or is my DS?

[Rooraboodles]

My ds is 14 and has asked for a lock on his bedroom door. I initially said no but that we would respect his privacy and knock if his door was closed.
He has said that he won't lock his door overnight (which was one of my concerns) but is fed up of people (his younger brothers and his dad - mainly his dad) who forget the knocking and just waltz in!

My son is pretty open (no passwords on phones etc) and talks to me a lot so I don't think he wants to be secretive just to have some privacy.

I don't like the idea at all - he can have 'meltdowns' and I have told him that this is one of the reasons I am not keen. We have also had problems with school refusal and I can see him just locking himself in!

Does anyone else have locks on doors? It is not something we had at home when I was growing up so would appreciate some views.

AIBU to say no to a lock on his door?

Deffo just wants a secure place to wank, let him have it OP!

Agree with taking it away if he breaks your rules though.

School refusal would be the decider for me, I couldn't allow it.
But it's really easy to stop people entering without notice by putting a cloth or towel down immediately behind the door; will take effort to open the door, prevents full sudden entrances.

I wonder about your dS getting charging 20p to siblings and £1 each time a parent enters without knocking. That should get everyone to change their habits.

Bathroom locks are very easy to open from the outside. My 3 y o can do it with a Peppa Pig hair clip. So I'd go for one like that if the knocking doesn't work.

What is it people keep going to his room for?

I have two teens & tbh when they've gone to their rooms I tend to leave them to it!

My sister did but there was a huge age gap and mum and dad wanted her to be able to keep her things safe from a toddler. Or to keep me safe from little beads lying around or whatever.

She had a slide bolt lock on the outside, but ok the inside only a very flimsy hook lock. I think the idea being she couldn't really lock herself in as you could force the door if you really wanted too.

Would something like that do since he just wants people to knock first?

diddl, too right

What is it people keep going to his room for

Well, diddl in the case of my 14yo DS, if my plate rack and glass cupboard start looking a bit empty I think "Time to brave the squalor that is DS room"

And I'm sure I'm not alone

It's too late now, but we have had a policy that we never go into each other's bedrooms without permission if the door is shut. And that starts from as soon as they are old enough to want to be in their bedrooms alone with the door shut.

I think it will just take some adjusting and realising (and respecting) the fact that he is getting older. We have always had doors open and I will just stick my head around the door and say hi. Obviously he doesn't want mum to be doing this too much which I understand and respect.

Agree with the build up of cups etc and have told DS that he will have to clear up and put things away and that is part of the deal.

Younger ones only go in to borrow something or talk to him which sometimes he doesn't mind but lately he just likes his own space more. There is isn't really any reason for anyone to go into his room.

I think it is just one of the changes of a growing family isn't it? You know how the same age gap between siblings can seem quite small but then all of sudden it's as if there is a much bigger gap as the older one moves on a bit.

Sigh!

Younger one said, "Why does he want his door closed?" Think that is a conversation for another time!!

Glad we can discuss things between us though and he is ( for now at least) quite reasonable!

"if my plate rack and glass cupboard start looking a bit empty"

That's when I either shout up the stairs, or bang knock on the door & demand ask that stuff be brought down.

"Why does he want his door closed?" -but sometimes you just want to have some peace-& it's also about wanting some control & respect, I think.

When I was 14 I had no tv or computer but just wanted to read or listen to records(!!) in peace.

Why are people assuming that he only wants peace and privacy in order to masturbate? I want peace and privacy for all sorts of other reasons-including "just because I do". And if his little siblings have been allowed to pester him at will all this time, I'm not surprised he wants to lock his door. Because he has never had the experience of being able to say "go away" when someone knocks. Which is the perfect right of anyone old enough to want their door shut.

I would be concerned more about him watching inappropriate stuff on phone/computer/TV. I assume you don't have locks on your bedroom door, and this could be pointed out to him.