To be annoyed with DM for not being the favourite child?

[InPursuitOfOblivion]

I'm one of 5 brothers and sister and it's been a well known fact since we were kids that DM favoured Dsis 'V' above all of us. (DM completely denies this, despite everyone, even non-family telling her its obvious)
Most of the time I couldn't care less, I have my own family and love 'V' very much.
Just got off the phone from DM and she is at Vs Babysitting AGAIN. She seems to permanently be there but finds every excuse in the book to not come to mine. (She manages about 3 weekends a year)
Like I said, normally I'm not fussed, but today it has just really pissed me off I feel like telling her to F-off and not bother calling me again.

3 weekends a year sounds like quite alot to me, especially as you are one of 5 siblings!

I know someone who doesn't babysit for one of her children. And doesn't visit often. The children are, frankly, feral. Not saying this is you but could there be an issue?

Maybe it is the children. I have 2 under 2 so it is pretty hard work, where as Vs children are 10 and 7 and glued to the Xbox so makes for a quiter life!

Does your sis live nearer? Not that that's an excuse to ignore your dc

I'm not sure how or why everyone else is missing the point. I get it OP. I know from my own personal experience that it really hurts. .

Maybe count your blessings?

I've found that gparents who babysit lots for small children struggle to let go to the teenagers and young adults, and so get in the way a bit when older.

my mum does, all started when my dad died. She's at my house daily now and I don't know how to stop it without offending her but I need my space.

If she's anything like mine, she'll be driving your sister mental in 10 years time, whilst you enjoy your freedom.

Yabu....2 dc under 2 and 3 weekends away a year....wow. Your ds dc are older so maybe it just seems like she has been having them for years.

V lives 2 hours drive south east of DM, I live 2 hours drive south west of DM. But apparently the drive to mine is too long! My DB lives 20 mins from hers and she drives past his to get to work but she only sees him a handful of times per year so I'm not being singled out. DB has the two oldest grandchildren also.
I knew when V had her children, they would be the most perfect children in the world in DMs eyes. The rest of us would just have average kids, which I'm ok with.
I think I am being a bit oversensitive today TBH.

"... and not bother calling me again"
So she called you rather than you called her? That's a positive sign, even if V is her fave she still cares enough about you to call you.

I think this happens a bit in big families, I am one of five too. My dm definitely favoured one above others and I have generally moved on with my life and see her regularly, but don't involve her in every little thing, I need my own life. As she is highly critical and negative, I find it quite easy to do this. It does get trickier when a parent dies though, as Rosencrantz said. Since my dad passed away, my dm seems to want to recreate the old family pecking order and I try to keep away from it as much as possible (meaning a mental distance, rather than physical distance if that makes sense?) I would concentrate on your own family, you won't change her. Protect yourself.

Only1scoop no she really is there every other weekend and day off. On the weekends she sees me it is planned weeks in advance, if V rings up and says do you have a day off today? I have a headache. she drops everything to rush over.

Yes I get it too InPursuit. Most days it doesn't really matter but every now and then, it suddenly does. Just for a short while. I hear ya.

Psst I am 1 of 5 and DM favours my sister (obviously) but I don't mind - genuinely!

I enjoy spending time with my Mum but I don't feel obligated to play taxi like my sister does (since my mum is always babysitting for her..)

DM, on the occasions she deigned to visit, could not get though the day without phoning DSis about the grandchildren she saw every day

As above, the neglect is counterbalanced by not having to put up with the interference.

Thanks Rosen I think you are right. DS 'B' has just told me that DM is thinking of moving to Vs town so V can start looking after her!

That is supposed to say Dsis B

Wow...that it would really hurt. The problem is it doesn't sound like is going to change anytime soon. I would just ignore her, don't cut her off or
stop talking to her, just try not to let her get to you.

Op we do have a little of this in our family. My parents have always got my neice. They never offer to have our dd or take her out (she's 3 and really good bless her). We don't suggest it anymore. It's sad really.
We have never had a weekend away so 3 a year just sounded amazing
....So I do see from some respect where you are coming from and I know on more sensitive days it hurts.

I think I might have not written clearly. I certainly don't go away for 3 weekends a year! I bloody wish! I mean my DM visits me 3 times a year.

Oh I see....sorry Op I misread....yes can see in that case where you are coming from.

InPursuit... Honestly this will backfire and you are getting the better deal. If mum babysits for V mostly, V will find herself doing the majority of the care for her later in life.

I love my mum dearly, but there are many siblings and it infuriates me no end that I am the one in the care giving role, when my other siblings live mostly unaffected.