggingmolly · 17/01/2014 11:34

I wasn't implying the baby was actually bloody starving Hmm.

That appeared to be what the op was implying, when she explained how her need for the table trumped everybody else's.
Her main angle was not so much that she had a right to sit there because the other woman had left the table unattended, but that she had to feed the baby urgently.

Original poster
naughtylist · 17/01/2014 12:19

I don't need to justify why I couldn't stop. That's not what I am asking about in my topic nor did I ever imply my baby was 'starving' or that my need for the table trumped everyone elses. That's why I asked the question for god's sake. Baby was not screaming for the whole 2 hour journey, just the last 20 minutes. Thankyou everybody else for your replies.

OP posts:
Bankholidaybaby · 17/01/2014 12:28

You were not being unreasonable. If the lady failed to indicate in any way that she had chosen that table, how on earth were you supposed to know? I have often had to arrive early at a pub to guard a table for a pub quiz, and if I wanted to go to the bar, I would leave one or two things like a scarf, cardigan, coat, shopping bag, book, umbrella... Anything bar my handbag really to show others that the table was being used.

Crinkle77 · 17/01/2014 14:42

YANBU. If I had picked a table but left it empty while I went to order I would just think it was my own tough luck. She should have at least put her coat on it

RufusTheReindeer · 17/01/2014 14:50

I don't think you were in the wrong at all

But I can understand why she was a bit put out, she shouldn't have taken it out on you though as it want your fault at all. Just one of those irritating things

YANBU

shootingstar1234 · 17/01/2014 14:53

No, you weren't being unreasonable. If she'd not indicated the table was 'hers' in any way then how were you meant to know? She should have just sat on another spare table and been pleased she'd done her good deed for the day :D

Abra1d · 17/01/2014 14:56

MN is becoming completely OTT about adjectives and nouns. Every week, the forbidden list becomes longer and longer.

HyvaPaiva · 17/01/2014 14:58

It's so awkward in those order-using-table-number-at-bar places because you have to leave your table. But she should have left something there to show it was occupied, like a coat or something (if it wasn't likely to be taken or moved).

It wasn't your fault, it's the stupid system of leaving your table to order yet needing the table number for the order. She shouldn't have glared at you, she should've left something and/or complained about the annoying ordering system.

YANBU but I can see her annoyance.