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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be annoyed at friends on fb

24 replies

tiredoldmum · 13/01/2014 03:34

I have noticed a few of my friends that I have known since Year 10 never seem to be happy for any of my happy posts but always like and comment on my unhappy posts. The comments are not really encouraging either just non comments.

I even tested my theory out by making up something unhappy like getting terribly lost and made up a happy post about something blooming in my garden and having a nice afternoon out with a friend.

Every single unhappy post they will like lol. Never comment or like any of my happy posts.

I haven't seen these people in years. Should I just delete them?

OP posts:

Facebaffle · 13/01/2014 03:36

They're not really your friends if you havent seen them in years. I would either delete or not bother worrying about thier reactions to your updates.

Adeleh · 13/01/2014 03:38

Either delete or ignore. Whichever would make you feel better. Weird how some people only celebrate the negative. Sometimes toy with the idea of deleting people for various reasons, but can never quite bring myself to do it. I'm still quite interested in what happens to them.

Thumbwitch · 13/01/2014 03:51

If you don't want to go so far as deleting them, you can downgrade them to acquaintances and then set your FB so that they don't see your posts. That way, you don't have to worry about their responses, but you can still connect with them just in case you should ever need to.

Original poster

tiredoldmum · 13/01/2014 03:51

I think I will put them on ignore for while and not worrying about what they say or not say on my posts.

I thought it seemed one sided as I was interested in what happens to them but them not so much unless it is negative.

OP posts:

fizzlerooo · 13/01/2014 04:03

A friends cull is always a good thing, get rid of negative people who you don't care for, see often, quash to stay in contact with, it's quite therapeuti
therapeutic

Original poster

tiredoldmum · 13/01/2014 05:52

I could just delete them. I feel a bit guilty since they were good friends many years ago.

OP posts:

DoJo · 13/01/2014 09:09

Maybe they feel like you need support when you post unhappy things, but don't see the need to when you post happy things. Either way, it sounds like you are reading quite a lot into your online interactions with them if you are going so far as to make up statuses to 'catch' them.

formerbabe · 13/01/2014 09:14

There are lots of people around who take a secret pleasure in other peoples unhappiness...it makes them feel better about their own life.

Joysmum · 13/01/2014 09:16

A lot of people don't bother with my happy things as they aren't as interesting and they can't add anything.

Unhappy stuff they can show they are interested in me and let's me know they are there if needed.

Custardo · 13/01/2014 09:19

facebook is surely the emotional platform for 12 year olds

who would put on facebook " my life is shitty blah blah blah" for all your not really friends to see?

I use FB daily btw - but for my own purposes - I do not have any friends or family on there, I think it is primarily used as a tool for emotional manipulation and drama queens.

if you have a real problem - speak to a friend - e-mail them, If you haven't got any friends, what are those people on facebook? not friends but people you used to know. Keep them if you want, but expected them to be emotionally invested in you is naive

BrickorCleat · 13/01/2014 09:45

I think if you've got time to invent pretend scenarios to test your friends, perhaps you should consider some volunteer work with real people?

Original poster

tiredoldmum · 13/01/2014 09:49

Maybe it is just odd as I tend to ignore the whinging stuff and comment on other's happy posts.

Now if something really terrible happened like being in hospital or something like that, I would be supportive.

OP posts:

usuallyright · 13/01/2014 10:45

people can get far too hung up and over involved with Facebook. I love Facebook and use it daily, but I know who my real friends are and they're not the school friends I haven't see since year 10!

CrapBag · 13/01/2014 10:46

I got rid of everyone from school on my facebook. Half of them I wasn't even friends with at school, let alone after.

newyearhere · 13/01/2014 11:01

If they're actually your friends why not just ask them?

WilsonFrickett · 13/01/2014 11:14

Split your friends list into 'friends' - people you see in rl or people who interact with you on fb in a way you like - and acquaintances - everyone else. Then you can decide which posts go to which groups.

I felt I was oversharing with for eg ex school-friends who didn't post very much, so I now pretty much restrict my regular posting to people I see or people who communicate back. (As I work from home, I have a whole circle of people I only know through social media too). So that way I can tailor my information, I put very little now to 'everyone'. But they can't tell you've done it to them.

newyearhere · 13/01/2014 11:20

Or leave FB and just send individual emails and pictures to your good friends and family.

SPsMrLoverManSHABBA · 13/01/2014 11:22

The fact they are there when you are unhappy shows they are friends in my opinion.

Not like it matters.

TheFuzz · 13/01/2014 13:36

It's facebook, most of it is nonsence. don't get worked up by it.

Toecheese · 13/01/2014 14:55

Give examples of your posts.

JimmyChooChoo · 13/01/2014 15:38

To be fair most 'happy' posts on fb are quite boring
If people didn't 'like' or comment on posts to do with a new baby or an engagement then I'd agree

Objection · 13/01/2014 16:13

Maybe because the want to give you support when you're unhappy? its much easier to say something reassuring or give advice or sympathy then just a non - statement as a positive affirmation.

YABU and a little odd

BlingBang · 13/01/2014 16:51

Well, they are either not very nice or wish you well or maybe you post a lot of annoying stuff that is a bit pointless. I delete or hide folk that annoy me on Fb or who fill my newsfeed with loads of these inspiational posts or if attention seeking.

oldgrandmama · 13/01/2014 17:14

I think it was Gore Vidal (recently deceased) who said something on the lines of: 'Whenever I hear of a friend's good fortune, something in me dies ...'

On the FB page I frequent, everyone always rejoices at other posters' happiness ... but it IS a FB page for Crazy Cat Ladies!

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