Too depressed to get out of bed - test results today :-(

[SadAndWorried1]

I am lying in bed this morning and I just can't get myself up. Luckily my 2 year old is still asleep but will be waking up soon. This afternoon we will find out if my grandad's cancer is terminal or if it can be treated (probably with a leg amputation). He has been such a big part of my life for nearly 40 years and my little girl loves him dearly. I just can't believe this is happening as it has all happened so quickly. He seems so well.

I know I need to be stronger as I have a little person who depends on me now but it's just so hard :-(

I am so sorry you are going through this, thinking of you and your family

it is hard. that is why I am posting her and not in the kitchen making packed lunch. mum is going for tests today too..

you're allowed to feel like that, it's a shitty situation

and I really, really hope you get better news today

how is he in himself?

I am sorry you are having to deal with this. My thoughts are with you.

your stronger than you think as they will both need you. you are allowed to be upset and vulnerable inside though. best if luck today and thinking if your dear grandad.

Did you mean to post with that name? It's just you used a different name for your first post, I thought I should let you know in case you wanted to keep it private.

He is ok. Him and my nan are made of stern stuff after living through the war but you do wonder how much they actually take in about the seriousness of the situation. He was worried about who was going to put the recycling out today for example. My poor mum is going with him to get the results and I'm going later to sit with nan. Whatever happens, all our lives are going to change dramatically after today and its scary.

I hope your news isn't too bad today BlackEyed x

It's okay for your daughter to see you cry.....you're human and it's a normal response. Keeping emotions locked away isn't the best way.

sounds like it might be doubly hard for you to process everything, with him sounding maybe disengaged?

I feel for your mum as well. can't imagine having to go and get results like that about my parents.

warm thoughts to you to BlackEyed

Oops sorry thought black eyed was the OP for a minute, need more sleep. Sorry for both your situations.

Yes I am worried about crying in front of her as she gets all clingy but I suppose it is natural. I'm just glad I've got her. After years of infertility heartbreak I know that I am blessed to be a mom at last. I'll just keep clinging onto that.

And as if things couldn't get any worse I've just had a phone call to say that my nan's sister died last night. It was expected but still makes an awful day even worse.

my god, I'm so sorry to hear that. not what you needed at all.

I bet your lovely daughter will be a great comfort to you and your grandad. what time will you be finding out the news?

So sorry to hear that I hope it goes ok. I think older people are made of stern stuff and they sometimes deal with big problems by not worrying about them till they have to. I expect this is what your grandad will do. Yes you do have to hold things together for your dd, but it is ok to let her see you are sad, sadness is part of life and she will learn from seeing that grownups get sad sometimes but they cope.

He has a CT scan this morning to see if the cancer has spread - he has a soft tissue sarcoma in the leg. He will then see the consultant in the afternoon after all his results have been analysed. They are very good to be doing it all in one day so we don't have to wait even longer for the results.

What makes it worse is that we have found out that he has had the lump in his leg for over a year and was too scared to go to the doctor. He finally told my nan just before Xmas when it got so big he couldn't hide it any longer. Things could have been so different. As the biopsy showed it was Grade 2 (relatively fast growing) we just can't believe that it won't have spread by now.