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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to not care about the stupid tiles?

15 replies

matildamatilda · 13/01/2014 15:11

So background: a couple of years ago I painted the living room (with a colour husband and I agreed on) and then we decided we'd get new curtains.

Rather than just buy some curtains like normal people my husband kind of referred it on to a good old friend of his who is really into interior design. She was very excited to take me along to her favourite fabric shop an hour's drive away. I picked several samples which DH hated, so I went back, more samples, more vetos, finally husband came out to the shop and chose fabric, which we ordered. I had to return to the fabric shop one last time to pick up the cut fabric and then friend helped me sew the curtains.

I sort of went along with it because they both bizarrely seemed to get so much pleasure out of the entire process. Husband likes to brag to visitors that [friend] and I made the curtains ourselves. But to be honest the whole process seemed like a waste of time.

Now: we're having the bathroom done and we've decided on yellow tiles. I'm meeting the tile guy next week.

Me: So that's fine, I'll tell the tile guy we've decided on a sort of light lemony yellow, right? And I'll get the price.

H: Right, but [friend] said she knows of a good tile showroom you might want to go to.

Me: I could ask the tile guy to maybe show me some samples and then I'll run them by you?

H: But maybe you and [friend] could go out to the tile showroom? There are all sorts of tiles.

Me: But we've already decided on yellow. No need to drive out to a showroom.

H: You and [friend] could go out to the showroom together some time. She'd love to help and she has a good eye. We'll have to live with the tiles for a long time so wouldn't we like just the right ones? I'll come along too.

Me: [Shirty] There's no need to make a big production. I'll ask for the lightest yellow they have.

Finally I left it that I'm happy to sort out the tiles if "sort out the tiles" means pointing at the yellow ones and writing a cheque. If "sorting out the tiles" means spending ages dithering in showrooms, then no, I wasn't going to do that. I'm afraid I said the curtain thing had been a nightmare and I didn't want to do all that again.

He said that having friends help us with decorating was a nice thing, that it gave a nice story to a room. He said, "It's like you're angrily avoiding spending time with friends so that you can stay home and surf the internet." Snap!

I can't believe I just quarrelled with my husband about tiles or something else.

OP posts:
ashInTheAttic · 13/01/2014 15:14

Why don't your DH and your friend go to the tile shop, then, and you stay out of the whole hassle?

msrisotto · 13/01/2014 15:15

YANBU. If he wants it doing his way, he should do it himself. He can bugger off getting you to faff about, what a pain in the arse!

Spending time with friends is one thing but I couldn't be doing with wandering around incredibly boring tile warehouses. If he wants to spend time with friends, go to the pub or invite them over for something fun!

dashoflime · 13/01/2014 15:16

It does sound like a faff. Why don't you just leave DH and his friend to sort it out- if they are enjoying it all so much.

IAmNotAPrincessIAmAKaleesi · 13/01/2014 15:19

YANBU

why is your DH so set on having this friend involved? Surely it's just a case of the two of you deciding what you like?

And why is he so obsessed with you having a day out with his friend? Maybe you should start organising his social life for him Grin

I'd leave him to it if he feels so strongly about it

isitsnowingyet · 13/01/2014 15:21

Ha ha. I'm worse than your DH as this week have been showing my other half different types of grey paint - now that probably is equally dull - but oh so vital. I think YABU (a liitle bit anyway) and should choose aforementioned tiles carefully - and wisely Grin

matildamatilda · 13/01/2014 15:22

Yeah, I told him he was sort of casting me in a role. Like he wants me to be the kind of woman person who swoons over home-making, and I'm not!

I think he's also a bit nervous about spending such a wodge of cash on the new bathroom so he wants it to be JUST RIGHT.

OP posts:
greenfolder · 13/01/2014 15:25

oh i hear you. except with me its people at work with their sodding "forvever homes" and yacking on about how much per square metre everything costs (answer seems to be for anything if its less than £100 it is shit). i happily invite people to my house and really challenge them to spot the tangible difference between for example a kitchen tap that cost £75 and one that costs £500 (channels billy connelly- for a fucking tap)

tell him to go navel gazing with his friend and you will write the cheque.

matildamatilda · 13/01/2014 15:34

isitsnowingyet different types of grey paint? Lol.

OP posts:
SanityClause · 13/01/2014 15:39

If DH and [friend] went to choose tiles, and came back with their choice, would you definitely be happy with them?

If so, do that. Otherwise, I suggest you tag along.

I do share your pain, though. Years ago, DH and I set off with PIL to choose a wood burning stove. I saw exactly what I liked in the first showroom, but I was then forced to traipse all over the West Midlands, looking at others, just in case I saw something I liked better. I didn't.

Justforlaughs · 13/01/2014 15:44

I'd suggest that the 3 of you go together if he wants this friends input so much, but no way would I be going with said friend and then bringing samples for DH to veto - either he goes along, or his input is not required.
Or (and what I would do) is say "there's friends phone number - get on with it, I'll see them when the jobs done. Wink

procrastinatingagain · 13/01/2014 15:44

If you just get the normal tiles, you can spare your visitors the tile-related stories, and all talk about something more interesting!

dontcallmemam · 13/01/2014 16:38

He's obviously more interested in the whole home decor thing than you. Let him have a nice day out with the 'fabulous at interiors' friend and do something you enjoy.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 13/01/2014 16:40

He likes his good old friend and you getting along, bonding over choosing tiles.
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Okay think of a scenario where you and a very good old male friend from your past are keen and enthusing about, say, the garden. Can you picture DH being directed to accompany that person on several trips, joining in enthusiastically and taking ages to get something sorted?

shoofly · 13/01/2014 16:45

Send him to pick the tiles then. I'm fussy about what I pick and go looking to find what I want. In my defence I am decisive and don't faff about it. I used to trail DH around with me and now that I realise he doesn't give a shit, I just get on with it.

If you are happy for him to make the decision tell him to get on with It.

Coumarin · 13/01/2014 18:40

I like this kind of thing and would enjoy looking at different options and deliberating over things. My DH doesn't.

I can't imagine telling my DH to go shopping for tiles with my friend and insisting even when he said he didn't want to. Nor can I imagine then vetoing his choices when he did eventually give in and end up going with my own choice anyway.

It's as of he's trying to mould you into something you're not.

If he likes it so much, why doesn't he go with his friend? YANBU

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