Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

to not want to hire a gown and a silly hat to wear for my graduation this summer?

94 replies

vinisque · 16/01/2014 15:59

Just that really. I am in the final year of my fine art degree and have been discussing the snobby tradition of graduates wearing the cap and gown with my fellow students. We were talking about making our own graduation clothing when our tutor told us that we are not allowed to wear our own, we have to hire the university cap and gown. If this is true I will be so annoyed I don't think I will bother going to my own graduation ceremony. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:

AuntieStella · 16/01/2014 16:29

YABU to attempt to substitute different clothing for a correct cap and gown (though if you know an academic who can lend you the correct items. You don't have to hire).

YWNBU to decline attending the formal ceremony as you do not agree with aspects of it.

MaidOfStars · 16/01/2014 16:30

YABU. But YANBU for a reactionary student. Or my Mum. She so rallied against the pomp and circumstance at my second graduation that she tried to tie the fur tails of the hood in front of her to the chair back....Could have been a response to the fur, I suppose or the glut of champagne quaffed beforehand

MaddAddam · 16/01/2014 16:30

Yanbu, just don't go. You won't miss much.

I went to my first graduation but only because it was like a reunion with my friends, about 6 months on after we'd all been abroad etc. And I already had a cap and gown so it didn't cost anything. The ceremony was utterly boring and unmemorable.

Didn't bother with my phd graduation, I didn't have any friends graduating at the same time.

motherinferior · 16/01/2014 16:35

I did in fact graduate, for my first degree - in absentia - but only because I needed the certificate to register for my second one. If I had gone, it would never have occurred to me to mention the fact to my parents.

lifeinthefastlane1 · 16/01/2014 16:36

YABU Coming from mums perspective of graduate, I was so proud to sit in the audience and see my son receive his degree, yes you look a twat in the cap and gown and yes it is a tedious ceremony , but before you decide not to attend please ask any family members who were hoping to see you graduate if they mind you not going, I would have been totally gutted not to see my boy in his cap and gown its kind of like the final page of parenting before your child becomes a "real" adult. sorry if that sounds cheesy.

notso · 16/01/2014 16:37

I don't 'get' graduations. It's like pupil of the week or something for adults and you have to pay for it
PIL were most put out that DH didn't go to his and that we didn't watch the live streaming of SIL's.

However if you want to go to yours YWBU to miss it because you can't make your own clothes. You sound like a 5 year old.

ThoughtFox · 16/01/2014 16:38

It's lovely seeing all the graduating students filling the streets, though - all the parents and siblings look so proud, and the gowned and capped student is at the heart of every family group.

Twitterqueen · 16/01/2014 16:41

You have a duty to yourself, your parents and to any future offspring you may have to wear the gown and hat and have a photo. And I'm kind of only half - joking

It's one of life's markers. You may not want it now but it's like a wedding photo or new house/car photo.

But hey - if you don't want to go, then don't!

BarryBarry · 16/01/2014 16:42

You're going to get to do this very few times in your life. It's all part of it to wear the traditional clothes. Just don't go if you don't like it.

MisguidedAngel · 16/01/2014 16:43

I didn't go to mine, but only because I thought I'd failed (I got a 2:1!). I was a (very) mature student so didn't have to worry about my parents' feelings. I'd quite like to have a photo of myself in cap and gown ....

motherinferior · 16/01/2014 16:43

I have to say my lack of a graduation photo has never occurred to me as a blight on my life. I like having my degrees, and I enjoyed studying for them and I'm proud of the work that particularly went into my second one, but a photo? Why?

motheroftwoboys · 16/01/2014 16:43

As a parent I was very disappointed when DS1 chose not to attend the graduation ceremony. I wasn't even aware it had happened. DS2 (in his second year) promises he will "do the deed" if he manages to pass.

FetchezLaVache · 16/01/2014 16:45

YABU. It is a load of bollocks, but the cap and gown are part of the deal, so if you don't want them then just don't bother going. I didn't bother the second time round and I only went the first time because I'd promised my primary school headteacher when I was 10 that I would invite him to my graduation.

CailinDana · 16/01/2014 16:47

In the uni where I did my first degree the men stopped wearing mortar boards to graduation in the early 20th century as a protest against women being allowed to attend the uni. To this day only the women wear mortar boards, it's a fucking "tradition." Nice eh?

motherinferior · 16/01/2014 16:52

If you think it might be a chance to meet up with your friends, it might be fun. On the other hand if you suspect it's likely to be a rather pointless and embarrassing exercise and you won't get to see anyone because they're surrounded by their parents, I wouldn't bother.

FortyDoorsToNowhere · 16/01/2014 16:52

I think the uni should have a whole cupboard full of freshly laundered caps and gowns, pay a returnable deposit. Uni is expensive the least they could do is a free ceremony.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 16/01/2014 16:52

Another one who doesn't like caps and gowns.

If it really bothers you don't. It's a silly tradition and expensive.

dannychampionoftheworld · 16/01/2014 16:55

YABU - either wear the gown or don't go. If you insist on turning up wearing something else you will look pretentious.

However you WNBU to simply not go. I didn't go to mine as it was too far to go and I was already working by that point. They are quite boring, apparently.

Topseyt · 16/01/2014 16:56

As the mum of an undergraduate at the moment, I would be very disappointed if my daughter decided to do this.

I remember my own graduation. I wore the get-up. Yes, it was quite tedious, but it made my parents soooo proud and we went out for a lovely meal afterwards.

You are being unreasonable, and rather silly. You won't look out of place amongst a whole hall full of students all wearing the same. It is part of the tradition.

specialsubject · 16/01/2014 16:57

I went because my parents and family wanted to see it, and as they had supported the whole thing I did it. And to be able to do the long-standing joke of handing over my degree and saying 'there's your receipt!'

it was a very dull day but I did it as as 'thank you' to my family and to mark the end of my dependent days.

if you do it, you have to wear the frock. If family aren't bothered and you aren't, don't go.

Dontwanttobeyourmonkeywrench · 16/01/2014 16:58

I didn't attend either of my graduations (2 degrees) but my lovely postman delivered both certificates and sang Congratulations as he handed them over

I did go to my DB's graduations and was bored stiff...I dozed off halfway through and was never so glad to see something end DB said he was bored too and they were playing games towards the end because it was a looooong ceremony

notso · 16/01/2014 17:05

motherinferior I agree. I am not a photo kind of person though, I've never printed out a single wedding photo. I didn't want a wedding though, just to get married.

Mrsmorton · 16/01/2014 17:07

If the graduation ceremony is elitist, isn't the whole process of university precisely the same? Elitist? In which case why didn't you make a stand against that and not get a degree?

Thetallesttower · 16/01/2014 17:09

I attended all my graduations bar my Masters and don't regret it. I didn't feel poncy at all and my family also loved it. My PhD graduation was much more moving than I thought it was going to be, with family and friends and husband celebrating.

You can do your own thing, or nothing, but I've had great experiences at graduation, even though loads haven't.

Lastofthepodpeople · 16/01/2014 17:10

I didn't go to mine. I'm a bit sorry now. I'm not that concerned myself, but I think my parents wanted it.

Flip

1 2 3 4