I appreciate that I am being unreasonable but it’s something that has been playing on my mind.
My post concerns a friend whom I met when we lived in Cambridge when I was at University and she lived there also (we met through work). After graduating, I stayed in Cambs for a couple of years and we saw each other quite frequently. She was always a bit of a disaster with relationships – very demanding, had (what I thought were) unreasonable expectations and was very highly strung although this trait never seemed to filter into her friendships. She is very nice company and I enjoy spending time with her. A few years ago I moved to London and we naturally saw less of one another but caught up regularly.
Nearly 3 years ago she met a man online. She was 30 and he was 65. The relationship moved along quite quickly and she moved to Bristol to live with him. I must confess to being a bit surprised if I’m honest. Anyway, I went to stay with her about 6 months later. I made an excuse about not taking my boyfriend with me (I was 26 at the time, as was my boyfriend, and whether it is immature or whatever, I felt a bit weird about making him spend time with a man I didn’t know who was almost as old as his Grandfather). The weekend was fine, he spent a lot of time with us. He’s quite, erm, sexual in the way he talks, uses the word ‘sexy’ a lot and just seems to fancy himself as some kind of irresistible raconteur. For one reason or another, I found it all a bit creepy and didn’t enjoy his company so much and had no real desire since to spend much time as a foursome. Anyway, all this meant was that we haven’t seen each other much (to be fair it isn’t that I have ignored requests from her, time has just passed by quickly). We have agreed that we must meet soon and I agree. I just would rather see her separately and don’t see why everything she does has to revolve around him (she recently told me she was unhappy with him in a call in the summer, but has since said that the situation is better). I would love time on my own with her but feel so unreasonable suggesting that we meet up for a ‘girls only’ weekend. AIBU? I wish I didn’t feel like this. I want her to be happy.