To have a moan about being a working lone parent urgh

[Back2Basics]

Work scores absence on the Bradford score factor.

As my 2 dc had chicken pox, tonsillitis and one dc had a stomach bug I had 3 periods of absence last year. Most of the time I did have a few days child care thanks to my nan but it was adhoc as she has a life to. So for instance with the chicken pox I had 2 days in work 2 days off 1 day back and similar the week after. That makes your Bradford score factor shit would of been better to just have 2 weeks unpaid off score wise.

I'm now on supervision because of this and was told I the same happens next year I won't have a job anymore.

None of this I could help, I have my nan who sometimes helps but isn't reliable, my dm works ft and let's not even go there about the dc dads.

The monthly team meetings have now been changed to where they finish at 8, I've been told I have to attend but again how am I supposed to fit it all in with picking dc up feeding them and then having to take them to the meeting and not getting home till half 8 on a school night.

I just cannot do it all argh and my boss said well I am a mother to I do understand... Apart from she's married, has parents who live around the corner who help out a lot and when the worst comes to the worst for her she brings her dd into work.

I do have plans to start my own buisness so hopefully I won't have this for much longer but ffs how am I supposed to manage if my start up doesn't work and my dc get ill a couple of times again this year.

How do other people manage?

Nobody else want to have a moan with me?

I don't need to moan with you, but you are clearly making a huge effort to do well by yourself and your children, so all credit to you for working when it's so difficult.

Props, it not easy, is it?

The only thing I can add is, cultivate friends. There are more swans paddling madly beneath the water, looking serene on top, than you think. So, the mum who struggles working from home, who would love a peaceful Saturday, or whatever, may be willing to step in in exchange. Or just a circle of similar mums paying it forward.

How old are the DC? Could an au pair sort it all out, and be a support for you?

Moan away, but you'll manage. We do, don't we? And probs for setting up a business, more strings to your bow, the better.

The Bradford Score is a pig. Are you a public sector worker? Do you have a contract that allows you to work flexibly?

I was a single parent for a number of years and ended up having to stop working as a nurse and take on a management position which had more regular hours because it just wasn't possible to cope. Whilst it is lovely that your boss understands the demands of parents, being married with children is a world away from being on your own with children.

I have nothing useful to suggest, I'm afraid, other than what nocheese says. You need a support structure for your own peace of mind.

Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you.

When I feel crappy about not helping the family finances as a SAHM ,I remind myself of the sort of horrors you describe.
I think you sound amazing-you remind me of my mum desperately trying to raise three kids as a lone parent whilst single handedly supporting us .
Will it help to say I am sure this year will be easier health wise? And that soon they will be old enough to grab their own paracetamol and hottie !
Good luck with starting up yourself -hope it goes really well .

The Bradford score is crap but I believe that it can be challenged fairly easily, particularly if you can produce evidence from a doctor that the illness was genuine.

I also think if they were to sack you then you might possibly have a case for sexual discrimination.

Ugh, ridiculous scoring things. I am lucky to have a nice employer, though have not had to have much time off so don't know what the trigger points are for investigation, but I have a lot of sympathy- people say 'oh sort out other childcare' and you're just left going wtf other childcare even exists?! I also have no family nearby to help, so that's not an option (this is what happens when you have a geographically mobile workforce so they should expect it!) There really is nothing you can do. Have you got a union? Could you talk to them or some kind of mediator about it because it seems horribly unfair that you could lose your job when you have actually been trying much harder than most people probably have to.

SeaSickSal - yes, I've heard that too. Definitely people who are classed as disabled under the Equality Act 2010 can make an argument that it should be disregarded.

Also, the way it tends to work you, it is lower if you have a long length of time off a few times, rather than one day's sickness more often. Total madness.

Oh I do have lovely friends and we do do swaps for childcare during school holidays which is great. But I couldn't dump my ill dc on them for them all to catch it, also my dc want to snuggle on the sofa and watch crap tv when they're ill not get dragged here there and everywhere.

Sorry for the pity party just feels so shit at the moment!

I hopefully won't be there to much longer, just absolutely crap knowing you normally go above and beyond for the company but yet there's no acknowledgment with flexibility when you need it.

Actually it's not even the company, before I transferred I worked in the same job different location and when dc were ill I was allowed to make up my hours and have time off in lue (sp?)

Fudgeface you understand perfectly! Really wtf other childcare is there at 8:30 on your way out the door and a dc pukes.

Back2Basics don't worry about the pity party - sometimes everyone needs to vent.

This is what I really worry about (am job hunting). The little family I have are abroad.

How can you ask a friend to have a dc who is in agony with chicken pox or vomiting?

Thank you Tudor! And yes the score factor is bonkers. It doesn't work and punishes you for trying.

Kits the last employer I had was really good for childcare emergencys and anytime I had something come up as I did unpaid overtime it wasnt a problem. This job is completely different.

Sympathy totally!! Almost felt like crying today.
Used to be a manager but got made redundant. Took an admin job cos near daughters school, flexi time policy etc. but I am away from home for two days next week and now they need me to do the same the week after :( This is after having spent 4 days away before Xmas. DD can stay with grandparents, but means she's not sleeping in her own bed with her own things and I don't get to be there for her at night :( Will have to say "no" though next time they ask.
Hugs for you x