to think that being deaf is not a disability?

[manicinsomniac]

I have a friend who is deaf. Her child is also deaf. Her child's father is not deaf.

My friend has a rich and diverse life among the deaf community. BSL is her first language (she also lip reads and is oral) and she feels most at home when using it. She works, she goes out, she watches tv/films, she volunteers and in general has a perfectly normal life, bar the fact that 85-90% of her time is spent with other deaf people. She feels that being able to hear would make her life worse (I can't pretend to understand but I accept what she says - stuff about never being able to experience peace and total focus, not have the ability to make instant friends with others because of a huge commonality, a loss of identity as a part of a very special community etc). She loves being deaf and it is who she is.

She doesn't even use terms like 'hearing loss', she calls it 'deaf gain'.

Her child is 9 and in a deaf unit within a mainstream school. Her ex partner wants the child to have a cochlear implant (I think that's what it is - an operation that would vastly improve the child's hearing anyway) but my friend is very against it as she feels it will take the child out of the community in which they belong and not properly make them a member of any other community. I don't know what the child wants, they are confused and trying to please both parents I think.

Most people have criticised my friend saying things along the lines of, 'why wouldn't you want to cure your child's disability' 'why not make a disabled child's life easier?' etc. I think they are wrong to think in those terms.

AIBU to think that being deaf is not a disability but in fact just a different language and culture?

I knew someone who was deaf and married someone who wasn't, and she was essentially austrosised from the deaf community because she had chosen to marry someone who wasn't deaf.

Sorry I have not real the whole thread, maybe the first 40 posts.

I think there is a big difference between people who are deaf from birth/very young that have been brought up within the deaf community and those who have experienced hearing loss over time.

It's a somewhat trite example but....

As an only child friends who have siblings ask me "don't you miss having siblings?" Err no. "Aren't you lonely?". Nope "don't you feel something is missing from your life?". Not at all.

Simply I can't imagine what it would be like and I have never felt I have missed out or my family lacking in any way.

Friends who have sadly lost a sibling have been bereft and understandably devastated by the hole left in their lives.

I think your friend is obviously very happy with her circumstances and this is her "norm". She can't conceive of a hearing life any more than I can imagine having a brother and what that would have been like.

Her hearing ExP has a very different outlook. Imagine not listening to music for example? For him this is a loss as hearing is his "norm".

It's a very difficult question to answer re: the child. With the support of the mother and the wider deaf community the likelihood is that there is no reason why the child would not have a happy and fulfilling life.

However, ethically is it right to deny the child the opportunity for treatment that would give access to the hearing world?

I don't have a definitive view on this. I would suppose it would depend on the quality of hearing that a CI could restore.

A horrible, loud alarm went off at work today, I dd think of the term 'deaf gain' when I took my hearing aids out, to the amusement of my colleagues.

But Sauvignon I bet you would have been glad of hearing it if you were on your own and the alarm had been for real. No 'gain' in dying.

It's an electrical fault, I'm pretty intolerant at times but I doubt it would have annoyed me to death.

both my parents are deaf, my mom from when I was 14.

deadness cuts you off from people. it's a horrible thing.

Agree manic about the difference between being Deaf and being deaf. In some ways the arguments about implants are about whether you want your child to be Deaf or deaf (or both?). A very difficult decision I would think, one I'm definitely pleased I've never had to make & far far more complex than many realise.

Especially when you add in variable outcomes, potentially better literacy with fluent BSL, and whether the majority of people in your family use spoken language or BSL. I can't see it as anything other than a very individual decision for each family - certainly not one I'm entitled to shout about fr

From outside

Exactly Frusso, I hate being deaf, it's crap and I would change in an instant so it's nice to have the occasional 'wins'.
I started to lose my hearing when I was 20, I imagine being Deaf is very different.

What do people mean by Deaf and deaf?

It's explained earlier, on this thread.

Oh. I missed a couple of posts.

Never mind I googled.

I'd love to learn it, that's a great explanation Frusso.

'I knew someone who was deaf and married someone who wasn't, and she was essentially austrosised from the deaf community because she had chosen to marry someone who wasn't deaf.'

Thats pretty close minded. If my children should choose to marry a disabled or non disabled person I'd be happy if they were happy. One of my kids is blind. Luckily she isnt prejudiced against people who are not blind.

I suspect that some hearing impaired people don't consider themselves to be disabled - I'm autistic and have had similar discussions.

A hearing impairment would almost certainly be deemed a disability by the equality act though.

I'm 98% deaf. I wear hearing aids which help. I was born deaf but at around 90% loss.

I went to a mainstream school, left there with lots of high qualifications, worked and studied higher education at the same time. I ended up an IT trainer and HR manager.

Great yes?

I then lost a further 8% of hearing and now can't work, suffer from anxiety and panic attacks. Signed off as severely disabled by dwp and atos, no retraining...

I can see both sides... Perhaps if I wasn't treat as a hearing person I wouldn't have the issues I have now and have an appropriate career. But then, I hate being on the outside.

I'm now a sahm to a three and two year old and its hard, very hard. Their screaming bursts my eardrums on a regular basis and its painful. Work is the easiest option yet I am unemployable. My husband works long hours to support us all.

I guess it all depends on the severity and type of hearing loss.

Sorry to hear that.

There's a bad choice of word if ever I saw some.

There's a whole bunch of ignorance being spouted on this thread. It's not about the OP being "offensive". It's about everyone rushing in to give their little opinion about it all, in total ignorance about the issues. Regardless of what any of you happen to think, there exists is a very strong and politicised community of deaf people that has very deep and complicated feelings about all this. There are medical issues and technological issues, mixed up with identity politics and a history and a culture around this. Of which i am not fully conversant and so would never make a judgement on this case. It's not really anything about what YOU prersonally think the parents should do. There are much wider issues here. OP YABU for judging this from a position of such ignorance.

Being ostracised because you marry 'out' is horrible. Whatever community is involved.

That cochlear implant simulator is fascinating. Thanks for posting it, Frusso.

It's not for me, as a hearing person, to tell a Deaf (or deaf) person what they should or shouldn't do. And I appreciate that there is deaf culture and a deaf community. And that implants aren't a magic, 100% cure.

Still feels very uncomfortable that someone would refuse cochlear implants for their child for cultural rather than medical reasons. But I guess that's my lack of understanding/appreciation. Possibly.

How the hell two parents who disagree over implants will sort it out I have no idea.

And Bala, I think you might have misinterpreted the OP.

Good point Farrowandbawl