Aibu to cut contact with my family ?

[route666]

Very long boring story but will try to post main points,
My parents are in mid 50's neither works father has medical
problems , mother is his carer (he milks them tbh).
I have 3 sisters the issue is they make no effort what so ever
to involve themselves in my life and I am beyond fed up of
doing all the running. I see them on average of twice a year
and they live 5 mins drive away, they drive and regularly pass
my house , they have been in my house once. The only time I
hear from them is when they need something like the grass
cut or alone of something. This annoys me but the main issue
is dd adores them , but they honestly couldn't care less thy
never see her or attend anything to do with her.She is nearly 6
and they have never babysat , I missed dhs parents funerals
as had no babysitter. For years I have put it down to them
just being shit parents and grandparent as they are much the
same with sister2 and her 3 kids, but since sister3 had her dd
thy have babysat every single weekend are watching her when
sister3 returns to work and constantly post photos and
statuses on dreaded Facebook. Would Ibu to delete them from
Facebook and not make contact again ? I am 36 weeks
pregnant and dd is undergoing assessment for ADD, so not
sure if right time to make this decision but tbh what do I have
to lose ? , also Aibu to feel like crying because dd will never
have a normal relationship with her grandparents , and if I cut
contact sisters3 and 1 will defend them to the death so will
have no contact with them either . Sorry its so long and
boring feel much better letting it out though.

Sorry you are going through so much. Can you think of a reason as to why they are this way towards you? Have you ever spoke to them about it?

CoffeeTea103 No idea, have thought of all obvious reasons but no answers. I have questioned it before and it cause massive family argument which lasted for over a year , I thought some contact was better than none so accepted it and backed down. They dont seem to see what they are doing as wrong , last time I spoke to them thy where bragging about what dneice had been doing no question about dd or the baby.

That must be very hurtful especially with the treatment of the gc so unfairly. Are you even close to one at least one of your sisters who could possibly tell you what's wrong.

I think you need to possibly try and have a heart to heart with them to try and find out why they make no effort with you. If it does all blow up, at least you know you tried to improve the relationship for the sake of your daughter (and future baby!)

What does your other sister think? Is she happy to go on with the way things are? Maybe the two of you could approach your parents together, strength in numbers type of thing!

CoffeeTea103 I am close to sister2 , she is in same postion as me see's them very rarely and they have little contact with her , she had ds3 4 months ago and they have seen him once she is very annoyed at them but isnt one to do anything about it.

Sammie101 I suppose I have nothing to lose , If i approach them again atleast I will feel better. Things might improve and if not then thy cant gt any worse. sister2 is upset today its her dhs uncles funural and she cant attend as no one to watch the baby, they are fully aware of it, other sister has just posted on facebook about being tired and they have offere to go get her dd for a few hours to let her sleep!

I would cut contact personally but try and stay in contact with your sister. So maybe sit her down and explain to her why. This is not healthy for your dd.

selfdestructivelady I would keep in contact with sister2 and any others who choose too, sister2 understand completely so I know she will support my desicion , its horrible when dd asks to visit or if they can take her out to the park or collect her from school like hers friend gps do . I dont want dd2 to go through this when she is older , dd knows they see sister baby alot and she has asked why she cant stay over , how do I explain that to a 5 year old :(. I wish dhs parents where still his dm passed away when dd was a baby but in the short time they had they where amazing his dm had terminal breast cancer yet still made the hour long bus journey 3 times a week to visit us all for cuddles with dd, I wish she had that now. His ddad passed away 3 years away but once again made so much of an effort to see dd.

Can you and DSis2 not support each other?

Do you live too far away for reciprocal babysitting?

I wouldn't confront your parents, I would just quietly distance myself.

Putting the parent issue aside I assume as you are on Facebook that you have friends. Your daughter is six so will have schoolmates. It cannot be that difficult to find a babysitter even if it means you have to pay someone.

Nanny0gg She lives not to far away but it takes 3 buses and over an hour and a half to get there if either of us could drive it would be much easier. I woukd babysit anytime she needs it but she doesnt want to put me out.

squeakytoy To be honet I have very little friends , most have moved away from our hometown. Dd has some friends at school but because of her "issues" is not exactly easy to get a stranger to look after her. And I dont think I could trust someone I barely know to look after her, luckily we vey rarely need to do things without her , dd2s birth is probably what worries me most but we will make it work.

I'm so sorry you and your little girl are going through this, it must be heartbreaking seeing her upset over this

If you do try and talk to them and it doesn't go well I think you'd be better off and happier not contacting them, they sound awful!

Seriously,go no contact.it's not going to be hard. Bin them off face book you will never hear from them again. Your dd May adore them but she will pick up on stuff as she gets older and may well be hurt by the unfairness.

Get onto the stately homes thread op you will find people in the same position as you. I tried for years with my family and only gave up when their behavior really was not acceptable and I couldn't take it any more. They have never tried to contact me so just be aware of that also forever is a long time and the pain does not stop with no contact. Life is an awful lot less stressful though but my family were aggressive bullies yours sound uncaring.

route, how about sitting on it for 6 months? Then either quietly fade away or tell them outright you're fed up.

Just not sure that 36 weeks preg is the right time to be making some emotionally-big decisions, or handling big arguments. There is nothign to loose by waiting?

OP it's hard to give advice on this but to answer your question YANBU to cut people out of your life who consistently make you feel unhappy.

It's really sad that you're dealing with this. Try to concentrate on all the good things, all the people who do love and appreciate you.

I think I'd send them some invites while deciding what to do. So invite them for tea on x date at x time. Invite them to the school performance on x day at x time. Then lastly ask her to babysit for a few hours on x day at x time. If they say no to all your invites, then decide to give them a bit of space rather then going non contact. Be polite and civil but move on with your life. Lower your expectations of them and see the humour in how crap they are. You may not be ready to do either of the last two suggestions just yet but try and work towards it.

It sounds like possibly the youngest child and grandkids are the favourite. Start seeing their disregard for your family as the grandparents loss. Make friends and deepen positive family relations. You will need to make an effort though.

Are there support groups for parents of kids with Similar needs? Maybe that's where you need to start making friends?

I'd drop them from Facebook. Currently they can keep up with your life with no effort at all through Facebook. You can leave the full no contact decision till later.

I wouldn't make such drastic decisions while pregnant or for a year after giving birth. The hormones are just off the charts and you might regret it later.