to not want to leave toddler alone with my dsc?

[smuggler]

Dps ex moved away almost two years ago without telling him where. His children are 7 and 8. Before the move we had them up to 70% (before they started school) of the time and we've been together for five years. We used every avenue to find them and have been to court for contact. They have now moved back to the same county as dps ex mil lives here too.

Their mum told them that when dp discovered I was pregnant with our now toddler, he went round and said he planned to concentrate on his new wife and family now and didn't have time for them. Obviously it's untrue but very hurtful for the children. In the court papers it said dss was very angry and seeing a counselor/receiving support at school for violence. Their mum still tells them dp picked us over them and as much as I sympathise with dsc, I don't want to leave dss unsupervised with toddler dd because of his anger issues. Dp says it's not fair as my children are left unsupervised with her (I.e. When cooking etc.) aibu?

I think you're putting the cart before the horse. Has contact been reestablished yet? Has your DP began rebuilding his relationship with his children yet? Tbh i would leave the worry about your toddler until the time comes to reintegrating the children into the family home - then judge how he is with the little one in normal circs. I think your (as a family) first priority at the minute should be helping DSS, not making it about your children.

Great, so you're demonising the poor DSC now? Between your DP's Ex and you as a supposed Stepmother, they don't stand a hop in hell do they?

If there's any risk of harm from your dss then yanbu. It doesn't have to be obvious, just make sure that one if you is always in the room. My SS's mum has stopped contact yet again atm but before that we didn't allow ds to be unsupervised with SS, due to SS being regularly physically violent to ds who is 10 years younger. Neither child knew about this, we just organised it so they were never alone together, even if this meant ds having a visit to his grandmas house if we had to do something that meant we could not supervise them properly (eg when we re turfed the garden).

I should add though that if contact hasn't reestablished then you should give your dss a chance first!

It's common sense to be cautious until the children get to know each other and you can see that there's no jealousy or aggression issues that could affect how your toddler will be treated when your not looking. If they believe that she's the reason why they lost contact with their dad then that is very likely to affect how they see and treat her. It would be careless not to keep a close eye on things. yanbu.

Dp has been re-establishing contact for several months. Children have re-met, dsc have been spiteful and violent to older children as they were when we previously had contact. Dsc do kickboxing and excuse it with 'showing my dc how to do it.' Toddler has mostlybeen iignored except being shouted at when she calls dp daddy

In that case I wouldn't her alone with them for a second. How old are your other kids? Are they able to defend themselves physically? They deserve not to be hit too.

In that case you're simply exercising caution in the same way as you would do if one of your older children was inclined towards lashing out. YANBU.

Hissy - "supposed stepmother" WTF???? if any other poster expressed concerned for her own childs welfare they wouldn't be flamed. Just stop the stepmum bashing - its not helpful and extremely hurtful to the majority of step mums who do everything they cAn to make their DSCs lives better.

How old is your toddler? I wouldn't really be leaving my toddler unsupervised anyway as toddlers can't really beneft unsupervised. So it may be a non-issue IYSWIM.

When contact is re-established you can assess the situation. Try and see what your step-s

O

Ip

Damn iPhone sorry.

See what your step-son is really like before coming to any decisions

Sorry didn't see your very recent post.

In that case, no I wouldn't leave any of them alone just yet but I would try and be subtle about it.