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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about this work situation?

18 replies

Peanate · 15/01/2014 06:39

I have a feeling this is going to come across rather petty, but here goes.

I work for a company of about 15 people, and there are three of us in my section. My boss, my assistant, and I'm in the middle. My bosses boss is the head of the company.

Very occasionally we are taken out either in groups or as a whole on an outing by one of our suppliers. This could range from a nice lunch, all the way up to an overseas trip for a couple of days. All expenses paid of course. The general rule of thumb is there is a pecking order for these big trips - the more senior you are, the more likely it is you will go. They are networking jollies as much as anything else. Juniors get lots of things such as industry parties just for them so it's not as if they are missing out. As an example everyone is going to a big concert on Friday (I'm the only one who can't go due to childcare but that's another rant!)

Anyway, I found out today that there are 6 invitations for a trip to a resort at the other end if the country. The head of our company has decided that the juniors never get to do anything, so my assistant and another at the same level get to have two of the spaces. My boss is going, which means I have to stay back to man the shop so to speak - and miss out. To put this in context, this is the first multiple day trip I would have been invited on in 6 years - that's how infrequent they are. Yes it's great that the young guys get to go, but I'm actually really pissed off that it's at the expense of me. My immediate boss is lovely and is totally willing to fight my corner to get me to go, but I've said it's ultimately up to the big boss who goes, and it's not me.

So yes, rather petty all up but the more I think about it the more fucked off I am. AIBU to be pissed about this??

OP posts:
Sirzy · 15/01/2014 06:57

Yabu and as you have admitted petty.

It is good that you have a boss who cares enough to try to give everyone a chance to enjoy the perks. You can't please everyone.

WipsGlitter · 15/01/2014 06:59

It's annoying but yes you are bring petty!

Bowlersarm · 15/01/2014 07:00

YANBU to be a little pissed off.

But the decision has been made. The reasons have been told to you. You need to brush feelings of resentment off, and get on with it.

Ragwort · 15/01/2014 07:02

Yes, you are being very petty. Surely developing your assistant's role and motivating him/her are part of your responsibilities anyway?

Are you slightly annoyed about this because you can't go to the concert?

By the way, hope these 'jollies' are declared for tax purposes Wink.

CoffeeTea103 · 15/01/2014 07:13

Yabu very petty. You sound difficult to work with if these types of issues get you bothered.

Original poster
Peanate · 15/01/2014 07:19

I'm not begrudging him the opportunity to go at all - in an ideal world we would all go. Two of the places are being taken up by senior people on the other side of the company who have nothing directly to do with this supplier. I deal with them on a daily basis, so it's our little department who need to nurture these relationships.

I guess I'm just a bit pissed that I've moved from our sister company (much bigger) into this small one, and where I was, I was always pipped at the post for any trips by the person immediately above me. It's almost like now it's my turn and I'm missing out again! I'm not pissed off with any one person, as it's great that my assistant will get to go, and great of my boss to give him the opportunity, it just sucks that I miss out!

It's nothing to do with the concert - I gave my ticket away. And WTF does tax declaration have to do with anything???

OP posts:
Original poster
Peanate · 15/01/2014 07:22

Oh, and at no point have I told anyone (other than you lot) my thoughts. On the contrary, I was extremely gracious to my immediate boss about it all - she was more disappointed for me than I was!

I'm a very easy person to work with - just ask the recipient of my concert ticket, or my assistant tomorrow when I show up with homemade cupcakes for his birthday!

OP posts:
BikeRunSki · 15/01/2014 07:24

Petty

Try not having a pay rise for 6 years, them missing out because you came back from mat leave 3 days later than the crucial date for appraisal.

FoxyHarlow123 · 15/01/2014 07:27

I think your company needs to totally rethink its approach to accepting these gifts from suppliers. It is not particularly ethical practice and under no circumstances would I partake in any of these events. They are effectively greasing your palm.

Ragwort · 15/01/2014 07:33

As Foxy says. Gift in kind do have to be declared for tax reasons. Your Company could be on very dodgy ground for accepting these gifts.

I have worked in a large, very well known company and all gifts had to be handed in and if anyone wanted to 'buy' the gift, they could bid for it with the money going to charity (and all recorded properly).

Jinsei · 15/01/2014 07:34

I think the tax declaration question was fair enough, actually. It all sounds decidedly dodgy to me!

That said, I think it's fair enough that the junior staff have a bite of the pie. YABU.

Joules68 · 15/01/2014 07:35

You can't find childcare for a concert so how would you for a few days away?

Original poster
Peanate · 15/01/2014 07:41

These things aren't gifts. Our parent company is one of the biggest multinationals there is. We have a very clear policy around jollies, and a strict anti bribery and corruption form we all have to sign. Everything is totally above board!

It's very common in my industry. Whenever the 'what perks do you get at work' threads appear, my industry would definitely appear in the more generous side of things.

Re childcare - DH is going to the same gig and he likes the bands playing more than I do. I had a choice of sorting s babysitter or not going. I chose to not go, no big deal.

Anyway, general consensus is that I'm being unreasonable to be a bit miffed about missing out. Fair enough.

OP posts:
anniepanniepears · 15/01/2014 07:46

unfair, but never mind your chance will come again
worth the wait I think

slightlyglitterstained · 15/01/2014 07:51

YANBU to feel disappointment, only natural IMO.

YWBVU to do or say anything about it to colleagues though. Sounds like you were intending to just blow off steam here and not say anything to colleagues anyway.

Hopefully you'll be top of the list for the next one!

FoxyHarlow123 · 15/01/2014 08:00

What do you mean, they're not gifts? Of course they are!! Just because its a day out or event, rather than a bottle of wine or box of chocs for example doesn't make any difference. If your company had a strict anti-bribery policy, you almost certainly wouldn't be able to partake in these events.

flowery · 15/01/2014 08:20

Yes, being allowed to accept all expenses paid trips abroad from suppliers by no definition counts as a "strict" anti-bribery policy.

"Strict" policies don't allow acceptance of anything at all, even stuff like pens or calendars. Less strict would allow gifts up to a certain level, £20 or something, plus a bit of non-excessive hospitality. Policies which allow the employers to be accepting thousands of pounds worth of stuff each year would class as extremely lax IMO.

Just because it's normal in your industry or just because your parent company is a big multinational doesn't automatically mean they are getting it right!

Anyway, I know that's not what you are asking, just wanted to clarify,

BikeRunSki · 15/01/2014 18:15

We have strict policies on gifts and bribery (gov agency). We are not allowed to accept anything. Very straightforward. Not a single calendar, bottle of wine -nothing. That
's strict.

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