to tell my daughter her father is a liar?

[smuggler]

My 7 year old dd tries her best to have faith in her father but he lies constantly. For example, he doesn't go to parents evenings, nativities etc and says it's because I didn't tell him about them - I signed him up for emailed newsletters from school so he does know. He tells dd they'll be doing something fantastic next contact but it never materialises. He tells her they've been out on days out/holidays without her when she's with me which isn't true. He tells her her cousin who she's close to just happens to be visiting right after she comes home to me - impossible seeing as he's at school several hundred miles away less than 12 hours later. He tells her he asks to take her for tea/on holiday but I say no.
Complete bull.

I don't want dd to be stuck in the middle and I don't want to badmouth him. I try to stick to factual answers - I.e. Re: parents evening I simply said all parents receive the same letters. Regarding the cousin visiting I've said he must be confused as it's impossible but increasingly frequently dd is asking me outright: 'is he lying about X?' AIBU to tell her the truth rather than fob her off?

She already knows. Just keep sticking to the facts.

I agree. She has already twigged. Keep up the factual answers. Your poor dd though.

She's 7 and old enough for a straight answer. Tell her the facts, of course, but if she asks you if he's lying, and he is clearly lying, then agree with her that he is lying. Don't make judgemental comments about it or tell her about the long list of past lies; let her draw her own conclusions. But she needs to know that someone is telling her the truth.

That's a good point. I hate feeling like I'm covering for him but when he says 'see you in two/three/four weeks' and she asks why he doesn't see her in between, is it me stopping him it's hard to agree he's lying about asking to see her more without making her feel unwanted by him if that makes sense.

I think you're handling it right, why should you be complicit in his lies if the point of them is to discredit you?

She obviously can't trust him; she has to be able to trust you. I have a 7 year-old DD and they are not stupid. As above: you don't have to labour the point, but, if you cover for him, it is perilously close to lying. I would agree with her, if she suggests it. Re-affirming your value of her is crucial, as she is bound to feel let down, but she HAS to be able to believe you tell the truth.

YANBU. I have issues with my daughters dad when he says she cant do something, He expects me to say the same, But i refuse to when saying that i agree with him would mean me telling her, for example, that i dont want her here during school holidays.

I tell her the truth. I don't bad mouth him. I don't call him names. I simply say "Your Dad said no, so ask him, because i would love you to come to X"

Oh I feel for your daughter, it must be awful for her to be only 7 and realise your Dad is a liar! She has obviously twigged and is needing your reassurance and help, definitely don't lie to her. If she asks you a question, she deserves to know the truth at least. I would say keep your own opinion out of it and don't offer up the information as then that may sound like you're bad-mouthing her Dad.

At least she has you as a someone to go to know who she knows won't let her down, and won't lie to her!

Ah, your poor DD.

You can agree with her that he's lying without it looking like you're badmouthing him - after all, he IS lying. If you want to tone it down a touch, when she asks "Is he lying" you can say "It does look like it".

It REALLY annoys me that some fathers think this is an ok thing to do to their children. :(

oh your poor dd.. it seems like she is all ready twigging that he is lying.

i also wont lie to my children, i t hink if they are asking you.. you should tell the truth.

maybe tone it down a bit like op said.. with the "it looks like it" and let her take the lead with it.
what a horrid thing to have to deal with.

YANBU.

I refuse to lie for, excuse or explain away any of my ex's behaviour. I will not be the fall guy for his shitty inadequate "parenting". The kids deserve to know the truth too.

Don't protect him from his shitty behaviour but be as gentle as you can. So if she asks if he is lying you can always say yes darling I think he is and I am sorry that he is doing this it isn't nice but we will do _ instead.

My daughter has been lied to since 6 years old by her mum and family about her father, myself . She's 22 now and I don't know if I should tell her truth about what really happened when I was deported back to UK and lost custody. I was accused of abusing my daughter and her mum. Amongst other things. I always believed that the truth would come out. I still have legal papers proving the truth