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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To send my DS to nursery?

40 replies

ileypie · 13/01/2014 09:35

First AIBU go easy on me...

I'm currently on maternity leave and due to my childminder letting me down I have moved my DS to nursery. He hates it he started last week and today is his fourth time there, however since he started he has completely changed from a happy confident little boy to a miserable clingy unhappy child. I can't bare to see it, yesterday he was fine and back to himself and it was great to see he was only like this because he made me promise he wasn't going to nursery!

So my question is this AIBU to still send him and hope he settles or shall I split the time he would be at nursery with his nannas (which he enjoys and always asks for them). If I keep him there how long should I wait for him to settle? And if I take him out will it be any better when he starts school nursery next January?

I should mention my DS is 2.3 and baby due next month. Please help!

OP posts:

Original poster

ileypie · 13/01/2014 16:15

Just to add I didnt really want him at his Nan's regular just because she won't discipline him and feeds him sweets constantly...so of course he loves it

OP posts:

lilyaldrin · 13/01/2014 16:19

Is there a reason you won't be able to manage both children?

Original poster

ileypie · 13/01/2014 16:31

I barely managed with my DS as a baby, so I don't think I will cope well with a toddler and newborn, I know myself and I know I will be a better parent if I get a few hours 3x a week to try and catch up with things, plus I thought it would benefit my DS to have some time away from the baby where he can play without a baby interrupting him.

I really am just trying to do what's best for him, I thought he would love nursery and enjoy it, therefore giving me that bit of a break...sounds selfish I know, but I will take him out if it's not beneficial for him.

OP posts:

wobblyweebles · 13/01/2014 16:36

I sent my 2yo middle daughter for about 6 weeks and she still hated it so I took her out. She then went to a school nursery at 3 and loved it. She was a very clingy person and she just wasn't ready.

You might find that you are fine with a baby and a toddler. I actually found it more difficult having children in school/nursery when I had a little baby because we had to do the school/nursery school runs which was quite stressful.

lilyaldrin · 13/01/2014 16:37

Maybe you could get a mother's help type person to come in and help a couple of afternoons a week - do a bit of the housework, hold the baby so you can play with your toddler, watch them both so you can sleep etc?

greenfolder · 13/01/2014 16:38

if he has had a better day today, give him a bit longer- maybe a month or 6 weeks. the good thing is that you can be confident the nursery are being honest with you about how he is.

seems reasonable for him to go 3 times a week to allow you some time with baby. Playgroup was a bloody life line for me when i had dd2- she went 5 mornings a week.

i think at 2 it is a shock for them to be without you but he probably will start to see the benefits- different toys, nice grown ups etc given a little more time

Original poster

ileypie · 13/01/2014 17:07

Thank u greenfolder, that's what I'm hoping he's been back to his usual self this afternoon which is giving me hope that maybe he is starting to adjust. It has been a big change for him from childminder then we had xmas so his dad was home all the time to nursery and me being around more, just hope he settles before the baby arrives! Then it will be all change again for the poor little man.

OP posts:

SS3J · 13/01/2014 17:17

If you are able not to send him then don't. He will have a much nicer time at his nannas.

youcantakethegirloutofwales · 13/01/2014 17:17

DD never seemed especially happy/settled/confident at nursery aged 2.5 - it was only two short sessions a week, she was wasn't inconsolable and the staff were brilliant with her, so we persevered. Two terms later, she went to the nursery attached to school x 5 mornings. She loved it! So maybe the time and/or environment are just not right for your DS at the mo. As you have other options / could manage, yes I'd pull him out.

Nanny0gg · 13/01/2014 17:20

I'd still take him out.

Mim78 · 13/01/2014 18:04

I would take him out as you don't need to send him to nursery for work etc. If he loves being with his nannas that is a great option. Or as you are on mat leave you have the option of keeping him at home sometimes.

It may be just that nursery but if that is the only one nearby then you'll never know. It might just be that he's not ready for a nursery setting. It could all be completely different by the time he is old enough for nursery school.

OpalQuartz · 13/01/2014 20:12

Both my dds started preschool at 2.5. Younger one was fine with it from day one, but the elder one wasn't really ready until age 3 I now realise. I wish I'd kept her home until age 3 now.

TheGreatHunt · 13/01/2014 20:14

I'd take him out. I put ds into nursery when dd was due but it was a mistake. I took him out after a few months.

AdaProgrammer · 13/01/2014 23:46

This is a difficult one; you really don't know what is for the best and no one can tell you. Since the benefits of nursery for all of you are clear, I would be inclined to persevere a little longer. I would take advantage of Nannas' willingness to help in order to get one-on-one time with ds. Maybe start with Nanna rocking the pram while you push ds on the swing at the park, working up to one of them minding the baby while you two go swimming.

HaroldLloyd · 13/01/2014 23:48

I would give it a bit longer if he's had a nice day and was happy when you picked him up.

Would they work with you on more settling in stuff?

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