What would you do?

[Weelady77]

DH has fell out with his mum last year she's a truly awful woman one of the worst mothers I know!
I didn't fall out with her but my loyalty is with DH and I totally understand why he won't speak to her again but were going to DH cousins funeral today and she will be there(stomach is churning)
Do I ignore her
Smile and nod
Or just avoid her and not make eye contact so I don't have to do either?

Is your DH going? Follow his lead?
I'd be tempted to smile and nod briefly without holding eye contact. But then I have no idea why they have fallen out.

You extend the same level of courtesy and politeness as you would a stranger. No cosy chats, no blanking. It's a funeral.

Say hello to her, then at least you have been polite. You don't have to engage in any deep conversation with her.

Yeah he's going too he will completely ignore her!
It stems back to when he was small he had the most awful childhood always had a huge chip on his shoulder but in recent years he's got better,
But last summer we went to visit had a few drinks his mum got really drunk an argument broke out and she told him she wished he'd never been born as she never wanted him! There's loads of issues I would typing all day but that was the final straw!

Keep in mind you're at a funeral.
So be polite enough to not come across as rude.

As others have said, be polite, smile and nod - it is a funeral, it is not about her, you or your DH today.

Her niece/nephew has died. Treat her as someone whose niece/nephew has died - polite, sympathetic. That doesn't mean you have to have personal chats for great lengths of time.

It's a shame that your DH and his Mum can't repair their relationship, though.

Quick smile & nod, brief "sorry for your loss". Treat her the same way you do any other people there you haven't met before.

It's not really her nephew it's her xh nephew she's never seen him years, had loads to say about him but that's another story!
Yip ill nod and smile that's if she even looks at me

It's beyond repair now I've tried to be the peace maker for years as I've never heard there rows before but hearing what she said I can't justify her words, although I'd hate for anything to happen to her and it be on his conscience

Smile & nod but try not to speak. You didn't create the bad blood & don't want to add to it.

Rise above it all for one day, and remember it's a funeral. No one wants a scene at a funeral. There'll be grieving family there and they come first.

If she approaches you and DH just stay polite but distant. Like someone you hardly know. No need to be all smiley, but no need to be rude. If she blanks you both then even better ... just keep your distance as well and ignore.

Good luck.

"It's a shame that your DH and his Mum can't repair their relationship, though."

It doesn't sound as though they had a loving parent/child relationship to repair.

Unless the neglectful/abusive parent is aware and aknowledges what they have done, then it cannot start to be put on an even keel.

I also don't think that a cruel/bad parent should necessarily be forgiven, it is up to the adult child to decide.

OP, I think that you should try to avoid having to aknowledging her, by not looking at her. It us reasonable to do this at a funeral.

How would your DH feel if you smile at her? I would nod but not smile.

I wouldn't try to be "the peacemaker" anymore.

I often wonder why, just because the child has managed to go in to build a life, that others think a person who has been a awful parent, should have allowances made.

Not putting yourself in the company of your parent, so the abuse can continue, can be so liberating.

Birds honestly she's awful and I have made excuses for her and tried to be peacemaker for our kids sake but she's not interested in them she told us the night they fell out!

She will never ever admit she's wrong, DH has tried to get the truth but she can't give him straight answers, I used to doubt DH until one night we were at a party and there was a man there who smacked DH arse when he was about 4/5 cause DH wouldn't get out the bed he was in and they wanted to have sex!! DH wanted to kill this man when he told his mum she said he was a liar but he remembered this man from over 20 years ago!!

Sorry that turned into a rant

Just to let you all know I'm just back and it was awkward had to sit in the row infront of them in the chapel I said hello to her partner DH brother and his dad but she never looked the road I was on as I would have said a polite hello! she looked at DH with pure hate in her face!!
So glad it's over I now know where I stand