My ex refuses to wash the DC school uniform

[Gossipmonster]

I know I am not BU I need to vent.

Initially friendly separation turned into highly acrimonious divorce once ex had met new "lady".

He point blank refuses to wash the kids uniforms when he has them (6 items of clothing) he's sent it back unwashed saying they have already done their white wash/washing/it's too many clothes/washing machine broken. Although they wash her DDS uniform and send mine (16 and 14 now) back with filthy clothes (he also tells them they have to shower here before they get into his car because they "smell" they still choose to go ).

Over the years I have not bothered to push it, but this weekend I was away for the entire weekend and unable to wash their uniforms. DS1 etched his dad Thurs and asked if they could please use their washing machine this weekend to wash their own uniforms. No was the reply we have had this argument before.

Really?

Kids had to wash them here quickly and hang them out before he picked them up and he had a go at then for keeping him waiting.

When do they realise what a prick he is and not go?

And actually, that was your only contribution to the entire thread, to have a pop at me.

No big deal about wearing the jumper for 6-8 hours for 5 days running. When I was at school the jumpers were dry clean only, so people went until half term! Although for the convenience aspect I agree it would probably be worth 20 pounds for a spare.

See at ages 14 and 16 I wouldn't stress about things like this. The kids know what's happening - they know they can either go to school in dirty jumpers or see their Dad. Let them get on with it - it's all going to be over in a few short years and their Dad is going to be the ultimate loser.
Tbh the having to have a shower before they get into the car thing would bother me so much more. Presuming that they don't smell them that's actually a really cruel (nearly abusive) thing to do on a person i.e. tell them they smell, when they don't. Talk about making them paranoid.

It's very surprising they want to go to his house. Do you think they feel a duty to go OP? Or are they worried they're missing out in something if they don't go?

I imagine the DCs are well aware that their Dad is in an abusive relationship and feel a level of responsibility and loyalty towards him.

When a parent is subject to abuse, their priority is to keep their DCs safe, and to minimise the impact of the abuse on the DCs. I imagine the DCs Dad is only too aware of the damage being done, but he believes that it is the lesser of two evils and the alternative would be far worse for them.

How does that tie in with making then shower before they get into his car because they smell? frogstar

It is technically against their human rights everyone has the right to water and sanitation for hygiene reasons if he is refusing to let them wash at his house. I would guess it is her that pays the water bill my step mother used to pay for the phone and electric bill and as such we weren't allowed to phone out or give the number out for people to phone us and she used to watch the electric meter like a hawk never allowed cups of tea or to heat food up put heaters on etc. It is just her trying to control you another way.
I second leaving taps running boiling full kettles maybe phoning the speaking clock or 118 from their landlines petty but oh so satisfying

I think your ex sounds terrible. There are bound to be loads of issues for your poor kids.

However in terms of the uniform I would just buy extra sets, we have done that here and it saves so much stress just in the normal domestic run of things. You can always pass it on or sell second hand if it is grown out of before its worn out of.

Where are they showering before they get in the car? If they are at home, can't they leave the uniform with you and put on fresh weekend clothes before they get in the car or does he make them walk to the local baths and get showered before he collects them?