to want to move 300 miles.

[Cinderelephant]

Please bare with me, this is my first aibu post. It's not very exciting and I probably sound a bit limp.

When my eldest child was one my dp and I moved 300 miles to be near his family. His family (and extended family) encouraged the move with promises of support with childcare, family days out, etc... I had been living about 30 miles from my own family who I did see fairly regularly. At the time the move seemed exciting and I guess part of me was running away from a job where I really wasn't happy. I grew up with a fantastic relationship with my grandparents and welcomed the idea of my children having the same. My parents were on the scene but my dm suffers with depression and at times things have been a little difficult.

Since the move things have not worked out the way we had hoped with my partners family. We are pretty much on our own with regards to family support. To be honest, they have been pretty insensitive and at times hurtful. A fair bit has gone on to make both my dp and feel this way. We have attempted to resolve things with his family.

For some time I have been feeling homesick and have had pangs to move back to where I grew up, I miss the area, family, friends, as well as my 'roots'. I know that my dp is not keen on this. His job wouldn't be much of a problem if we did choose to move. He feels that we would be starting off from scratch again, we have built a friendship network where we now live. We have a nice house and my dp feels quite settled.

I now have three children and I know that my parents do miss them dearly. We don't get to see them that often because my parents don't have a lot of space and it is expensive finding somewhere to stay when we visit. It's not easy for my parents to visit us too. My dad has been unwell and money is an issue for them. It is difficult to think of my parents getting older without me around to see that they are okay.

I have chatted to my dm about the way that I feel. She has been really understanding and has not attempted to pull me in any particular direction.

There is a part of me that feels that my in-laws don't deserve to see my children because my parents don't. I know that it is wrong to feel this way and I don't stop them from seeing the children if this is what they wish.

AIBU to go with these feelings and risk another relocation? I know that it's not like I am going to a whole new area but there would be many considerations to make, especially if my dp is not keen on the idea. Should I learn to deal with my feelings and cut my losses. It's been playing on my mind for quite a while and I genuinely feel in limbo.

What's your friendship network like, is it good?

I think you need to address whether the resentment toward Ils is colouring your Grass is greener on the other side sentiments.

It is frustrating but you can't force them to do more with your dcs. You said things were difficult with your mum, would moving back to incur different issues?

How old are your DCs? You really need to be settled before they reach comp. at least. If they are small then it's not such an issue. Even without support from your Ils you need to bear in mind that it sounds as if YOU would be giving support to YOUR parents rather than the other way round. Good friends don't grow on trees. Having said that, I wouldn't be happy living that far away from my parents as they get older. No easy answers I'm afraid but you need to talk it through with DP, it has to be a joint decision, whichever way it goes.

Spooky Cinders! I'm in a very similar position even down to the amount of miles concerned! I can totally relate to the many dilemmas this can bring and possible scenarios I guess you have played out in your mind.

It does sounds like your feelings come from an organic place within you. I guess it's about trusting ourselves and taking a leap of faith or risking possible resentment by staying put.

Alternatively second dibs on the Crystal ball please!

Many thanks for the replies. Honey, I have a couple of really good friends. If I could take them with me then I would be clear about wanting to move. I have many acquaintances who I would miss but would not hang around for. The resentment issue is fueling my feelings and I know that I must separate this from any decisions.

I think that the time away from my family has had its benefits. My dm seems to be emotionally in a better place too. My dm can be a bit hit and miss, on her good days she is amazing, and not so when she's not. I can accept her for who she is and don't take it to heart anymore. My dad is a lovely bloke, I do miss him a lot.

Justforlaughs, I have three children under ten, one of which is still a baby. They are home educated so a school move would not be an issue. They have built a friendship network, however they are still quite young and therefore adaptable.

niddy It's not just me in limbo then! It's so hard isn't it. My heart is telling me one thing and all these practicalities get in the way. My partners feelings are massively important to me and I know that he doesn't have the same pulls. Do you spend hours on rightmove too? I miss the countryside and the sea...

Bless you. I think you have to listen to your head on this one for now. Try doing more for you and for relationships you value and try not to resent pil.

It's another big move so needs to be approached rationally I do understand the resentment, you must feel like you were manipulated into moving.

Yes, there have been many hours looking at Right move! However we would be moving away from the sea and countryside paying a lot more for a lot less house price wise. In fact the ONLY pull is family...and that is complicated by a lovely mum who can be very demanding due to her depression and hoarding behavior. In fact on the surface, it seems like a bad idea indeed!