Socialising/Making Friends

[monkeytree]

Not sure where to post this one but wanted to hear other peoples point of view.

I am currently at home with a 3 month old baby. I have another child at school. I am on maternity leave and thought it might be difficult to be at home due to the lack of adult company. I really enjoy my job and time flies when I am at work before I know it I am picking my daughter up from school and I work 3 days a week so the whole thing seemed to work really well in terms of work life balance. I am currently on maternity leave until October this year or possibly February next year if I can extend it which I'd like to do for the baby.

The difficulty I am having is that I am finding it a huge adjustment being at home and filling my time. There is only so much you can do around the house but the thing that I really struggle with is the lack of adult company during the day.

I have made it my mission to invite at least one person to my house each week for coffee and so far this seems to be working but I have to say it all feels a bit one sided. Coming back from the school run I can be talking to one of the other mums for quite a while and be standing not far from where they live yet they don't seem to invite me in. It seems that the few new mums in my village have too much to do already and don't seem to have the same need as me. I have found a few lovely groups to go along to (the one in my village is starting up soon) and I hope to meet a few people this way but unfortunately a lot of the groups that are friendly etc seem to be run on the same day.

I was really fortunate when my first dc was born to have met a couple of lovely mums. I was living in a much busier area then and there was a really good postnatal group which drew people together (group has now closed). I don't live far out of a big city but you would think I lived in another county to some.

I don't know it all seems like hard work and all the effort is on my part at the moment. I find this a bit demoralising and maybe I am expecting too much and for someone to take me under their wing. I like routine and structure and I have totally lost this. I really enjoy my little baby and can spend lots of time just cuddling her and looking after her but it would also be lovely to do all of this in the company of others for just a couple of days a week. Anyone had experience of this?

I agree staying at home can be a bit boring at times, if I'm honest, I go to work for the company! If you are on maternity leave though, I would keep doing what you are doing, and join lots of groups.

And, in fairness, you will be going back to work in a year or so, so any new friends you make will see a lot less of you. They aren't really there just to fill your time (!) which is why I think groups and perhaps making one or two good friends that will last when you return to work may be the way to go.

Hi, I do sympathise as I moved house last year to a new area and had to start from scratch and it is daunting. I have to say that the school gate has been my saviour but..... it does take time and perseverance. I thought all I had to do was be friendly and nice, invite people for coffee etc... and that would be it. It's not I'm afraid but 12 months down the line I've got 2 or 3 good friends (children all in same class) and am starting to make some tentative new friendships with other women in the village who I think (hope) will become good friends. What I didn't account for was that other people have full and busy lives and don't always have time for coffee/chats as they have to get off to work and also some people aren't interested in making new friends - or maybe just having me as a new friend! You need to try to find someone you 'click with and take it from there - easier said than done I know. I did read it can take up to 18 months to really settle into a new area and from my own experience I'd say that's looking about right and I consider myself quite a confident, outgoing person who is more than happy to initiate a conversation with a stranger. However, I did find it quite lonely at first and still feel that way very occasionally now, although it is becoming less often.

FWIW I think you are doing all the right things and don't get dispirited because it seems all the effort is coming from you right now. Keep it up and I'm sure you will start to receive invitations back. Is there a mums & tots group you could go to, as that's probably a good place to make friends too? I see that a lot of the groups are all on the same day, I think maybe you should focus on 1 or 2 of them and put your efforts into those and think about expanding your social network once you've become established in those groups if you still feel the need. I've realised that just having a few really good friends is better than knowing everyone superficially. Hope this helps x